Still very depressed
148 Replies
liz - August 7

Hello everyone

Lila - Your posts are always welcome no matter what you would like to talk about. I love getting to know people, the stories you share are great. Please keep it up! :)
That is awesome how your dh propossed. He seems like quite the romantic type, good for you. Frank is well definatly not romantic, but he is the most awesome husband and I wouldn't trade him for the world.
Yes, E2 is Estrodiol.
That card you got is too funny :) Yep you are right I think when we are so wrapped up in the ttc cirlce any adivce is welcome just to be able to "think it all through." I do asure you that I am personally not a dog, although dogs really do have the life don't they? My beagle (Izzy) is our baby, she is spoiled rotten. She is not allowed on the furniture and she never goes on unless she is invited by Frank or I. Often when I take a nap she will coming running over to me because she knows that "nap time" she is allowed to lay with me on a blanket. She is adorable, I just love her to death.

How did you make out this morning with your surgery? I hope you resting. Take care of yourself.

Aimee -
Sounds like you had a very good weekend. Good for you, you deserve it. The good old bcp's. I wish you the best of luck with no bloating and no irritablness. How long are you going to be on them?
I bet you are excited to be heading into your countdown to the IVF. I am so excited for you. You will have to keep us posted each step of the way. How long has it been? It seems like the time has just flown by for your wait.
From what I understand the insurance thing has a lot to do with you employer and what they elect to have in their coverage. Have you ever heard that before? The insurance can be such a nightmare for many people. I can understand why couples who want children so badly have to stop trying because of medical bills. I look at the amounts of money that you can spend in short order, it is sickening.
I am happy that you are able to follow your dream of motherhood. I am sure sometimes it can be rough, but in the end the ultimate reward will be worth it. :)
Your emt/ffing is wonderful. I admire that, you are one strong women. You kicked butt in your training! :) We just watched (again) on Friday Ladder 49. I love that movie, it makes you really see how "real" firefighting is. I don't think I could ever do it, not strong enough, so I really admire those who can. We need more people in this world like you!

Well, I must run.
Talk to you all later.


Aimee37 - August 8

Hi Liz :)

I hope you are doing great. I will be on the BCP's for 21 weeks. I stop before I reach the sugar pills. I will stop tham on Aug. 26th. I start the Lupron on Aug. 24th.

It has been about 7 weeks since by early miscarry. I will have my ER around Sept 12-13th. I should get my protocol in the mail today.

My insurance company probably does not cover injectible drugs if I was married but I do think they cover fertility treatment. They do not cover fertiilty treatment for single women using donor sperm.

I have seen Ladder 49 two times. Great movie!! Very realistic.Thanks for your sweet compliments.

I hope you have an enjoyable day!
Talk to you laters...
Aimee :)


Lila - August 9

hey everyone

Aimee it sounds like you have the whole schedule locked down that is great news.

Liz I am worried about you - no posts yesterday. I hope everthing is OK and you are doing well.

Surgery went well - just beat me up alot more than I expected. I had convinced myself that this was a routine no big deal thing and thus was alittle shocked how sore amd knocked down I felt. Things are better this morning so I am off to work.

Hope everybody has a nice day


liz - August 9

Good morning Ladies -

Sorry I didn't get her yesterday. I have a busy couple of days.

I have some news. I had a beta test yesterday, early I was scheduled for Fri. I took 4 hpt and all came back positive so I called the re. My hcg came back at 98, so I guess this means we finally did it!

I must run, work is calling me big time this morning.
Talk to you soon


Lila - August 9

YEA LIZ!!!!!!!!!!!! That is the best news ever.


Aimee37 - August 9



Aimee37 - August 9

Lila! :) Hi there! I am glad your surgery wen well and that you are feeling good enough to go back to work.

I had today off and I might take tomorrow off too. I had 2 wisdom teeth pulled and I am in alot of pain right now. I am on Vicadin which hels a tad.

I hope that you have a great day and that you help up nicely from the Lap.

The weather sure is alot nicer today. Talk to you later.
-Aimee :)


liz - August 10

Hi Aimee, Slatka and Lila -

Thank you for your kind words and support. One day at a time for me right now. I am taking it easy and trying to let it all soak in.

Aimee - I sure hope you are feeling better. Wisdom teeth can be a real pain in the butt. Were they absessed? When I got mine out they were and boy of boy was that rough. The vicidan I am sure is helping the situation right along. :)
Take care of that mouth of yours and enjoy the weather. It sure is beautiful out there. Makes it really hard to go to work. :)

Lila - How are you feeling today? I hope you are feeling better soon.

