What should I do? Please help me.
6 Replies
mdintty - June 26

I don't know what to do at this point? Should I go to see a psychiatrist.
I will be brief, but I really appreciate if anyone helps me!
Just last sunday, my husband told me that he doesn't want to go through IVF with me. He even hinted that he doesn't want me any more, because I am not attracted to him at more.
Over a month ago, l went through laproscopy to find out that my tubes are totally blocked. I was so depressed about it, but same time, I felt at least at this point, I know where to go and how to start: IVF. I was handling it much better than I expected myself to. (but maybe i was holding my emotions then?). and now after discussing with my dr., i am ready to do IVF. I can't belive my husband wants to back off.
I am extremely confused and heartbroken. We didn't have sex for close to 2 months now. I feel i am not desired anymore by him. And today, I realize, he treats me like I am having some disease! I can't believe at the time I need him the most that he is backing off and leaving me alone here.
What should I do? today, I seriously think about leaving him! For me, that will be so hard, because i still love him. But same time, I ask myself, a man like that, is it worht it for you to love?!
Someone help me?! I am still digesting the whole thing he said to me myself, i didn't tell my best friend, or my family! I am so confused!



Jade - June 26

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. Infertility is really a painful thing! I think men handle their emotions differently than women. I would say that your dh is withdrawing because that is his way of handling his emotions. It may be good to sit down and talk to him about the way you are feeling and see why he is opposed to IVF. I think it is disheartening to men to not be able to reproduce naturally. I know my husband is really anxious about going through our first iUI next cycle.......I really hope that talking about it and sorting out your differences will help you get on the right track. I wish you the best of luck as you go through such a difficult time. Please know I am here to talk if you need it!


Ange - June 26

Wow! I am so sorry you have to go through this at this time in your life. I am IF for 15 years now. I was with a man for 5 years and we were engaged to be married. But....it was hell for 5 years I went through all the IF treatments and he wasn't there for me ever. I had 4 IUI with him and had to basically make him go. He would always say it was him when it clearly wasn't. HIs count was not an issue. I did a hsg and found out my tubes were blocked and had a LAP done. He was never there after I got out and like you I felt like I had the pleg. At our 5 year mark I left him and then realized I wasn't supposed to have a baby with him. He wouldn't have been there for me. Not long after I got together with my dh now of 7 years and it all became clear that he was the one. A year after we got together we adopted my daughter. In the end I am so happy it never work out with me and my ex. I hope you find peace and support. BTW when I left him I still loved him but I knew I had to go. I wish you all the prayers in the world and hope he either he wakes up an realizesd that you are an amazing woman and that he can't be without you and wants to do what ever it takes or you leave and find a good man to go through your life with.




mdintty - June 27

Thank you so much for your replies.
Your posts brought tears to my eyes. Yes, I have become extremely emotional over anything.
I think I am or at least trying to prepare myself for anything this marriage leads to. I had a discussion with him last night. He said he will work on the issues. After he dropped me the hint that he doesn't attract to me anymore (what can be worse for a husband to tell wife?!), I think it will be realistic for myself to accept the facts and think about the future for MYSELF.
I told him that if he thinks it is over for us, it will be over, since marriage involves two people. and if he thinks he can work on the issue of dealing with ivf, he needs to work on it, not just be words but by action. But I won't wait for long. I told him i am extremely heartbroken for this, because this is the time I need him the most, and if we can't go through this, it makes absolutely no sense for us to stay together.

Those are strong words, right? But when I am by myself in the office, when it is quiet, I broken down! I can't believe this is happening after 8 years of marriage?! Now I am dealing with the fact of the infertility and same time of the my marriage is in trouble!

i appreciate all your help. And it feels so good to finally talk about it with someone. Thanks. if you have any comments or thoughts, please tell me!
Thank you.


Jade - June 27

I think you definitely did the right thing by talking to him and putting your feelings out there for him. HOpefully you will be able to work things out. Do you think his behavior is caused by your infertility? IF so, then hopefully he will realize that both of you can get through this. Or was he treating you this way before all the infertility information was given to you? If that is the case you may want to think about what is best for you and moving on with your life. Do you think you want to start a family with a man like that? Whatever you decide we will be here for you. Good luck and I am sorry that you have to go through this!


Ange - June 27

Good for you to tell him how he makes you feel and after 8 years he should know. But men are strange to the whole infertility thing. Maybe he is stressed about the money? Does he really want to have kids? Some men are just well if don't happen natural I don't want it at all. They will push you away. Have you thought about counceling? After 8 years I would try anything once. Is he good to you other than this? I mean before?

You are so in my prayers

luv ANge


destinybaby - June 29

Hi mdintty,

It breaks my heart to see you go through this. In my opinion this man does not deserve to be the father of your child/children. I am not saying to leave without trying, but you should think about the future and what it is that you are worth. I truly believe there is someone else out there that would love you no matter what and would go through this journey with you for better or for worse. That's what the vows said for better or for worse, most times people don't think about the WORSE.

My sweetie, men leave their wifes everyday with children when they are not attracted to them anymore and the sad thing is these women are tied to these men because of the kids. Be happy you don't have kids with this man.

If i may i would suggest working on you, do whatever you have to do to get your confidence back. Take a vacation with friends or alone. You are worth soooo much more. This is the time when you need the support of your H more than anything and if you are not getting it then you have some thinking to do my love.

Just look at Angie now she is with a DH who loves her and supports her no matter what, that's what you deserve and even though its hard, think long and hard if this is the man you want to be the father of your kids.


Be strong my sister.




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