choices to make
7 Replies
pj - October 3

hello all
thanks for your support after the bfn.
we have decided to wait until next year to determine what the next steps might be.
so, here i am with a nasty choice to make. as i said, we're at the end of the $$. however, i found a place in new york city (2-3 hrs away) that does interesting things with the cost of treatments. first, they have an "outcome based plan" in which if you don't get pregnant with any of the embryos from your fresh cycle, they'll refund up to 100% of your money. secondly, they have a plan where if you get pregnant, you can pay it off over time. great! looks like we could work with these people.
here's the nasty choice part. next year is our 10th anniversary and dh wants to go on a cruise (our honeymoon was pretty bad.) we won't have the money to do both (oh how i wish we could!)
so how do i choose? you only have your 10th anniversary once, and the treatments take such a toll on the relationship it'd be nice to get away and not think about it-- to just remember being us. :) (especially since my due date would have been right around then.)
on the other hand, every year you wait decreases your chances. and if i got pregnant after next year i'd be "of advanced maternal age" (i.e. 35) when i delivered. and if my eggs look old now, how will they look two years form now!?
on the other hand, do i really think i could stop obsessing about this for a whole year just to go on a cruise? maybe we could cruise on our 15th?
UUURRRGGGHHH!!! i HATE this process. it's so messy, and sticky, and unfair!

sorry, rant's over. thanks for listening. ;)


brittonbrunson - October 4

Take it from somebody who has cruised and priced IVF. Have a baby while you can. Cruises happen everyday. Yes, you only get a 10th anniversary once, celebrate it small. The plans that have a built in refund will give back money if no live birth but it is more like 2/3rds of the money. Total cost approximately 30,000 does not include medications. You must complete 3 cycles.


Fortyfour - October 4

You can take a cruise anytime in your life but your time is restricted to have a baby. Are your eggs really not good now? I dont remember you saying that before. Not that my memory is good. Good luck with your decision.


Karen123 - October 4

pj, I agree with the ladies above. We gave up vacations, sold my convertible and my husband's motorcycle and will have credit card bills for a few years to come. I'm extremely lucky to have the outcome we were hoping for but even if it didn't happen, I never would have looked back and said "what if." I gave it my all. I just hope you do what your heart tells you and you never have regrets. Good luck. I truly wish you happiness. Karen


WantsBaby2 - October 4

I agree with the other girls. You can take a cruise anytime. Plan for your 15th anniversary. At 35 you don't know how much time you have left and time goes by too quickly. At 37, I am right on the line for using my own might not happen for me. My FSH levels are right on the dividing line...... so go for it while you still can. You can still plan for a special 10th anniversary on a smaller scale!



baby4us - October 4

I agree with the ladies PJ.. although I am not sure if your DH will!!.. as fun as a cruise is... I think baby-making is more important -- and timely..

MY Dh and I were supposed to be away in Europe skiing for christmas this year.. but alas.. with all the fertility treatment bills (and travel costs and cutting back on work, etc etc)... we have put it off (maybe even for a few years..)... and will concentrate, for now on keeping me and baby healthy.. and paying down debt.

I know all the stress you are going under with DH and the fertility treatments... my DH and I have had our share of stress and disagreements... but it has also brought us so much closer together..

You've got some time to sit down with DH and go over the pros and cons.. really think about what you both want to do.. discuss it.. and hopefully he will see your side of the story.. Good luck


Meg - October 4


First off let me say that I am so very sorry for your negative test. You have been through so much... Also, I also want to say that I think that you seem like such a very kind person - always posting to everyone and offering loads of encouragement, even to those on the p/g board. That is so very sweet of you :)

I too agree w/ all of the ladies above. I am sure that a cruise would be a wonderful way to unwind and relax, but if I have to choose b/w cruising and fertility, I would always pick fertility. I know dh would have loved to have had a wonderful b-days, anniversaries, or go on a relaxing vacation, but I feel that it was all worth it, and I think that dh agrees with me. There are always other celebrations, and someday we will be able to go on a vacation that isn't to the New Jersery Shore :)

PJ, whatever you decision, I am sure it will be the right one. Your heart will lead you to the right place. My thoughts and prayers are with you.



sblanton2 - October 4

Tough choices...really you have to do some soul searching. Will you be able to enjoy the cruise knowing it is your"baby money" that paid for it? I agree with some of the other ladies your time to have a child is limited. Anniversaries are a celebration of being together, they can be a nice small intimate candlelight dinner and there will be other anniversaries.
Just my thoughts you have to make the decision you and your husband are comfortable with. Will you really stop obsessing just b/c you are not pursuing treatment???

Best of luck,



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