surrounded by more pregnant friends...
18 Replies
tinkerbell - May 13

hi all, remember when 2 months ago i posted that 4 of my friends got pregnant at the same time? well, if fate is not being "cruel" to me, i received 2 more pregnancy announcements this week! these 2 are part of my circle of friends as well.. what's curious/hurting is that they never called me themselves to announce their pregnancies, they have to let one of our mutual friends to tell it to me fearing that I "might get hurt with the announcement". Well, I'm not sure if they're just trying to be sensitive or what, but they are making it more obvious that I hurt by keeping the news, and yet the friend who told me about the other friends' pregnancies expected me to give those preggy friends a call and congratulate them!

I can be happy for them, why not? It's just unfair because these women were not expecting to get pregnant, in fact, they were on pills, and yet they're the ones who keep on getting pregnant!

They're calling for a get-together tomorrow to celebrate the "good news". I am planning to get sick that day!

Sorry for the long post and my bitterness... this sucks! IF is a b***h!

 

tiggerpounce418 - May 13

tinkerbell,
hi. sorry you are so down today. i know it hurts each new time we hear about someone else getting pregnant, especially if it is unplanned/unwanted, meanwhile we have such a hard time with all we go through in ttc. you're not alone. i know how you feel. my dh & i are one of the only couples left on both sides of our family who do not have kids (we are also one of the oldest). i guess some people just don't know how to act, what to say or do, around those of us with IF. i wouldn't feel an obligation to call to congratulate them until they told you first hand. there's a lot of that "he said-she said", second hand talk going around in my family too. it is hurtful, but you just have to keep moving along. hopefully you're day is coming soon and you can join in the group of friends who are new mommies. keep in touch. good luck.

 

WantsBaby2 - May 14

Tinkerbell,
Go ahead and let out your frustration. We have all been there. I have actually lost a few of my friends along this infertility journey. It's ok.......I am finding out that they were not my true friends anyway. To them I became this bitter and unhappy person they did not recognize and did not want to tip toe around. I just don't give a crap anymore. I am not doing baby showers at this time in my life. Period. For once I am putting my needs first. If anyone cannot understand that, too bad.

People really don't understand all the trauma involved in infertility. We are in pain.......ALL the time. Hearing of a pregancy is like you have been kicked in the stomach. "So and so is having another baby, hehehe!" I am so tired of hearing that. You are not alone! It's unfortunate that is has to be this way. I am the first to admit that these qualities in us infertiles are less than admirable.

I know I sound like a bitter witch too, but what the heck! Oh well! After all the trauma and hormones, anyone would be! On a postive note, I do have friends that have been wonderful about the whole thing. They actually understand when I set boundaries and skip baby showers. Infertility will divide your true friends from your not so true friends........and it hurts. No doubt about that. :-\

Wantsbaby2

 

SMS1129 - May 14

Tinkerbell,

I understand your frustration. My secretary, who just had twins, was in my face everyday for months talking about her progress and plans for the babies and I wanted to scream everytime she opened her mouth. I also have a friend who had a m/c 3 months ago and called to tell me she got pg the next month...now she is real nauseous and everything is ok. Except she keeps calling me to commiserate about my struggles and I just want her to go away for now.... I am happy for both of them, but I understand what WantsBaby2 means...I am not doing any baby showers either for now. Some may say it is selfish, but it is too stressful right now. Friends will understand.

Hang in there...our time is coming...

 

Fortyfour - May 14

Ladies, I agree with all of you. This is soooo hard at times and we have to learn how to protect our hearts as much as we can. I have a friend who loves to call me up and tell me about all the celebrity pregancies. Remember when all the hollywood women in their 40's were getting pregnant? Well If they could so could I she said. ( I would love to have there money to try and try until I do) I would try every other month also.

I had to let my housekeeper go because after my m/c she would ask me everytime she came to clean if I was pg yet. I asked to not ask me and she always did. She knew what it took the first time so I never understood her question. Did she think I did an ivf every month?

Do you guys have people who always ask if you are pg yet. I think it is so rude to ask. I am going to start telling them to quit asking, I will tell them when I am or they will know by my big tummy.

P.S. I hate infertility.

 

whynotme - May 16

Hi everyone!

I am new to this site, but not new to infertility. I have been TTC for over 2.5 years now and have had 4 miscarriages in the process. I am now starting an IVF cycle with PGD very soon (I am a balanced translocation carrier). I start Lupron on May 26th :)

I can totally feel your pain Tinkerbell! I had my first m/c when 4 of my best friends AND sister-in-law were all pregnant. I just pretended to be happy for them and interested, but inside I wanted to curl up into a hole and cry! I did the baby showers and put on that fake smile and even went to visit them with the new babies in the hospital. I realized I can be a good actor when I needed to be, but I always cried hysterically on the ride home :(

Since then many more friends have had babies and now my friends are on their seconds, while I'm still waiting. Fortunately my friends understand when I don't go to baby showers, don't ask how their doing, and don't even respond to the invites. I've told them how painful it is and they honestly try to understand. Hopefully, you'll get to that point with your TRUE friends soon, too.

Sorry to ramble on so long, but I just have so much pent-up frustration and hurt in me. This is my first IVF cycle and hopefully my time has come. ::)

 

Fortyfour - May 17

Good luck with your ivf cycle. sorry about all the m/cs. I had one and that was enough. Keep in touch and let us know how it turns out.

