Hi Liz --
I will always be here -- even if (I should say, even when, but I'm a little negative, too, today!) I get pregnant, I can't imagine just dropping out of this forum. We've made too many connections to just take off. If there's anything I've learned, it's that I NEED you all on this journey.
I swing back and forth on the fairness issue. I don't believe that I or any of us deserve this pain, and I do pray for mercy, sometimes to god, sometimes to the universe, sometimes to myself. But then I undercut myself: so why should I, of all people, be answered? When there are far better people, children, who pray out for help in their own despair and are massacred, or left homeless, or are orphaned. If their prayers are not heard, if they are left to die, who/what will answer mine? But then I think (see how this goes round and round in a circle?), what else am I to do? How else am I to cope? Sometimes I feel it is the height of selfishness to pray for oneself while others who are clearly good people, perhaps "better" people pray just as hard and are rejected, slaughtered -- literally -- or hurt. I guess I'm getting a bit philosophical here, but these are questions that have always troubled me, and this whole ttc and m/c experience have really brought them to the forefront. If this is a "test" of me, what am I to learn through the pain?
On to a more cheerful subject...Actually, today, my husband and I are putting in an offer for a little place in Annapolis! We can't afford much, since it is in the city and prices are high, but it is a sweet little place, 3 bedrooms, 2 and a half baths, deck out back, finished basement. Small, but perfect for just the two of us. We're nervous and hope our bid will be accepted. The place is vacant, and has been on the market for a while, so we assume the seller is motivated to get rid of it! You and your husband must come and visit, especially since you all are boating folks. I really like Old town Annapolis -- very charming old sea town (well, "bay" town). We're not in the heart of old town, but a close drive.
If this goes through, the busyness of the next month or twoo should help distract me. I've just got to move on, move forward. Partly inspired by you, I did make an appointment with the fertility center near me (for end of August) -- I feel I am not getting heard by my OB, I feel something is up with my hormones (the CD 23 progesterone came back at a 6.01; in December when I had that same test, same CD, I was 14.4. Based on my research, 6 is very low, particularly since I have a longer cycle 31 days). So, I'm glad I took that step.
Well, based on the ovulation predictor I was using this month, my LH surge began on CD 16 in the afternoon; this means I would ovulate 24-48 hours after I first detect a surge. The LH levels stayed high for CD 17 and 18, then dropped. So I assume I ovulated around CD 17 or 18. And I had always heard/read that your period comes 14 days after ovulation, with little variation (it's the days before that vary the cycle). So I would be due for af CD 31 or 32, right on my usual schedule. Today is CD 28 and nothing is really happening, save for very light spotting (I'm not wearing any sanitary protection, even). Oh, well, this is something to further investigate. Might be hooked into a progesterone prob.
And again, I've gone on. I enjoy talking to you so much -- our exchanges are supportive for me and we've got a lot to share. Take care of yourself and allow yourself some sadness and grumpiness for a few days. That's ok. Talk to you soon -