Secondary Infertility?
8 Replies
HeatherMak - November 24

I posted this in "Just Starting" but I know so many of you down here that I wanted to post here, too. I need all the advice and help I can get!!!

* DING *

Round two, coming up.

I'm as nervous as a whore in church. My OB has suggested we contact our RE for a consultation in February to get the ball rolling on #2, and I am as nervous as can be.

I'm older, I know the hellish journey infertility takes a girl on, it took five years with #1 and we don't have that kind of time for #2, we have a nephew just born with some pretty nasty chromosomal issues. Do we even press for genetic testing? I still have 20 pounds I'd like to lose. I haven't been on my meds (metformin, folic acid, etc) for nearly six months because of the cost so will that affect my baby's health...all kinds of nifty fears causing me to bite my fingernails again.

Any help for a girl just getting ready to plunge back into the icy waters??

I feel really selfish asking for a second miracle, I really do. But being an only child, I can't do that to my son. I always pictured us with four kids, but my prayer now is just two. Actually, my prayer to God was just one happy, healthy baby. Now I feel like a heel going back on that and asking for ANOTHER one. I do feel selfish. But, something in me presses. The pregnancy was hard for me physically and my parents are concerned that a pregnancy might not be too good for me. I got the all clear from my OB, who KNOWS my history, but I have a weird feeling that something isn't right. Is it fear from what I DO know? What is going on in here?? (My head, that is.)

Thanks for any advice, input, suggestions, wisdom, experience. All is welcome here.




Meg - November 25


I don't blame you for wanting to go down the same road again. We were about to do it again, but found out that I had gotten p/g naturally. Luckily I was still followed by the RE, b/c of my m/c history. I too felt very guilty for wanting another, especially since I had had twins. I mean come on... what kind of person was I praying for another baby when I had already had 2??? I truly believe God understands. I began praying for #3 not long after I had the twins. Now I think to myself, what in God's name was I thinking???? Seriously I wouldn't trade my life, although I must be honest that it is quite difficult having the twins and Patrick two years apart. If life had been different, and getting p/g and maintaining a p/g would have been easy, I would have waited to have to try and get p/g, but since it took almost 3 years to conceive a healthy p/g, we decided to begin trying almost right away after the twins were born.

I don't know if I would have genetic testing. I feel what is meant to be will be. I would never abort if it turned out something was wrong w/ the baby. That being said if you did IVF this time around you could do PGD. Had we not conceived Patrick on our own, we were considering the option of PGD, since my m/c were more or less due to chromosomal abnormalities. We know the 2nd was due to an aneuploidy, which causes most m/c, but the fact that I had had 3 m/c caused me concern. I have learned that no matter what, there are no guarantees in life. Patrick was born a full term healthy baby; I assumed that he would make all milestones on time and have no health issues. Well, just like his brother and sister he too has not met his milestones on time and now gets Early Intervention too just like they did. He will be 1, Jan. 5 and still has yet to stand b/c he doesn't have the trunk strength to support himself and he also has feeding issues. He actually is more behind than the other two. I could torture myself w/ what did I do during my p/g to cause this or why can't life be easy just for a little bit, but that is not the path God has chosen for me. When life gets really hard or when I feel that I just need a break from it all, I think back to those days when I cried all of the time , literally all of the time, and think this is so worth it, b/c I could never picture my life w/o my little angels:) (who can sometimes be devils ;D)

I don't think you are selfish at all, and I think God understands. It is okay to want a sibling for Duncan and a another child for yourself. If you didn't have infertility issues this would be a non subject. I always reasoned it out that way. People w/o infertility issues never give it a second thought, so why is it that infertile people feel so guilty for wanting to it a second time. It isn't fair to always feeling guilty about wanting to be a Mom or have more children. If it were me I would go full throttle and start the process all again. You are a terrific Mother, and Duncan would make a wonderful big brother :) I will certainly keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Sorry to have written a book ;)

Take Care and Happy Belated 1st B-day to your beautiful baby boy :)



HeatherMak - November 25

Thank you, Meg. As I sit here with tears sreaming down my face, I thank you with all my heart. Thank you, a thousand times, thank you. I'll write more later when I'm not a blubbering idiot. And, you didn't write a book - you wrote from your heart...which is always best.