I will talk to you all later, take care of yourselves.


Lila - August 10

Aimee: I can not believe you had your wisdom teeth out. You are either brave or crazy or both to have added this on top of everything else you are going through right now. I hope the pain meds are helping. I had mine out eons ago (I think I was in college) and I still remember how painful it was when I woke up from surgery. Well enjoy the Vicadin maybe with a milkshake chaser. Funny I had not thought about that in years and on Monday I had to go over all the times I had had general anesthesia in the past with the Dr. to make sure I had not had a previous allergic reaction of any kind. Hope you are taking it easy and pampering yourself. I have to admit I have been very bad about going to the dentist for the past two years during all the TTC since I am afraid to do the X-rays. I keep thinking I will get pregnant have the baby and then I can worry about my teeth.

I thought Dr. Smith’s answer to your question about the AH was really interesting. It makes sense the way he explained why he would not recommend it with a 3 day transfer.

Slatka: I hope your move is going well. I know you are an expert at all the web searches but I came across this little bit about Luteal Phase Defect so I copied it on the off chance you had not already seen it:

" The lining of the uterus (the endometrium) has a specific appearance that changes throughout the menstrual cycle, such that a biopsy of the lining a few days prior to expected menstruation, can accurately date endometrial development. A 3 or more day difference between endometrial dating by biopsy and cycle day as determined by the start of the next menstrual period is indicative of a luteal phase defect (LPD). Sequential mid luteal progesterone levels < 10 ng/dl can also be used to diagnose a LPD. Luteal phase defect can be treated with Clomiphene Citrate, Progesterone supplementation or hCG injec"

Like I said you have probably already seen this but I thought it couldn’t hurt.

Liz: I am sure you know we are all rooting for you and of course thinking good thoughts for you as you go for your 2nd Beta is it tomorrow or Fri, I forget.

Thanks for asking I am in fact doing much better today which is a good thing as I had a minor panic attack yesterday – thinking that if I was this beat up by the Lap then maybe I was too old and decrepit to go through with the whole IVF rigamoral. Luckily I woke up feeling so much better today and was ready to jump back in and do battle with this crazy TTC beast!

Talk to everyone later.


Aimee37 - August 10

Hi Liz/Lila :)

Gonna make this wuick. Still feel lousy. I am staying home one more day. Bad migraine! :(

Liz- CONGRATS once again!!! :) I bet you are so relieved and elated!!! Yes, one of my wisdom tooth had an absess and I am on Amoxicillin right now. The Vicadin is helping a tad but not as much as I would like it too. lol I have a very bad migraine right now. I hope you have a terrific Thursday Liz. :)

Lila- I wish I had mine out when I was a teenager like my sisters. They had thiers out before they got thier braces. I had straight teeth and never had to have braces. Now I have to pay for my own to be pulled. lol! I am eating alot of yogurt and had some serbert last nite. Feels good. :)

I think you can still go to the dentist if you are pregnant but I think it is best to wait after your first trimester? I think that is what someone told me. I am glad I am glad I got my teeth pulled now rather than if I had been pregnant.

Asissted Hatching is mostly used with woman over 40 with fertility issues, thick zona on thier eggs and low quality eggs. Because I had an early misscarriage and do not fit into any of these catagories I am not a good candidate. I was just curious because I just hear it increases your chance to get pregnant.

I am glad you are feeling better. I am so sorry you had a panic attack, those are scary!!! :( I have had my share of them! No fun!!!!

I hope you have a great day Lila. Gonna go lie down some more.


Lila - August 10

Aimee so sorry to hear how much pain you are in. I really hope you can turn that corner soon but you do have to give the body whatever time it wants to heal.

I am off to the allergist to let him inject me with bee venom (to see if I can be a candidate for immunization), and I am so looking forward to that. The regular allergy shots have made the world of difference for me so I am hopeful about this just a little apprehensive since that last bee sting gave me such a scary reaction.

After that I am off to NY for a quick business trip so I won't be checking in till the weekend.

Hope to see a really great post from Liz by the time I get back and I am sure Aimee will be feeling better by then but I will keep thinking positive thoughts for you both.


liz - August 10

Hello ladies -

Aimee -
I am sorry to hear you are not feeling much better. As you know this takes time, allow you body to heal and enjoy the rest! I know you would much rather be jogging or something more fun then laying around but you need the rest right now. Take care of yourself, allow yourself a few days.

I hope you mirgaine has subsided. They can be real buggers. When I get them sometimes I feel like I am going to die. I don't get them too often any more, boy of boy an I thankful for that. I do hope yours decided to leave you alone so the rest of you can heal. Maybe this is a diversion for you? Yeah right nice diversion huh.

