Relief of adoption after infertility
As prospective parents make the decision to adopt and then move through the adoption process, their focus begins to shift away from pregnancy - emotionally and physically. They begin to let go of the idea of perpetuating their biological line. Their revised goal becomes one of having a family.
"When we first started having trouble getting pregnant we said we would do 'whatever it took' to get pregnant. At that time we had no idea it would go on for 4 years and have such an effect on us - physically and mentally... We realized we had lost sight of our goal which was to parent a child, not necessarily become pregnant. When we decided to adopt it was like a weight had been lifted off our shoulders." Cindy D.
The relief of letting go
Many people find that this letting go brings with it a great sense of relief.
"Our social worker also asked us if we had resolved our infertility issues. Although I don't know if you ever resolve anything major like that, I had finally gotten to the point where I could say, "I'll probably never get pregnant and that's OK." I remember how good it felt when I was able to actually say that out loud for the first time." Cindy D.
"After Rick and I both have had fertility-type surgery, a year of working with a specialist and 4 miscarriages, we decided to adopt.... We have had Sophia for 6 months now and I have to say, if I had known then (during the infertility thing) how great this was going to be, I don't know that we would have tried so hard to have a bio kid. Hindsight is 20/20. I just can't imagine not being with her. I couldn't imagine loving her more than I do." Jamie P.
Lessening of envy
One of the blessings of choosing adoption is that over time there is a lessening of envy and angry feelings toward others who are pregnant or have children. These feelings are a common emotional response to the loss related to infertility.
"It really is so nice to NOT envy parents anymore. I don't care if I ever got pregnant and gave birth. I am very happy for any friends or acquaintances who are pregnant -- because they now will have the joy of being parents (and, of course, there are downsides as well!). But I am very happy with my lot in life now. And I hope that those who haven't quite found comfort, will find it when their children come to them!" Ann L.