Grieving Your Loss

Loss is Loss

A pregnancy loss carries with it the same pain any other familial loss does.  It is devastating, no matter when it happens or how it happens.  The dreams for the unborn child are suddenly dashed and life loses its color.  Many women feel they'll never recover and that they'll never be the same again.  While most recover, the sense of loss often remains and it can change a person in many different ways.  Time does have a way of healing the pain and there are ways to cope with the loss, survive the pain and move forward.

Emotions run rampant when a loss happens.  Just as time eventually heals the pain, time is also the most vital component in dealing with the entire grieving process.  Allow as much time as necessary to process the grief and mourn the loss.   There are several stages commonly experienced in grief.   People pass through them differently, nevertheless it is helpful to know what they are and allow time to go through the various stages as necessary. Some people go through them all; some skip one or two - each person is different.

The Grieving Process

The first stage is denial.  The impossibility of the situation and disbelief that a miscarriage has happened seem so unreal.  Anger may descend as self-blame or faulting someone or something else as the cause of the loss takes over the emotions.  Guilt can sweep you along with the fearful thoughts that maybe it was something you did which caused the miscarriage or perhaps it wouldn't have happened if only you had done something differently.  The awful pain and sorrow which comes with the loss of an unborn baby may lead to the symptoms of depression.  Often the symptoms go away in time yet there are occasions when they don't and help should be sought if such is the case. Finally, you come to terms with the loss and acceptance leads to hope.  A heartfelt promise to never forget the baby remains and the pain eases as a willingness to accept the loss enters.

Heading Into Healing

Certain triggers may set off feelings of pain, guilt or anger and some things may be difficult to face.  Let that be OK.  If the situation is more than you can handle, excuse yourself and give yourself permission to wait until you're up to it before heading into those types of scenes again.  Take things slowly.  You'll have good days and not-so-good days.  If tomorrow looks like too much to handle, focus on what's before you today.  Get enough sleep and take care of yourself. Eat well, exercise and get out.  By doing these things you are opening the door to healing and restoration for yourself.

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