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Anita, I think that what you wrote about was perfectly reasonable. I am sorry for your infertility and your moms illness. This whole thing is so lonely. I do not have any close friends that are infertile. My boss lost a baby with IVF in January but she doesnt know if she wants kids enough to try again.

She was talking about her new nephew at work today and was looking at me to get all gushy with her. I could have cared less and am tired of celebrating everyone elses babies. I feel selfish. I want one of my own. I know that sounds harsh but at 44 I mostly fed up with this. I worked L/D for 2 years and I know the bitter sweet of delivering babies and being happy for the new life and then being torn apart by the pain of not being able to get pg.

I hope your baby comes to you. Keep in touch and vent when ever you need to.

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Anita.... you are not alone... nor are you crazy, irrational, or selfish. You have normal desires and you feel a sadness that is very real. I believe it is possible to feel both sadness for yourself at the same time you feel happiness for someone else. sometimes, one emotion overcomes the other, but you can feel them both at the same time... so stop feeling bad for not being happy for others... you are... but you are sad for you...
i'm really sorry about your mother... my mom died just 2 years ago (it was 2 yrs last week). My sister has her own 3 kids who are all in high school, so she doesn't have a clue what this is like. my dad is remarried to a very logical woman who has never had children (by choice) and i think, believes we are obsessing. sometimes, i just want to resurrect my mom for a huge hug b/c this process feels so lonely. even when there are people around you who understand.... you still feel lonely. it's one of those things that just because there a lot of people who experience it, it is not one piece of 'pain' that gets split over so many people... it is one huge blob of pain per person....
i can also identify with setting your mind to do things and doing them. i haven't ever been unable to achieve something i set my mind to... this defies logic and plain hard work....
so now you know you're normal... :-) hang in there and follow your heart. you'll make the right decisions and when the people around you aren't very supportive, stop by to chat... we'll all listen!!!
treat yourself well!!
trish

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Hi!!! I'm 30, had laproscopy for endometriosis, and TTC now through IVF/ICSI because of male factors (ASA). I wish I had know of this board when I was crying hysterically by myself or waiting for an appt. My partner has two children from his previous marriage so it's not as pressing for him as it is for me. (even though his kids live far away and only visit 3-4 times a year) Occasionally he'll say just get a dog and I'll want to strangle him. He still comes through though...you never saw a more miserable (dare I say scared) guy guy at the procedure for his reverse vasectomy. He was really chocked about the five female nurses alongside the two Doctors. Seven people starring at his manhood...I was afraid I might have to cuff him to the bed!! He'll do ALOT of whining, he said originally that he would never give a "SAMPLE" in a cup...he's done it several times to date. I just started injecting suprefact (similar to lupron) and although he knows I'm taking "stuff" he doesn't know what or how.
I'm also sick and tired of hearing about everyone else having babies (continuously) THE OLD FASHIONED WAY...and asking what about you? Don't you want kids? I think questions like these are the nouveau faux pas!
It's amazing how many people are going through similar things. I feel like there couldn't be a group of more deserving women then the ones who have shared their stories here.
I wish I could drench everyone in positive happiness (myself included) and roll us all in baby dust.

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