Lila -
I hope you had a good apt with the allergist. I was sopossed to start shots back in May, but had to put it off because they say I should not start while ttc. They say it's fine when you are pg but not to start if you are pg if that makes any sense. I will start mine in April when the little one or ones make their grand appearance in this world. :)

My 2nd beta came back. I am up to 334 from 98 on Tues. All looks good. I go for an u/s on 8/21. Yes, that is our ground breaking day. Big day for us.

I will talk to you later, take care of yorselves.


Aimee37 - August 13

Lila- I hope you had a good trip to NY. The weather has been great here hasn't it? The lower humity and heat has made it alot more comfortable. My dogs love it. I am feeling alot better and actually went for a long bike ride yesterday. Even went to coldstone for some icecream. :)
I hope you can be a candidate for immunization for your alergies. This year my allergies have been bad. ugh... I hope all is going great with you and that you are enjoying your weekend. :)

Liz- Wonderful strong BETA!!! It is a possibility for twins!! :) I am so very happy for you!! I am your U/S goes great on the 21st!!! At what pregnancy week will that be at? 6-7 weeks? I think you are able to see a sac and heart beat at 6 weeks. break ground the same day as your U/S, that will definitely be a happy day!!! ;D I hope you are enjoying your weekend.

*hopeful hugs*


Lila - August 14

Hey Liz, that is really excellent news about the beta numbers. I’ll bet you can not wait till the 21st what a big day that will be! Will Frank be able to join you for the US or will he be running the crew back at the groundbreaking? I think you mentioned somewhere a while back about going camping again in August are you still able to take that vacation or is it on hold? Sorry for all the questions - just jealous you have so much going on and I am still in that waiting for things to start mode. The weather is so beautiful this weekend it is almost too tempting to just run away from home and all these worries and go relax somewhere.

I actually did not have a great appt with my allergy Dr but thank you for asking. Unfortunately, I did turn up with a strong allergic reaction to all types of bees, wasp, etc and he is extremely concerned. In fact he wants me to put IVF on hold for at least 3 months so I could start immunology and get to a point where they could put me at a maintenance level throughout a pregnancy. He is concerned that if the IVF works and I get pregnant without first doing some immunology and I am stung by a bee then either I would die which as he points out would not be good for the fetus, or the alternative is to use my epi-pen which would save my life but would most likely end the pregnancy as the fetus would not survive the adrenaline. So that leaves me with no good options. My allergy Dr plans to call my RE (when he gets back from vacation) to discuss. I told my DH that with less than 4 days till we start the Lupron shots I really feel emotionally locked into doing this IVF cycle. Also with my age I do not think I can spare the 3 months. My thoughts are to do this IVF cycle and if it fails then take the 8 weeks required by the allergy Dr to start the immunization and after that, which will also give the ovaries and system the needed time off, go back and try cycle #2. If by miracle the first IVF works then I guess I will just hide inside for several weeks till we get that first frost. Why is nothing easy about this process! Anyway sorry for the long winded story but I was hoping to get everyone’s reaction to this problem. I really can not believe I am having allergy complications I was never allergic to anything, poison ivy included, as a child so it just amazes me how much a body can change over time. I have to admit I am also really questioning if “someone” keeps sending me signs I am not supposed to have children? I really do not mind that this process has been such a struggle since as many of us write that just makes us value the resulting miracle that much more but I am wondering why there needs too be so many roadblocks to overcome?

Liz with regard to your question about immunization I think you sort of have it right. We asked these same questions years ago when we first started TTC (one of our on periods in my on-again off-again ttc history) and the Dr’s explanation then as now with the bees is that they can start you at any time, even if TTC, but once you are pregnant they need to put you in “maintenance”. What that means is that whatever level/dose you are at just before a positive pregnancy test is where they would have to keep you for the duration of the pregnancy. That is the level your body has accepted. and thus they can not introduce anything higher then that level of tolerance while your body is busy building a baby. So your last comment about waiting to start till after the little one(s) arrive is a safe bet.

Aimee – I am so glad you are feeling better and that the pain has subsided a little. The back of my mouth and throat are still so torn up from the breathing tube being inserted that I share a little of your pain. OTC painkillers have not been any help for this but (and I know I sound a bit like some new age, granola, head case when I say this) but I have been taking Noni juice for its anti-oxidant health value for the last two weeks and Noni is also a natural analgesic and it actually has been helping with the mouth pain. Granted it is only for a couple hours after I drink it but for that time the pain is so much less intense it really surprised me. Don’t know if you are interested but I get “Tahiti Trader Noni” at Whole Foods. It is a little pricy but it actually is cheaper at WF than on the internet.

