so overwhelmed!
12 Replies
oneandonlymel - October 20

I went to the maternal fetal medicine doctor yesterday, had an ultrasound and met with the doctor for the first time and we went over everything that could be wrong because of my age and my disorders, related to chromosome and everything else! I don't know if I want to do the quad blood work that tells you your chances of things being wrong because if if shows something then they want to do an amnio and the risk of a miscarriage from that I don't want to take! I just sat there thinking I am so happy to be 15 weeks 4 days and now I am just worrried about is something wrong!! I know it is normal to worry about 5 fingers etc.... It doesnt' matter in the long run, I am still having this baby!!! sorry to vent I just was up all night with everyting!!


baby4us - October 20

There is SO much to worry about.. For the longest time.. I kept thinking.. just get a BFP and eveything else will fall into place..

There is always a constant set of worries.
I guess all I can suggest is to just take some time to digest what the doctor said to you. If you have any questions or concerns.. write them down and maybe either speak to your dcotor over the phone or make another appointment You are right.. there are so many decisions.. and you just wonder.. will the extra worry really be worth it?

Let us know what you decide to do....


Karen123 - October 20

oneandonly - I'm so close to you in the stage you're in. I was 16 weeks yesterday. So I know exactly what you mean. I did take the first set of b/w but I don't know if I'll bother with the 2nd. No matter what, I won't have an amnio. My mother worked for a very short time at a hospital and saw a woman who m/c after an amnio. I think that it would be great to be prepared for any abnormalities but I, like you, am having these babies no matter what. So I can't do anything at all to risk m/c, even if the chance is slim. After all, I got pregnant on a slim chance so any chance is too much for me. I will say that it was wonderful to hear that my b/w was great and the chances are slim but again, there's still a chance so really it's not much help is it? Sometimes I wish I could be the DH in all this. He goes for hours without even thinking about the babies. I can't go 2 seconds without thinking of them. Lucky men!! Karen


HeatherMac - October 20


I know EXACTLY how you're feeling. When the tests were offered to me, DH and I declined. We talked about it with our OB for a REALLY long time about it...and we made our decision based on the fact that the tests will ONLY SHOW you CHANCES of something being wrong. They will NOT tell you that something IS wrong...just the CHANCE that something is wrong. And, here is the bonus, if you're over 35, the test will show that MOST everything is wrong - NOT BECAUSE THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG, but SIMPLY BECAUSE OF YOUR AGE!! That totally p*ssed me off. So, the test is VERY biased if you're over 35...simply because of the "chances" that there could be problems after you're 35. The test is VERY OUTDATED and not at all up to date with the fact that medical science can outwit many of the genetic problems women face. I mean, hello?? Women in their mid-40s have HEALTHY BABIES!!! That test should get with it.

Because of all the medical and genetic problems I have that were found (thankfully) as we began our infertility journey, we found that I carry the gene for Spina Bifida, Downs and a couple of other festive problems. So, needless to say I was SCARED TO DEATH!! But, I'm on a number of medications to, again, thankfully prevent these problems. At our 22 week ultrasound - the baby was beautiful and healthy!! What a blessing!!

Had I had that test, the screening b/w would have told me that everything was wrong with this child, and I would NEVER have been able to enjoy this pregnancy. That made me mad to think that just because of my age, I would have been robbed of the joy I've had.

So, the choice is yours, but like I told Karen in another post, your doctor doesn't know everything. It is up to YOU to research your options and what they mean to you...Doc won't always tell you all your options. Not because they don't want to, but they, too, can be overwhelmed with patients. Be an informed medical consumer so you can make choices that are right for you, and best for you!! If you want the test, do it. If you don't want the test, don't do it. Don't let anyone, not even your doctor, push you into something you don't want to do...ultimately, you know what's best for you.

Enjoy your pregnancy and be comfortable in the choices you make. There will ALWAYS be someone to tell you the doom and gloom...but remember, if they tell you there is a one in 300 chance of your child being born with a certain problem, they will NEVER turn it around to say that 299 will be fine. All they do is scare the crap out of you...and THAT is the most unfair. So, again, take it upon yourself to turn that information around so that it's not quite so scary.

Your decision will be the best decision - so take your time and choose what YOU want to do about the test. The amnio scared the crap out of me, so I didn't do it...we worked WAY TOO HARD to get pg to lose it. I caught some flack over it, but it was MY decision - and at that point, I made a good decision for me AND my baby...I felt it was my first triumphant Mommy decision. But, that was me and how I need to make the right decision for you. Again, whether you choose to test or not to test, it WILL be the RIGHT decision - it's YOUR decision!!

Have a great afternoon and try not to let the turkeys get you down. That's all they seem to be able to do...get you down and scare you. Buck 'em,'ll always be able to overwhelm yourself without help from anyone ENJOY YOUR DAY!!!



justme - October 20

From personal experience I would not do the bloodwork. I did do it last time when I was pregnant with my daughter and it came back that there was a chance she had downs. I was just beside myself and completely stressed. I could have miscarried from the stress alone. Anyway, we opted not to do amnio and just only do a level 2 sono. Well, she looked ok on the sono and guess what.....she is perfectly normal.

I will not take the test this time around. IF, there was a problem the info would be good to know and prepare in advance, but the test makes too many errors and it is not worth the stress to me. I know several people in my group of friends who have gotten false positives. Not good!

