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wanting2B3 - January 10

Hi all
I just found this site tonight.
Been looking around and though that I should say hi.
Anyway my Name is Cazz. I am 31 I am an Aussie my DH Martin and I and have been TTC our first baby for 9 years 2 month and 8 days........ but who is counting?

After 7 years 7 months TTC and on my 5th cycle of injectable meds but my first with IUI I got that longed for BFP! unfortunatley I lost that baby at an early 5 weeks.
It was a devastating blow and I sunk so low into depression I never thought I would ever get out of it. I spent most of my 30th birthday in August in my bedroom in the dark crying and sad!

I pulled myself out of it and did two more rounds of injections with no success and then decided to give up.

We were heading into 2005 with thoughts of giving up TTC alltogether when lo and behold I felt weird and did a HPT and got a BFP. I was charting and had a good chart but chartes dont mean too much to me other than hey I ovulated. So I knew when I took the test I was 13 DPO.

At 5 weeks I miscarried again! again devastation but also a ray of hope that I could get pregnant............ on my own! so I carried on doing my natural stuff and then what do you know I get another BFP in february.

Once again at 5 weeks I lost the baby. DEvastation all over again but by this time not entirely unexpected as I did not get excited at the BFP this time.

I got yet another BFP in March and then again in May making a total of 5......... all followed by miscarriages at 5 weeks

A few months before may I had made an appt to see a doc who specialised in early miscarriage. I happened to see her the day of my 5th miscarriage.
I told her everything that had happened and she told me that the chances of me keeping a natural pregnancy was about 1 - 2% and that I would need IVF to have a hope of staying pregnant.

We went into our first IVF cycle very posative but also cautious. It was not a very good cycle. We only got 3 eggs and out of those only 1 fertilised. That embryo was put in and 13 days later I started cramping and bleeding and thought it was AF. A few hours later the spotting and cramping stopped and it was then I knew I was pregnant again.
I had the blood test the next day but I had started to spot and cramp again. My Beta came back at 42. low they said. come back in 3 days(first test wasa friday) for another test. Monday comes and I am still spotting and cramping a bit but I felt pregnant. The beta came back at 72. not a good sign. come back in 2 days. 2 days later my beta had fallen and then it was over!!! by 5 weeks I had lost yet another baby!

So I did another IVF cycle(at exactly the same time(to the day) my SIL was doing IVF#1 for her second baby due to secondary infertility). From 8 eggs we only got 2 embryos this time and I could feel them trying to implant but it wasnt to be

so I am sitting here still not pregnant and feeling like and utter failure as my SIL is now 8w4d pregnant after her first transfer(but due to OHSS is was a FET) with 20 perfact embryos in the freezer and I have nothing!

I try not to cry. I try to stay posative. Always tell myself that one day I am going to have a baby but sometimes that wall of posative energy that I have built develops a crack and a trickle of dread seeps in. Its hard to keep up a brave face all the time
BUT I am determined to give it a darn good try and I am determined that I will finally get the baby I want so desperately.
January 1 2006 I was going to make it my year! Unfortunatly at only January 10 I found out yesterday that I am going to need surgery on my shouder and having to go through the public system who knows how long that is going to take ::) :-[ So now I am going to live in hope that by christmas I will have had the doctors fix my early miscarriage problem and that I will at least be heavily pregnant

I am so sorry to have rambled on. I just hope I havent bored you all to tears! I am just looking to find other people to share this journey with.

 

baby4us - January 10

Wanting2b3... what a horrible story.. I can't imagien what you have been going through. Doe syour doctor give any reasons whyyou might not be able to carry past week 5? Hav eyou had any tests to determine why you can't carry further?

It must be so horribly devastating to become prgenant but to keep losing these babies... You hav edefinately come to teh right place.. I look forward to seeing more of your posts and perhaps learning the cause of your problems???? Good luck to you.. keep us posted...

 

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