Just needed a good cry
38 Replies
thornton716 - September 26

:-[ I am so frustrated right now and depressed. We have been TTC for over a year now. I am starting to really tire of this whole battle. To those of you who have been at this a lot longer my heart goes out to you. Clomid is not working, but my RE will probably keep me on it for at least another month. I broke down and cried the other day to dh, but I am afraid he doesn't understand. Maybe he is more hopeful than me. I know he could deal with us not having children. I have no one to talk to about this except one long distance friend who lives in Biloxi, so I can't really talk to her right now with all they are going through. I just feel so useless and depressed. No one around me understands what this feels like. My mom keeps saying it will happen when it is meant to happen. I get so tired of hearing people say things like this. One time she said my brother's girlfriend's sister had problems and lost 40 pounds and got pregnant. Gee, thanks! I am growing so impatient, just wondering if it will ever happen. This is just so unfair! :'( Thanks for letting me vent!



Fortyfour - September 27

I totally understand your frustrations. I also hate hearing that it will happen in Gods time. I also hate it when people offer their kids to me for a night "and then I'll change my mind" I have 3 babies in heaven that i will never know or have the opportunity for them to "bug me". My husband also would be ok if it were just the two of us. It is unfair and noone can understand the pain in our hearts except us fellow infertiles. I wish you the best and buckets of baby dust. Get a second opinion if you are not happy with your plan. Vent to us anytime.


oneandonlymel - September 27

Heather you have come to the right place! There is so much support here for you to vent. I know how frustrating it can be. people around you dont' really understand and I can say about your husband I think men just don't know the emotional side of it or know what to do with us when we break down. Keep us posted on how things are going, and baby dust to you!!


Debie - September 27

Heather Welcome to the boards. So glad you found us to share this daunting journey with. Here you'll find strength to keep on keeping on. I'm sorry you are feeling so down now and I wish that you may have all that your heart desires.

BabyDust to You.



baby4us - September 27

Heather.. it is indeed a brutally painful (emotionally, physically, mentally and financially) time to experience. And as supportive as all the dh's are.. they will never know the deep sorrow one feels during infertility. You never know.. am I doing enough? Will it ever happen?

The best you can do is know your body well.. look for signs and clues... if you feel you aren't getting answers from your RE.. def. move on.. or get a 2nd opinion.. unfortunately time is of the essence... but then again.. sometimes it takes a couple of rounds before something happens.

Good luck.. Venting here is very therapeutic!!


WantsBaby2 - September 27

Welcome! I too have been told "It will happen when it is your time." Hello? I'm gonna be 38 in December and I am not getting any younger! Advice like that never helps. We have been trying for almost 3 yrs. and I am beginning to feel it is never going to happen for me. :-\

People just don't understand the desparation we feel. Feel free to vent anytime! It really does help.



silli_kitti - September 28

Heather -

Don't give up hope, hang in there!

I had bells go off in my head when you talked about your treatment. Personally, I think Clomid sucks, there's much, MUCH better meds out there. But why would your RE keep you on Clomid if it's not making you ovulate?!! What a waste of time!

As for DH, remember that men show their love to women by solving all our problems. They don't know how to just listen, and that sometimes we are not looking for a solution, just a shoulder to cry on and some encouraging words. Do keep this in mind, its not his fault - its a Y thing.
He probably doesn't know what to say or do because its not something he can fix for you. But, I think there is an element of disregard on their part, simply because they don't have that "maternal" instinct - that desire to have a life growing inside of you, to breastfeed a baby in the middle of the night, to take care of someone (other than DH!).

Baby4us -

I know I'm hypersensitive about my own IF, and I know you didn't mean it the way it sounded, but:

I read on another thread that you got a BFP, and I am happy for you, I really am. However, surely you know that you are one of the truly lucky ones who get a BFP on only your second try with the RE. When I read your post, you said "sometimes it takes a couple of rounds before something happens" I wanted to reach into my computer screen and strangle you! I'm going on SIX rounds. A lot of us have been at this for months and years, and it stings to hear you say "it might take a couple of rounds."

