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It took me over a year to be able to be okay with the idea of egg donation. Not because of ethics, but because of the knowledge my child would never be biologically connected to me. That was always very important to me. But I am at least going to be able to have the experience which is also very important to me. In the beginning I was 100% if I have to use donor eggs it's going to be donor sperm too. The idea of our child looking like my husband and being biologically his was just too hard for me. On the way to our first appointment I had an Epiphany. My husband was making the ultimate sacrifice for me. To take away the ability to have biological children isn't fair and if something unfortunately happened to him I wouldn't have a piece of him in this world. That made my heart hurt. Yes our children will have similar personality traits and will be loved always. It's still different. The question of ethics have been called into question because I want the eggs that we receive to be divided. One set to be fertilized with donor sperm and the other with my husbands. I am waiting for approval because of ethics.
This whole process has been so painful. Feelings of failure etc, but most of all knowing that there's never going to be another me in this world. I need for our 1st child to be on an equal playing field and for our second child I want it to be my husbands. I don't know how to articulate my feelings, but it's how I feel I don't get the issue. The family dynamic is completely different from what it once was and you deal with it. There's always going to be unanswered questions about everything. I just don't think it's fair to make me choose.
Not to be rude, but if you have your own biological children please don't comment. Yes, later in life you had to go the donor route, but if you haven't suffered infertility all of your life you have no idea how it feels.
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