Unexplained Infertility - Living Life

My husband and I are 41 years old and do not expect to have children. This has been a devasting situation for us. Like others, we bought a nice big home seven years ago, thinking the children would come, but they never did. This is my story.

It all started when I was 25 years old and married for two years at the time. I got pregnant when I wasn't ready to be a mother. My husband was so excited - all he talked about was children. I carried the child for eight weeks and miscarried on Father's Day,1992. I realized then how much I was looking forward to having that child and cried for days. Several weeks went by and I told myself I would get pregnant, just not now. I am young, I have plenty of time.

In 1998, my husband and I were 28 years old and trying to conceive but with no luck. We were referred to a fertility specialist, who gave both of us the FSH follicle tests, sperm wash tests, and every test imaginable. We both were "healthy and should have no problem having children" the fertility specialist stated. One year later, I was tested for M.S. and thankfully did not have the disease, although I showed every symptom. The Lord was gracious to me, even though I would have accepted His decision no matter what it would have been. During this time, I was referred to a neurologist, who discovered I am at high risk for a massive stroke if I take any synthetic hormonal therapy medications- including fertility medications. This news scared me greatly, for we were not getting pregnant on our own. Now, not having this option to fall back on, I thought, felt as if this door of help was slamming shut for both of us. My husband didn't care about fertility therapy. All he wanted was his wife to live and be alight. My thoughts of fear caused me to become depressed and saddened.

During this very difficult time, I knew I needed to go to school and live my dream of getting my education. My husband, Mom & Dad have been my much-needed support during this very difficult time. Because of their love and support, I managed to earn my Bachelor's degree and Master's degree in Business and now have a great career. My husband also earned his Bachelor's degree in Political Science and his career is doing wonderful as well. We have both accepted the fact that we will probably never have children. We cannot afford a private adoption, as they are very expensive and we are in deep debt with both of us getting our education. Public adoption is not an option for us, as these children are special needs and we don't have the financial resources nor the time to care for a special needs child. Therefore, we have decided to live child-free.

I cannot say my life is fully fulfilled, as I am still struggling with this issue. My husband is much better at acceptance, although we talk often about our disappointment in not conceiving. We never felt we would be in this situation when we were younger - you never think infertility could happen to you, and when it does, it strikes hard. For us, we have turned to our Lord Jesus Christ to help us each and every step of the way. We ask for his Will to innfiltrate our lives, not ours. Like others, we also have family and friends who all have children, and most recently, have struggled with the insensitivity that happens with selfish comments being made by my husband's family on people who do not have children. Fortunately, my husband and I have openly talked with his family, my family and our friends about our struggles and our fears. Openly communicating to those who are important to you is critical in maintaining healthy relationships. We both have also shared our struggles with our bosses and co-workers. By doing this, our bosses and co-workers understand our reactions to babies/children, understand that many times we do not want to talk about them, see them, or hear about them. They also understand the importance of reaching out and being supportive.

I pray that all of those couples out there who are going through this situation will draw closer to the Lord and closer to each other. You can still have a great day and a great life. It's hard - I will not lie. My struggle is still with me at times, and I still have a hard time coping. But I have found that I do what I want to do and my husband and I spend our time with those who are supportive of us and it makes all the difference in the world. When we go out in public, we ignore the babystrollers, the parents scolding their kids in the restaurants, and the parents who seem to dominate the department stores. We both "choose" to do what makes both of us feel comfortable, not go along with partaking in conversations or events involving children, when we don't have to.

My hope is that those going through this difficult situation will gain some insight and get help from my story. Believe me, it hurts. But stay strong, pray, and live your life the way YOU want to live it!