Throwing my hands up and the towel in :)
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marsha - January 14

I started this journey six and a half years ago. After two miscarriages at five to six weeks I got pregnant and had my daughter who is now a beautiful five year old. I always wanted her to have someone to grow up with so when she turned two we started trying again. Since then I have had four more miscarriages, one of which was ectopic. I have done many cycles of IUI with no luck, all my pregnancies have happened naturally. Two weeks ago I tested positive and as I expected started spotting a few days later. I made an appointment with the fertility clinic and they tested my beta, it was mid 60's so it didn't look hopeful. In 48 hours I was surprised it went to mid 80's and I had expected it to drop. From here it has been near doubling  every 48 hours. Within two days of the spotting beginning it turned period like. I did not have the heavy clotting like previous  six miscarriages but  it was heavy enough for me to consider it "done." So ten days later, I have had three ultrasounds none of which have picked up any signs of pregnancy and I am told there is no way anything could be attached as my lining is so thin. It looks like another ectopic is around the corner. The bleeding has pretty much stopped but beta is almost 1200. 

This time seems so different than all the others in the sense of the bleeding and the levels. I actually feel pregnant. It's not an emotional thing for me as I have been through it so many times. But this time I am frustrated because my body seemingly has miscarried but my levels say otherwise. Anyways, I have another ultrasound scheduled for Monday. They are hoping to see something, let's just hope that I don't end up in the ER in the meantime. 

The other side of my story... 10 months ago we took in a family members baby, the mom was very young and unable to care for the little guy. He is now 14.5 months old and we had just decided a few months ago we were done trying and our family was complete. We gave up on fertility and were fine to never go down that road again but here we are kind of shocked!

It all sounds like a nightmare but it's not bad at all. We have accepted it and have been blessed with two healthy children. My issue with the whole thing is the not knowing why, I guess we all feel that way. I don't mean "why me", I mean medically not knowing what the issue is. I know that I don't have a lot of eggs for a 32 year old (I describe them as decrepit) but there should be enough to have a baby . The other thing I know is that my lining always seems thin but a few goods drugs can fix that. I have gotten pregnant eight times naturally but I would love to know why my body can't hold it longer than seven weeks.

All I hope for from here is health - for my family and me.



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