Fortyfourfive - November 26

Heathermak - Hi - I think that if you feel that you want another strongly than you should go for it. IT could be another long road and maybe a short one this time. You just dont know.

Megs letter was great and I second what she said.

Baby dust


Debie - November 27

Heathermak I completely understand what you are feeling... and dare I say, I feel the same way too. After everything that I went through I know for sure that I want a sibling for my daughter. Like Meg has acurately put it....thinking about all those tears and the agony make trying again so much worth it.

Wishing you the very best in your attempt. I'll be happy to still read from you, as you take yet another dive.



baby4us - November 27

hey heathermak (sorry for the no caps.. am typing one-handed here!!)\
i can totally relate to all your fears.. that is what i keep thinking.. i was lucky once.. should i just accept my luck and walk away?? or do you try, try again

such a tough decision and one that is completely personal .. and i second what meg has said!!!

If this is what you really, really, really want.. deep down inside wothout a doubt.. then go for it.. but talk to your doctor... and talk to him/her again.. It is such a tough decision but one I know you will make the appropriate chice!!!

Happy B-day to Duncan... must have been sooo funto have his 1st b-day party!!!!


fiso - December 4

Wow, I'm not the only one who wants a second one! My daughter is 6 weeks old and I'm already thinking about #2! In some cases, after fertility treatments, some women get pg on their own. If only it could be me! But I"m also thinkign that I could have to do the treatments again, and when I look at my daughter's little cute face, I think it's all worth it. Dh wants to think about it and also is very practical. One is a lot of work, then 2 close in age...! I dont' see it that way, I hear my clock ticking so loud, that I will have to run to the IVF center!
Whatver you choose to do, your heart will give you the answer. Let us know what you decide to do.
All the best to all


shaz - December 6




It took me a long time to go back for number 2. Around 5 years. I was so scared. Scared to go through all of that rollercoaster riding. I thought that if it didnt work then I would have to be strong and not show any upset, and that was because all of these (fertile) people were saying, "well you should be happy and arent you lucky that you have one healthy baby".......I actually thought that was how I should feel. One day my Aunty said the same thing to me and I lost it and screamed, why should I be happy just to have one baby......Of course I am gratefull for her but it was never my life plan to have one baby, I wanted a half dozen..........That's when I decided to go back......Mackenzie was concieved on the first cycle....It had taken me 5 years to get pregnant the first time so I was ecstatic....

Why is it that you should feel guilty about wanting to bring another life into your family? Had you not had fertility issues you probably would have had all 4 of your children by now. It's ok to mourn for the children we dont and may never have, and love the ones we have with everything we've got......We are the only ones that truly know the pain of perhaps never being a mother....

You go for your dreams Heathermac and not for one second feel guilty about it.


Happy birthday to your little Man....Mackenzie is one on the 20th December.......I cant believe how much she has grown...

Take care



HeatherMak - December 7


You ladies make me feel so very good. Really. I can't tell you how thankful I am for this wonderful place and the support here.

Thank you so much - for your encouragement, for your kindness and for your wisdom.

I'm worried because I'm a bit heavier than I wanted to be...which I'm concerned about, but I'm going to make my appointment for late January and see what our RE has to say about where our path takes us.

Thank you SO much for your kindness, your encouragement and your support. I'm not sure I would be able to be sane, well as sane as I am, without you.


PS - Duncan had a GREAT first birthday!! It was a riot! Curious George theme, cake EVERYWHERE (only after careful consideration) and one very happy little boy. THANK YOU for asking!! ;)



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