 

TTC in SoCal - May 17

hi ladies... i know exactly how you are feeling!!!! i think the worst part of infertility is that it robs us of happiness we would normally feel (like when a friend gets pregnant)... we try to be happy and we are happy for them, but another part of us is sad for us.... i've learned that you can have both emotions at the same time.
i have been super emotional lately. we haven't even been able to try this year because of the m/c. this month, i'm on no meds, so i guess it is possible to get lucky. i also truly believe my thyroid is playing a huge role in this. and what makes me even more afraid is i've heard so many stories from women who were pregnant and had untreated hypothyroidism and they had babies with low iqs, autism, etc., etc....
anyway.... to all of us out here .... let's cry a tear for the babies we have not had yet and still find a scrap of hope that one of those babies will find their way into our arms.
many hugs to all of you!!!
trish

 

Fortyfour - May 18

Hi, TTC heres a big blubber for all the times we have tried and have gotten disappointed. Did you find out anything useful from your test? I surprise baby would be cool wouldnt it. I think it was Jennylee who had the surprise pg this year, waiting for her next cycle.

Take care all. Baby dust to everyone.

 

TTC in SoCal - May 18

hi there everyone. no test results yet, but i decided not to do bc this month, which they suggested if i want to 'control' when i start the next cycle.... i decided i get enough hormones and didn't do bc... so we'll see. i tell you, though.... for over 20 days, i had to take estrogen morning and night (vaginally) plus progesterone half that time 3x daily (also vaginally) plus progesterone shots. it was hard to even have sex for awhile... i had poked enough.... ugh!!!!
i'll inform everyone about my results as soon as they are in.
many hugs to all of you!!!

 

tiggerpounce418 - May 18

My neighbor is about 8 months pregnant, and I see her almost daily. It is so hard to see her ready to have a baby any day now, and me wanting one so badly.

I didn't know who the neighbors were when we moved in about a year ago, but as it turned out, I went to school with her from elementry to h.s. We're not really friends, but it's still hard when most of the people you've gone to school with now all have their own families.

Still hoping my day will come soon. :(

 

WantsBaby2 - May 18

Hi ladies,
I agree with Trish in that this whole experience does rob us of a lot of happiness. It takes a lot of energy when we get so upset over hearing of new pregnancies. Only you ladies would understand that!

I am skipping another baby shower this weekend. It is another of my husband's cousins. There are 2 more of his cousins that are newly pg, so I am sure there will be more showers to dodge in the future! They probably think I am the most unfriendly person in the world since they don't know me very well to begin with.

It's something I feel bad about since I have always tried to be there for things like this. I am actually going shopping with my next door neighbor today. She is getting remarried and is just having a casual small ceremony. We are shopping for her dress and it will be a fun day. Something NOT about babies. I'm all for that! Have a great day ladies. :)

Wantsbaby2

 

Debie - May 18

I know the feeling. I was called by an old friend who is thoroughly displeased that she's two months pregnant. She has a 5 year old boy and now she's pregnant. She says she doesn't know what to do b/c this is yet another 'unwanted and unplanned' pregnancy out of wedlock... I just didn't know what to tell her.

 

Fortyfour - May 18

Debie, with all the birth control methods that are 98% effective it is amazing how many unwanted pg's there are. I told my 16 year when she asked me what I would say if she got pg, " there is no reason to be pg now days, so dont use any excuses on me."

Tiggerpounce, Not that I want to compete with anyone on sad tales but most of my friends kids are going to college and some of them are having kids and I am still on the merrygo round. Its so wierd.

Take care all of you.

 

celia m - May 18

Hi, I am turning into a bitter woman. I can't help to be jealous and sometimes angry over any one who is pregnant. I just found out that another friend is pregnant, I heard she told some other friends, " hey I have some bad news, I'm pregnant" I think if I had been there I would have slapped her and run of crying. Can you believe that! Also I work with a 21 year old that is due any day, she said the baby was a mistake. It just seems so unfair. It does help to read similar stories from ya'll. Also all the teen pregnancies we have around here, it is ridiculous. Thanks for hearing me, and being there.

 

TTC in SoCal - May 19

i understand all you are saying PERFECTLY!!! when i am at a party and someone says they have to go b/c they have to pick up the kid(s) ... i just smile and tell them that i would cut off my arm to have that same problem.
celia... i sometime feel very bitter also.... i just feel so TIRED!!!! all of you who have been at it for so long... i admire you sooo much.... i don't think i can do it past this year....
many hugs to all of my sisters out there... i feel your pain ....

trish

 

Fortyfour - June 11

Anita, I think that what you wrote about was perfectly reasonable. I am sorry for your infertility and your moms illness. This whole thing is so lonely. I do not have any close friends that are infertile. My boss lost a baby with IVF in January but she doesnt know if she wants kids enough to try again.

She was talking about her new nephew at work today and was looking at me to get all gushy with her. I could have cared less and am tired of celebrating everyone elses babies. I feel selfish. I want one of my own. I know that sounds harsh but at 44 I mostly fed up with this. I worked L/D for 2 years and I know the bitter sweet of delivering babies and being happy for the new life and then being torn apart by the pain of not being able to get pg.

I hope your baby comes to you. Keep in touch and vent when ever you need to.

 

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