sad sad sad
37 Replies
BekyVice - February 8

Okay, everyone who is doing their first HcG blood test on Valentine's Day (or just before), let's hear your symptoms as of late.

Mine: each night I go to sleep easily (usually I toss and turn), and during the day reading makes me nap for 30 mins. (Very unusual.) Also, each night around 7:00 pm AF-type cramping starts and stays till beddtime. I also wake up with it, and sleep with lower back pain (lower back pain has been present since day of transfer, so...).

Other than that, only mildy sore bbs from progesterone shots, and same appetite, same energy, same mental state, etc., than before all this. And I've never, ever spotted. In fact, I never EVER even slightly spotted after either retrieval (1st = 15 eggs, 2nd 18 eggs), nor after either transfer (1st = 1 blast + 2 embies, 2nd 3 blasts).

How's everyone else doing?

 

Ladybug - February 9

Hi girls

I wish I could rename this forum happy happy happy.....but girls I feel as if I'm in mourning! I'm sorry if I'm bringing any of you down. Af is just around the corner (I have the familiar cramps)...and I'm mourning for the beautiful follicules I seen on the u/s just a week ago. I almost asked the re if I could have a photo copy of the u/s sound..... thinking someday I could show the baby what he looked like when he was just a follicule. Then I realized that perhaps the re might think I'm a little crazy so I never asked. Every time I get a BFN I feel as if I have lost a child...All I'm saying is that my hopes were up high again. Somehow I always do that. I think I can keep myself in check but I always send my hopes up high anyway and end up crashing back down.

Zoe,
I'm very happy for you. It seems you are feeling very hopeful? my only symptoms are AF cramping on and off all day with slight bbs soreness. I realized that my cramping started 4 days after my IUI and I'm thinking that its to soon for it to be implantation cramping. With all 3 of my IUI's I had this AF cramping starting 4 or 5 days after the IUI. :^(:^(:^(

I called my re yesterday to talk about the next cycle and I think I'm going to skip the IUI and do IVF this round.

Zoe or anyone who knows could you give me info about IVF? Is it painful? How long do you have bedrest? Do they do the retrieval and implantation in the same month? Do the drugs have even more side effects? Any info would help I have not done any research on it yet.

I truly hope you girls are doing better then I am.

In mouring....Tracy

 

BekyVice - February 9

NO! You can't be in mourning yet! You test next week! Some people (I've read on the Internet) get really bad cramping all throughout their 2WW!) Just don't think anything at all (good or bad) about the outcome until it's there. My husband goes off the deep end trying to be so positive that it kinda makes me mad. He's already named them, etc., and I"m like: "It's not even confirmed!!" But anyway, my tack is to go to the library and read books NOT about babies (I've just completed my third book in these past 7 days!). It really makes the hours go by and takes your mind completely off the 2WW.

Okay, onto IVF if you want to plan ahead. (By the way, I've already lined up donors for donor eggs, so I'm planning ahead, too. It's comforting.)

Absolutely NOT painful. For about 2 weeks, the moment you get your first (regular) period, you take birth control pills. Then you go for ultrasound and blood test to see if your levels are all good and if your ovaries are all in the sleep mode. Then they start you on lupron, a teeny shot with a teeny amount of fluid. This goes on for a week. Every night a teeny shot that gives you zero symptoms (believe me, I've done this -- having been a donor 4 times in my life and doing 2 IVFs myself -- a hundred times, never with any drug side effects at all.)

Then you go back for another ultrasound so they can check that you're on track, and they start you on follistim and menoput, one in morning, one in pm. These are also tiny shots each, no pain, it's really no big deal at all. This goes on for about a week. You go in for another ultrasound to see how many follicles are waking up and they change or keep your meds the same.

Then -- only about 3 weeks after you started your period, or less -- they tell you exactly what night to give yourself a (long) HcG shot in the butt (DH must do this), and then 36 hours later you go in for retrieval.

Retrieval day must be a day off because you're just groggy and tired. It's surgery without the pain. You go in, they wash you up, they give you IV to knock you out, and in 1 hour you are awake (groggy) and DH drives you home to pamper you the rest of the day. You are tired but feel NO pain whatsoever. Oh, forgot to say that the moment they start giving you the groggy juice, they politely take your DH away so he can give a sperm sample. The moment they retrieve the eggs, they wash them and then either put them in the cultivating dish with the sperm OR they do ICSI on each egg (like we did), which is where they inject each egg with a single sperm to make sure they get in there. They tell you before you go how many eggs they retrieved from you.