Like I said, I know I'm being hypersensitive, but I don't miss a beat, believe me. Little things like that hit me like a ton of bricks - like the cashier at the grocery store yesterday who told me all about her infant son who was in the hospital with a 3-day fever last week. She went on and on about how worried she was and then asked "Do you have kids?" When I said no, she said something to the effect of "Lucky you, you don't ever have to know that kind of worry - it takes years off your life!"

I felt like strangling her too. Not that I want that kind of worry, but I certainly don't feel lucky for not having children. I was also p*ssed that she implied I was past my child-bearing years. She just assumed I would never have kids! I used to hear "when you have your own kids....." now its "you'll never know....." >:(

But I digress.


baby4us - September 28

Hey Silli-Kittie.. I am sorry.. re-reading my post... I had actually written that to Heather before I knew I had a BFP... so I guess in my wishful thinking... I told her it might take a couple of rounds...because I was hoping that might be my case... I am certianly not out of the woods yet... but I certainly didn't mean to offend anyone... especially you.. I had just made that statement to be positive for Heather...and I truly hope it didn't come across like I was saying... "look at me... I got it on my 2nd try!"

Anyway.. you were not being hypersenstiive... IF makes us all very sensitive to these matters... and I have always thought.. once an IF.. always an IF.. we are all in this together...


Fortyfour - September 29

Hi ladies - this is so exasperating isnt it. If Donald Trump can be a dad at 59 - I can be a mom at 44. (or 45!!!!)

Baby4us- I had the same thought as silli kitti when I read your note but now I understand what you meant. I was so sad when my first IUI didnt work. That was 20 years ago!!!!!!!!!!!!! This hurts no matter how long or how short we have been trying. Thats just the way it is. Good luck with your beta. I have a good feeling that it will be great.


can relate to you - January 21

I know how you feel. Everyone around me, my friends and everyone is pregnant but me I feel. It's not fair. I have been trying for over 1 1/2 years. meanwhile my friends try and get pregnant within 2 months of trying. I guess just try to hang in there and don't give up. I had 2 iui's gone and both of them failed. I cried yesterday when I got my period. Every month I think maybe this is the month and bamm it doesn't happen.


jiggidysgirl - January 21

This is definitly my week to relate, although most weeks are like this.

I went to get my first acupuncture last tuesday and I thought that felt great and I feel relaxed pumped myself up and I was going to get my hair done, thought that would be relaxing as the acupuncturist said to stay relaxed through the evening.

I get to my hair dresser (who is also a friend) and she askes how my trials in infertility are going and I tell her, not pregnant yet going to get laparoscopy possibly but now having trouble with insurance covering so not good. Next thing she tells me...shes pregnant, just happened. I was devistated, and happy for her, of course. It took everything to hold back tears. Then she started complaining about morning sickness and telling me I won't like being pregnant because of the morning sickness and that was it!!! I told her I would be thrilled to be morning sick because that would mean I was pregnant and it does not come as easy to some people then I started to tear up and it was all over. I was so wanting to leave. That is like complaining to a person with no legs that you should be glad to not have legs because they would hurt a lot if you walk too much.

Then I see pictures on the magazines of Angelina and Brad Pitt pregnant and the emmys had another pregnant star on I don't remember her name but she named her first baby apple. IT has become a trend in hollywood even to get pregnant now. Then Brook Sheilds who got pregnant after infertility but she probably had the best RE around to get the latest and greatest without putting another morgage on the house.

So, to say the least I cried all night after the hairdresser experience and could cry at the drop of a hat the next day. Then a girl at my work is excited to go shopping for a baby shower she is going to and the other lady tells me her boyfriends daughter just found out she was pregnant and it was easy... Why? Why do people tell me these things.

I feel so strong when I listen to you guys but then some things get me when I get out in the world. I don't think I have found anything that hurts this much.

