Miscarriage Coping Guide for Men
While miscarriage can be a devastating experience for both men and, the focus of dealing with a miscarriage tends to lie heavily on the emotional and psychological effects on women. However, it is important to remember that men must also experience grief when dealing with the loss of a baby and that miscarriage grief can lead to depression, stress and other emotional problems in men. This is particularly true if recurrent miscarriages have occurred. But men must be aware that grief counseling can help them learn about how to deal with grief associated with pregnancy loss and that miscarriage grief is common in men after miscarriages.
Miscarriage Coping Tips: How to Deal with Miscarriage Grief
The experience of miscarriage can have a long-term effect on men, especially because most men are not taught how to properly vocalize their emotions.
However, it is important for men to understand that feeling sad, anxious, guilty or upset are all valid emotions when coping with miscarriage and that expressing these emotions is often the first step to healing.
Some common problems that men experience when dealing with a miscarriage include the following:
- sex feels like a chore: when couples are in the process of achieving pregnancy after a miscarriage, sex can often feel like a planned chore for the male partner. Very often, couples will have sex only on certain days to increase their fertility, as well as only in certain positions. This increases the pressure of conception, which can often lead to emotional problems in the relationship. It is important for men experiencing such emotions to speak with their partner in an open and honest fashion. Talking about your emotions, and voicing your own needs is crucial to maintaining both respect and a strong bond with your partner, which is central to restarting the journey towards pregnancy after miscarriage.
- wife or partner is extremely emotional if she doesn’t get pregnant after a miscarriage: because men do not experience the physical symptoms of miscarriage, it can sometimes be difficult for them to understand the emotions that women experience after a pregnancy loss. While you may feel that getting pregnant is just a matter of time, your partner may feel that pregnancy after miscarriage is an unreachable goal. However, it is important to listen to your partner and reassure her that it is okay to be upset. Validating your partner’s emotions is key to regaining her sense of confidence and optimism and helps her to work through the grief and uncertainty that miscarriage and especially recurrent miscarriage often bring.
- fear of recurrent miscarriage: men coping with pregnancy loss can often feel out of control and feel overwhelmed by stress. It is important to talk to your partner about these emotions, as working through these worries and fears together can help to solidify your relationship and reduce the risk of a serious strain on your relationship due to miscarriage. One option is grief counseling, and in particular, couples counseling, which allows couples to work through the emotions of miscarriage and which can ward off emotional problems associated with pregnancy, such as depression.
Tips for Men Dealing with Miscarriage
Know that coping with miscarriage is hard for all men, and that you are not alone in your grief.
Accept the pregnancy loss by allowing yourself and your partner time to grieve. Adjust to the situation at hand by readjusting your pregnancy goals and expectations for you and your partner: realize that while this time may not have been right for you, that your partner will get pregnant when the time is right.
Take the opportunity during this tragic event to invest extra energy into your relationship-spend quality time together, grieving the loss of your baby, as well as allowing yourselves time and space to grow and change as you experience pregnancy loss and as you recommence your journey towards pregnancy together.