Then, the next day the doctors call you to tell you how many eggs fertilized overnight. That and how mature (or immature) each egg was is basically all they can tell you at this point. The eggs are safely in the lab getting cultivated and on day 3 they look at the eggs again and give you a call. The reason they check again on day 3 is that that's the day when finally the DNA of the sperm kicks in. Eggs can be fine on day 1 and 2 but if they halt in growth or never make it past day 3, there's something seriously wrong with the sperm.

So, they call you and let you know the grading of the embryos, and let you know how many (if any) they can culture to blast.... which is day 5. Some ladies get called in at day 3 because you have to have at least 6 good eggs to try to cultivate to blast because of the high rate of attrition during this process. (Turns out embies really want to be inside mommie and all this test-tube stuff isn't really for them.)

So, hopefully the embies can go to day 5 when they are called a blastocyst (blast) which is when the lab can see the set of cells which have made their way to make the placenta, and the set of cells which have made it to become the inner mass (which is the baby and the umbillical cord). And so they grade each embryo with a 1-5 and an ABCD. So, an example rating of a good blast would be 5AA or 4AA, etc. (We put in 3 4AAs.) [See Dr. Smith's forum on all the good reasons to culture to blast.]

So, then, on day 5 you go in in the morning, they put your feet up, wash you up, show you the lab photos of the blasts that they are transferrring (they talk to you about it over the phone so you are well informed), and then the doctor comes in with his long turkey baster and inserts the eggs all at once. Zero pain, you're wide awake. You feel absolutely nothing. (If it's your first time, you will have gone through a trial transfer like 2 weeks ago just so the doctor can tell how long of a tube he needs to put in you to hit the back of your uterus.)

Ater that, put your legs down, you shake hands, and they give you a valium (DH says its to make you sleep all day because 48 hours bedrest is what they demand at this point so eggs can implant), and you walk to your car and go home and start your 2WW.

It's very simple, the time flies, and the whole thing takes about 3 weeks. If you'd like to email me about it please do! [email protected]

 

destinybaby - February 9

Hi ZoeCalifornia,

I just read the process on IVF. Thank you. I know that it was not truly meant for me, but I was told that IVF is going to be my only option so it was just a blessing to hear from you the process. It does not seem that bad. My girlfriend went through the process and told me a little and it seemed so scary especially the injections. she plainly put it (horrible) so... thank God for you sweetie.

about me. my HSG showed my tubes being blocked with some fluid I see my RE this coming tuesday (13th) I think I am going to ask for a LAP, I was told it is much better for diagnosis. I am thinking that IVF might be the way to go.

I hear IVF is vey expensive and to make matters worse our insurance only covers diagnosis and treatment, no IVF etc. Any advice if there may be programs out there than can help with the cost of IVF, or

Is there another way for me to get pregnant.

Thanks
Tia


 

BekyVice - February 9

IVF is incredibly expensive. We have already spent $45,000 in 2 IVFs. My insurance has paid half of that, which is wonderful, but if/when we go donor eggs, my insurance will have nothing to do with any of it. And donor eggs is minimally $30,000 for one stab at it.

Speaking of stabs, please... don't get discouraged about the shots. Seriously. The needles are not like when you were little (well, I don't know your age, but when I was little they were literally the size of a standard needle.) These are barely the width of a hair and you don't feel it. The progesterone shots you have to take during your 2WW are the worst ones, they are about 1.25 inches long and have to go in your butt. I'm really thin, so it's hard to find fat back there, and I swear my DH hits my bone each time. We both scream, but then we laugh. I mean, it's 3 seconds pain, it's very bonding, and you laugh and your DH admires you. No big deal, if you look at the big picture. I mean, no woman in the world would EVER want to get pregnant if we ONLY said "no thanks" because of the delivery pain. That is 1,000 times more painful than a handful of shots, and that's your ultimate goal!

So, don't choose to cancel out the idea of IVF because of the hassle... cancel out because of the money. But on that thought, our clinic gives a "reduction rate" to those who don't have insurance, and also most clinics have an agency that is kindof like insurance where you pay a larger sum but it's for like 5 fresh tries and 5 frozen tries, and if you're unsuccessful, you get all your money back. (However, you can't be over 38. Ugh.)