We are suppose to go to a superbowl party where two of my dh and mines friends are pregnant... I so don't want to go. When I am out in the world I feel like the only person on earth that can't get pregnant.

I think this is hard on the dh's because they can't fix it. Like I feel like less of a woman because I have not gotten pregnant my dh feels like less of a man because he has not gotten me pregnant even though nothing is wrong on his end. That is difficult for the guys.

Heather, I certainly feel your pain as do all the ladies on this site. I really appreciate the support and the understanding of all of the sensitivities.

Baby Dust to Everyone and I hope and pray we all have the same joy very soon!

One thing I have realized is that all of us will love every minute of pregnancy and birth and the raising of our children unlike any of the people could who got pregnant easily. That will certainly be a gift.



fiso - January 21

Hnag in there Heather. We are all in the same boat, and we have felt the same way one day or another. I coudl go on and on about all the stupid things that people have told me. But i't not very productive. Men dont' react the same way, and silli_kitti explained that very well. Also, men dont' know how to deal with a woman's tears. Nothing better than a good girlfriend or a good web site like this one.
If you are not happy with your RE, do yourself a favor, and find an new one.No need to be more miserable.
Hang in there. Baby dust to all


chynnadoll - January 21

can relate to you, you feel like the majority of the women here, either we cant't conceive or once we conceive we loss it :(, I no people that get upset when there pregnant and can't wait to get rid of it :(, I think about all of us women here who would almost give life to be able to have a healthy baby, sometimes it's just to hard to try an figure out, you just have to believe in leave it in Gods hands or whatever your higher power might be, that is a ngood name you picked can relate to you, we all can relate in one way or another...Take care...China


fiso - January 22

I guess people who tell you that their girlfriend, or whatever, cousin, is pregnant, dont' realize that it's like a knife thrown into your heart. When the person doesn't know you are TTC, you can't be mad at them, but when they know, grrrrrrr. jiggidysgirl mentioned the baby showers, I hate them!!!! First you have to go shopping , and then attend it. It is so hard. And yes, I really don't care to know if Angelina Jolie has another baby. Why her and not us???
That was my minute of frustration! I'm supposed to go tomorrow for my transfer, but until I'm there and it actually takes place, I'm always afraid something will go wrong. I'm bloated up to my ears!


jiggidysgirl - January 22

Hey Fiso,

Good luck tommorrow on your transfer. I will think good thoughts for you.

I just ran into a friend at the grocery store that just found out she was pregnant. She had infertility problems too. She was told by someone for her and her husband to take 50 mg of Zinc each day. 6 weeks later she was pregnant. Not sure if you have heard that one.

I am not mad at the people who know that I am having infertility issues or the people who don't know. Most people I know, know that we are trying. If I was pregnant I would want the world to know. I do wish they were a little more sensitive but I would like to gain enough control of my emotions to stop feeling like tearing up every time I hear it or everytime I have to go shopping for a baby shower. I guess a lot of it is due the the hormones I keep taking but...somehow I would like to feel more control of these emotions.

I am debating whether to go back to clomid with the IUI. I have gone through the three cycles and am on a break these two months to let a cyst go away. It is so hard to want to try everything at once.

I am starting to think everyone in my town is pregnant??? Could it be true?

I hope this is everyones year... we too will be the pregnant woman!!!

Keep us informed as to how it goes tomorrow fiso.


fiso - January 24

Hi jiggidysgirl. Thanks for your good thoughts. Everything went fine, they transfered 4 embryos. DH and I talked about the crazy 2 ww, and we decided to not stress about it, watch each other for signs of stress...., I will try my best not to desesperately look for signs... and no, no HPT. It 's too devastating. We'll see how we can hold out! DH put the picture of the embryos on the fridge, I talk to them everytime I walk by... :)
Everyone in my town is pregnant too it seems.

For all of you, don't lose faith.


allegonda - January 24

Hello Fiso,
So exciting to read you have had your transfer yesterday, this answers my previous questions i posted for you earlier.

I do hope and pray this time will going smoothly and quickly.

Please keep us posted.




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