sharedjourney home

Hi Maggie, thank you so much for all your kind and encouraging words. I am sorry that it has taken me a while to reply, but I actually graduated from medical school last week, so things have been a bit crazy. It was very odd, as here I was expected to be all excited over this huge occasion, this moment that I had been working towards for years, but I was still very much grieving this loss. I think that I have come to realize that, for me at least, this was much more of a loss than any of the other BFN's because these babies weren't just dreams, they were there, they were real, we have an ultrasound picture of the embryos and their fluid when they did the transfer, we got daily updates on how they were growing in the lab. So in some ways that makes the loss more raw, but then at other times I take comfort knowing that we had those little embryos, those beginnings of our babies. So I am not at all regretful that we did IVF, we had to give it a try, and I know that it is successful and wonderful for many couples - and still may be for us someday if we try it again.

Anyway, I completely understand you feeling upset when you got your period. All through this I have been secretly hoping that us not getting pregnant was just a fluke this time, that in the future we will still have the chance to conceive "naturally" (whatever that means, right?). Even now as we are getting ready to take this break from serious hard-core infertility measures, I have this idea that as long as I don't think about it too much, we might get pregnant. That we will be one of those stories that fertile people like to tell about the couple who did every infertility treatment imaginable and were taking a break and relaxing and then got pregnant :)

Wow, sorry that ended up being so long - guess I needed to vent more than I had thought.

Anyway, I would love to hear where you are with everything. Have you started stimulation yet? If so, how is that going? I am really praying that everything is going well with you.

Meghan