Good luck in your choices! Our neighbors took out a $30,000 loan to do IVF! I suppose there's money where there isn't, sometimes.

 

caab - February 14

zoecalifornia,

i will also find out tomorrow, I am also supposed to take blood test tomorrow if AF does not appear. It feels like any minute it will start, I have been cramping since yesterday with brown spotting. This whole day has been long and stressful.

I hope you have good luck tomorrow (me too). I am trying to be hopeful.

chris

 

BekyVice - February 14

Thank you, Caab! Good luck to YOU!! Please post your results, even if they are heartbreaking. I'll post mine. I realize that even if it doesn't make us feel any better by posting bad results, it helps hundreds of sisters out there who are craving any and all information about IVF and "real-case" examples. I know a few months ago I was an IVF neophyte... didn't know the lingo, every day I learned 100 new things, worried myself sick. Now that I have all the facts and feel like I could actually teach a class on it, I have no worries. I'm at peace. My bad results today will only lead me to going with donor eggs, so I'm at peace with that. I'm excited to read through a thousand donor profiles and dream about what our future baby would look like and act like.

So, anyway... .that's a lot of blah blah blah to say GOOD LUCK and I sure hope this is a GREAT day for you!!

 

BekyVice - February 14

See? All that doomsday gloom for nothing!! :) Let's see... you test Friday, which means you are t2 days behind me... so I'm looking back to my journal at that same time and I had zero cramping. Any cramping at all that I had stopped last Thursday, one week ago, and I, too, have had a steep drop in sore BBs these past days. I don't feel optimistic about today's results at all. I mean, I seriously don't "feel" pregnant, and I just think we are all so in tune with our bodies that we'd know if SOMEthing was up.

But, again, my spirits are up because we'll go straight to donor eggs and there are so many wonderful donors out there... I'm really looking forward to it, actually! Maybe she won't have the clumsy genes as I do! (Been dreading passing those along!) ;)

These next two days I think are the worst. Friday won't come soon enough. Go to the movies, go to the libray... do something to get out of the house for long periods of time. That's the only thing that helps!!

Good luck!!! Fingers crossed for you!

 

caab - February 14

zoecalifornia,

I hope you had positive results today !!! If you did not you are definitely in a good frame of mind, and that is healthy.

Today I decided to go for beta after calling my doctor, as I just wanted to wait one more day, I was told that the progesterone suspostories can delay AF 2-3 days, and this is why test should be taken on day 15. Since I went for beta late I will not know until tomorrow.

I will post results tomorrow no matter what as I also feel it is important to share experiences. 15 months ago I bought my 1st ovulation kit and pregnancy test, I now long for those days when the basic stuff was a little overwhelming. I did succeed in a pregnancy after my 1st attempt but it was ectopic. At that point I did not even know my own cycle, since that time like you stated, the amount of stuff I have learned is incredible.

chris

 

BekyVice - February 14

Hi, Chris! Yes, one of the symptoms of that stinking progesterone IS that if staves off AF. My first IVF I had my first HcG level (11dp5dt) at 41. Nurses shook their heads sadly, but told me to come back in 4 days. It went to 150. It kept climbing to 1600, but it was an empty sac. But, my point is that the whole time I was carrying a "nothing" I was on progesterone shots and they staved off AF. Doctor said that if I hadn't had the PG shots, AF would have "taken care of business" and I would never have had the sac grow.

And to prove that, just as soon as I went off the shots, the next day AF came (and with a vengeance. 2 weeks!!) My lining was at 11, so there was a lot of stuff to get rid of, I guess.

By the way, I've gotten my blood test back today and I have a BFP with HcG levels of 129. Woot! We're cautiously excited since that's only "Hurdle 12" of 15 total hurdles (we've counted) till the second trimester when I think we can finally "breathe" for once since day one of IVF. :)

 

Ladybug - February 15

HI everyone,

I'm verry happy for you Zoe! I must have missed when you said you had a + hpt.

I also have good news. I pleaded with the nurses at my re to let me come in one day early for my blood work (I was worrried) I also have a BFP with HcG level of 98! I go back on monday to see if the number will double. My bbs are still not sore but I do have some nausea, blue veins, and lots of trips to the bathroom. :^)

How is everyone else doing?