Good luck making your decision.



WantsBaby2 - October 20

Just me,
I have 2 other friends that had the same thing happen to them. They too were just horribly worried, and they ended up having perfect, healthy babies. It's really scary.

One and Only,
I would not chose to have the test done. I have heard that amnio's can cause a host of things to go wrong. To me, personally, it would not matter what would be wrong with my baby.....I would still want to have it. I believe handicapped children are a blessing too! Good luck with your decision. There is sooo much to worry about. Just try to take it one step at a time.



oneandonlymel - October 20

Thank you everyone!! I have thought and worried all day on what to do and I am not going to have the blood work since it won't change anything anyway! I just hope and pray that everything is ok and no matter what like I said I am having this baby!!! I go back on Nov 9th to talk to a genetic counsler just to go over what could be wrong since the doctor recommended us to, and I will have another ultrasound! I just want to keep hearing that heartbeating!!!!!


Meg - October 20


I too would not and did not have b/w done. I would never do anything anyway if there were something wrong w/ the baby and certainly would never have an amnio b/c of the risk of m/c. I told my Dr. I didn't want to do the test and he agreed that I shouldn't. I felt the 20 wk. u/s would tell us if something were wrong. I feel it is all in God's hands, and if something did turn out to be wrong than we will handle it as it comes.

I also chose to have another C-section this time around, instead of a V-BAC, b/c of risks to the baby. I told my Dr. that I was not going to have a vaginal delivery and that was that. Again he was okay w/ it. Through time I have learned that I am in control of what happens to my body, and I should have the final say. After all we are paying them, so why shouldn't we have a say in what happens w/ our health. I also now employ this w/ our twins. If I feel like I am concerned about their health and development, then I push for certain things to be done or undone as the case may be. Having premature babies has certainly forced me to be a proactive parent and be our children's best advoacte.

I think it is completely normal to feel overwhelmed in your situation. I still feel overwhelmed w/ worry at times. I will be keeping you and your little one in my thoughts and prayers. I love reading your updates and I am so happy that you are almost 4 months along :) Take Care and try to relax just a little bit ;)



Fortyfour - October 21

Hey there - I decided not to have an amnio - the docs always forget that I have a donor and start in with my age and my need for one. Even if my own eggs I would not risk a m/c. I think amnios are only good if, when you get bad info, you can abort. Thats what they were for in the olden days. Find out what's wrong and give you the option to abort. If you plan to carry to term and mother no matter what, what is the use?


Karen123 - October 21

You're so right 44! Yesterday at the OB I told him I don't want the maternal screening b/w done and he insisted that I should get it. I said that no matter what it said, I would not have an amnio and I would never in a million years abort my babies. Well he handed me the paperwork and said he advises me to get it. Well, I'm not going! It would be a waste of time and all it could do is bring me needless worry. I have enough of that already! So, I agree with everyone here and I'll let him yell at me if he has to but I'm not getting the tests done. Karen


Willa - October 21


I am new here; I'm 40, been pregnant 4 times in the last year and have no babies. We are still TTC and have just started infertility tests. I tested positive for homo A1298C (MTHFR) but not C677T.

Anyway, that's my history. It's been my experience that doctors always want tests so they know more about what is going on with your pregnancy. My doctor explained that he would like me to have tests but it was my decision of course. I asked why it mattered because I was going to have the baby no matter what. His answer was that if there is a serious problem with the baby, they want to make sure they are at the correct facility for the birth in order to give the baby the best chance.

So, me and my husband play it by ear. At 13 weeks of the first pregnancy, I had an u/s and it showed severe abnormalities of the brain, digestive system, umbilical artery, to name a few. It was so bad I could see it myself even though I am not experienced at viewing u/s. This is when we decided to have an amnio because we wanted to know what exactly was wrong. Our baby turned out to have Trisomy 13, no hope at all for a pregnancy to term or for our baby to live.

So, we go to the u/s, if they see something serious we decide what to do. I think this is how everyone should do things and never say never, you just never know. I want my baby to have the best chance, so I want to know if there will be a serious heart problem and be at the right hospital for delivery.

Anyway, I thought I would tell you my experience and how we decided to have an amnio even though we were dead set against it in the beginning. I hope we never have to do that again though, that's for sure!


oneandonlymel - October 22

I feel I have made the right decision not getting the test done and I know it is every pregnant womans choice and how she feels, I guess I just dont' want to know all the things that could be wrong and worry about it the whole pregnancy. I have been monitered so closely having an ultrasound every week since I was 6 weeks and the baby is measuring exactly where it should be, I saw 5 fingers and feet etc.. if something is wrong mentally with the baby they can't fix that so I will just follow with my ultrasounds and if they see something then I will deal with it then. They are still having us talk to a genetic counsler about what could be wrong so we would be prepared anyway.


SMS1129 - October 22

I was also asked at my last OB apptmt if I want the b/w and special u/s screening for Downs, etc. I decined as well. Too many false positive stories, as you ladies mentioned. My OB was really cool about it, she said you have to be prepared for what you will do with the information. I am having these babies no matter what and if God gives me handicapped children, then he will give me the strength to handle it.

DH and I went for genetic testing before I got pg and I tested + for cystic fibrosis gene, but DH is negative, so no chance, since it is a recessive gene. It was good to know anyway.

Good luck with you pg's. I wish you all healthy babies!




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