I am happy you started the BCP – you are now officially on your way. Are you excited, nervous, happy, sad (or all of the above)? All my meds showed up in the past few days and I have to say that is extremely intimidating to think I will be injecting, swallowing, inserting, etc all that in the upcoming 3-4 weeks. We are extremely lucky as insurance covers all the meds but they included the receipts with the shipment and all I have to say is oh my god!! I am so sorry that your insurance is not more helpful and I admire you all the more for all the sacrifices you must be making to fulfill this dream. When I saw the receipts I turned to DH and said no matter what you do not under any circumstances lose your job right now! He laughed but I think for the first time really realized what exactly all this IVF stuff meant in a physical and financial sense.

Slatka – have not heard from you in so long hope everything is going well for the move.


Aimee37 - August 14

Hi Lila :)

WOW your allergist wants you to take time off your IVF to get some immune testing done? hmmm? I think that is smart that you start the IVF and if it fails than take time off for the allergy testing.

So your meds showed up and you are soon to get rolling with your stimming! Lupron in 4 days. WOW! I start mine on Aug. 24th. What is the dos of meds you are on? I will be on 175iu Gonal f and 75iu Menopur. A real low dose. Yea my meds were over $2k!!!! :( You guys are lucky that your insurance pays for everything!!

Noni juice is nasty Lila! lol! Do you plug your nose when you drink it? I hear it is really good for you! Good for you!

I can imagine your throat hurts from the breathing tube! :( I hope your throat feels better soon. I have been on Vicadin this wehole weekend. My stomach gets super nauseated on it though.

Well, I have to scoot to work. I hope you have an enjoyable day Lila!!

Talk to you laters.
Aimee :)


liz - August 14

Hi Aimee and Lila -

Sounds like you are feeling better, I am glad to hear that. Wow, you start you are almost ready to begin your bcp's. I bet you are excited and probably a bit nervous. Hang in there and keep the faith.
What a beautiful weekend we had, sure do love this non-humid weather. Although I must confess it makes me alittle sad to know winter is just around the corner. :( I am not a big winter person, much rather have summer, but of course without the humidity. Boy, I think I am asking alot. haha

Lila -
Well, I must say that I agree with you to keep moving with your IVF. It may not be what the allergist wants for you and I do hear his concerns, but if it was me I thinkI would do the IVF and if for some reason you are not successful on the first round then I would take the time off for the allergist. Just my opinion. You have come so far and about to begin I would hate to see you put it off. However, it is a real matter of your health and that is in question then maybe I would have to think a bit harder. 3 months is like a lifetime for you when you want to conceive so badly, but in the big picture 3 months is really not that long. I know it really does stink that you are faced with this new problem.
As for sign that you should not be a mother. Through my journey I could swear that I saw a hundred signs telling me that I was not destined to become a Mom. I think that we are so in tuned to everything that we tend to look into things too much sometimes. Often I think there are signs showing us why we will become Moms but we are so used to focusing on the negative that we miss it. When I had a real bad cycle in June (I ovulated on day 5) anyway I was devestated I just started treatments in May and was a wreck because we had lost another month. I went home early from work and was pacing on my deck, crying asking why this was happening to be. I was like I said a wreck. I looked down at my rose tree that I had planted a few weeks earlier and there was a single white rose on the tree. Immediatly felt this was a sign, it was a sign that I was going to be ok. I stopped my crying and thanked God for giving me a sign that I would be ok, that we would be ok. I didn't know if this meant I would end up having a baby of my own, but I felt peace, I felt for the first time I would be ok and we would get though this no matter what. I am telling you this story because normally I would not have thought into this so much, it was the timing and I do feel 100% with all my heart that it was a sign!

As for me. I am ok. I have not been sleeping so well. I get these cramps in my legs that are unbelievably painful and I get af like cramps. Of course when this happens I become a nervous wreck thinking soemthing is wrong. I know I have read that af like cramps are very common, but the leg cramps not sure what that is. I have a call into my nurses, hopefully they can shed some light on this for me. Other then that I am ok. Tired, tired and more tired. Taking it easy these days, which I must say is hard with the house.

We are going camping this weekend (Thurs. Fri and Sat.) we will be home Sunday for a "ground breaking" ceremony with our family. Mon is the offical day we the crew is coming in for the excavation, but since we have my u/s at 7:30 am we will do "our ground breaking" on Sunday evening.

I must run, work is calling



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