 

caab - February 16

zoe,

I am very happy for you, that is awesome news and I too have good news, found out today and am still in shop. Now a whole new set of worries.

I wish you the best of luck........keep us up to date.

chris

 

Maxsmommy - February 16

Hi Ladies,
I have been keeping up with this thread even though I do not often post! Congratulations ZoeCalifornia and Lady Bug! I also am on my 2WW and my beta is on the 20th....ZoeCalifornia my last week has been similar to yours...so maybe you both will give the rest of us some baby dust :)
Judea
[quote author=ZoeCalifornia link=board=15;threadid=3617;start=15#32100 date=1171493463]
Hi, Chris! Yes, one of the symptoms of that stinking progesterone IS that if staves off AF. My first IVF I had my first HcG level (11dp5dt) at 41. Nurses shook their heads sadly, but told me to come back in 4 days. It went to 150. It kept climbing to 1600, but it was an empty sac. But, my point is that the whole time I was carrying a "nothing" I was on progesterone shots and they staved off AF. Doctor said that if I hadn't had the PG shots, AF would have "taken care of business" and I would never have had the sac grow.

And to prove that, just as soon as I went off the shots, the next day AF came (and with a vengeance. 2 weeks!!) My lining was at 11, so there was a lot of stuff to get rid of, I guess.

By the way, I've gotten my blood test back today and I have a BFP with HcG levels of 129. Woot! We're cautiously excited since that's only "Hurdle 12" of 15 total hurdles (we've counted) till the second trimester when I think we can finally "breathe" for once since day one of IVF. :)
[/quote]

 

Maxsmommy - February 17

Tracy, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I know what that feeling is like, sort of a driving feeling that you just cannot let go of. You are honoring your feelings and for that reason alone, I think it is good that you called to make that appointment. Unless you are living it, the cycle of emotions/stress/hope/fear are not easily understood. I hope you get through the evening okay and may those numbers double/triple/quadruple :)
Best of luck and I'll check back to see how it goes,
Judea
[quote author=Ladybug link=board=15;threadid=3617;start=30#32245 date=1171668037]
Hi girls,

Thanks Judea! I'm wishing you and everyone all the baby dust in the world! I wish that none of us had to go through this and that having a baby was easy for us all. One thing that I have been trying to tell myself is that the best things in life are worth waiting for. That we appreciate the things we work hardest for. This is true in my life...I had to work so hard to get my degree in school and you know I was more grateful just because I had to work so hard to get it. Now I know this is different then having a baby...but it makes me feel a little better

I called my re again today and begged them to let me come in early to do another blood test. I was suppose to go in on monday and now I'm going for blood test tomorrow morning. There is only one other time in my life that I have ever felt this scared and I'll spare you all the devastating details of that experience.

I called the re because when I woke up today it seems that all the tenderness in my bbs is completely gone. The little white dots on my bbs are fading away and they are not nearnly as full as they were.

I need to see my HCG nummber doulbe and I swear I could stop freaking out and be happy....until then my life is on hold. Do you guys think I'm crazy for calling my re and pleading with them to get me in sooner? I'm so scared!! Part of me just wanted to hold on until monday and just be in my little bubble and be happy...the other part of me (the part that is winning) is far to scared to be happy! Help anyone??? Is there anyone out there that understands???

When I called my re the nurse told me not to worry. She said that sometimes women go through their whole pregnancy without feeling any symtoms. What I don't understand however is how it could start off with soreness and now ...now there is almost nothing. Is that normal??

Am I driving you guys crazy? I desperately need a friend! Anyone out there??

Tracy
[/quote]

 

Maxsmommy - February 17

Hi Tracy,
I wanted to mention another website that I post on and there is a ton of various forums...it is called fertilethoughts.com and I have found comfort in both of these sites. I'll say a prayer for you tonight :)
Judea

 

Ladybug - February 18

Thank you for your payer Judea. I think it worked! I have a HCG of 248 now. I feel much better although I can't say that I have stopped worrying. My bbs are still not sore. I must say that I am tired!!! Also I have constipation, some mild cramps on and off all day (much less then they were), a mild backache, and it feels like I'm hungy all the time! I'm still running to the bathroom a little more then I normally. I think thats about it. My next step is an u/s on March 2nd. I'm soooooo happy!!


How are you doing Judea? Any other good news out there????
Tracy

 

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