I am so sad tonight, I just need to get this off my chest. Let me start by saying I am desperate to have at least one more child. My DD is 3 now and is a real blessing, but I want more children. We have been trying a little over 2 years now and nothing. It took me 2 years with my DD. I don't ovulate regularly and even on clomid for 6 months I never ovulated. DH has a moderate morpholoy problem. I have done 2 round of injections, one was canceled and one failed IUI.
With that said, we took this last month off for vacation and are waiting for my period to start. I asked DH if he was up for another round and he said "NO". He pretty much said that he believes we have no better chances with these treatments than we do on our own. Whatever!! If he was the only one making decisions, I wouldn't do anything else but try naturally forever more. He said he wants another child but could just be happy with our daughter and no more children. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter to death, but I so want more babies at whatever cost. He just doesn't get it.
I don't know if I should throw in the towel and somehow learn to get over it, or go on with this. He said that he would do what he has already agreed to (up to 3 IUIs an 1 IVF) but it would be only for me and not what he wants. We are paying for this totally out of our own pockets and I feel guilty about this. I don't know what to do. I just want another child.
I can't stop crying tonight and I can't go to sleep. I am miserable. Why can't I just get pregnant? This is all so unfair.
Thanks for reading this. It helps to just get this off my chest.
33 years old, DH 34, married 9 years, one DD-5 years old concieved naturally after 2 years TTC, TTC for 2 years for #2, Clomid for 5 months, IUI 4 times with Gonal-F (2 canceled, 2 failed), 1st IVF in August, BFP 9/5/05, Due Date May 17, 2006, DS born May 8, 2006
Justme, I'm sorry about your dh. If he already agreed to ivi and ivf why the change of heart? Maybe he's scared of failure? Maybe he sees what this does to a dw and doesn't understand. How about writing down a list of pros and cons? Each of you. Compare. Is something else bothering him? Right now my dh are battling with our finances, even though we already have insuance for this. Money has been very tight for us, bill collectors calling, ect. He would have rather waited til we get out of debt first. But, here we are. I truly hope your dh comes around. Good luck with your cycle.Feel free to vent anytime justme.......cassandra
33 yrs old married to dh 12 1/2 yrs. scarred fallopian tubes from laser surgery for cervical cancer cells 3rd ivf attempt in march, now pg. with b/g twins due 12/15/05
I am sorry you are going through this right now. I agree with cassandra in that your dh may just be frustrated by the lack of success so far.
Unsolicited advice: Do what you two originally agreed upon for treatments and hopefully it will work. If you quit now, wanting another baby as badly as you say, you will only regret it and possibly resent dh in the future.
Having said that, I don't know your situation and I don't know how your relationship is with dh. That is only what I would do, I guess.
I hope you two can be happy in whatever decision is made and that you find peace with it.
36 years old. Married for 17 years. 1 son, 7 years old, conceived w/ ICSI. 2nd IVF w/ ICSI in June=No Fertilization. August cycle cancelled for poor response. Considering options.
Thanks girls! I am tired today but I feel better. I don't know what to do. We have a good relationship. Dh is in the financial business and is overly money concious so that doesn't help anything. It is not like we can't afford it, but he just worries that if is doesn't work it is money wasted. He also said last night that he has a little bit of a problem witht he fact that I could get pregnant and it never involved sex. That sounded a little wrong to him. I am still on the fence today with what to do. We will see. Maybe he was just in a mood. We will see!
33 years old, DH 34, married 9 years, one DD-5 years old concieved naturally after 2 years TTC, TTC for 2 years for #2, Clomid for 5 months, IUI 4 times with Gonal-F (2 canceled, 2 failed), 1st IVF in August, BFP 9/5/05, Due Date May 17, 2006, DS born May 8, 2006
I am sorry about your turmoil. I think if he made an agreement he should stick with it. It isnt fair to you to just drop your dreams and wishes just like that.
It sounds like he is a little naive on why you need treatment to concieve. Maybe the doctor can talk to him on why treatment is so important.
It is weird not to have sex to get pregnant but it doesnt make him less of a man. My hubby will make comments about that too. I think they feel bad that we have to make it so medical and not natural.
I know that this will work for you. Take care just me.
Forty Four years old, hubby is 52 married 4 years, TTC 4 years with this hubby, 14 years with first hubby, One adopted daughter, 2nd ivf done, 1st one pg with m/c, second no pg. Uses egg Donor. PG with twins on 3rd IVF mc twins on 8/25/05
I am in the same boat as you. DH and I conceived twins through our 2nd IVF, an FET. I still DESPERATELY want another child and DH could be very happy and content w/ what we have. Don't get my wrong, I am as thankful and extremely grateful for our twins, and if we never conceived again, I am very happy and know that I am doubly blessed w/ what we have. But... I still yearn so much for another baby. I almost feel like it is some kind of sickness that I have. I always wanted 3 children or at the very least, go through p/g at least twice in my life and experience all of the baby things one more time. DH says he wants another child and is willing to do an FET one more time, but when pressed about doing the whole stim and egg retrieval/transfer, he changes his attitude. It frurstrates me to no end.
Our insurance does not cover anything so it is all out of pocket $$$, but if we are a little strapped now I figure in the end it would be worth it. I am now obsessing about it again, which frustates me and him. I don't want to be that way, but when you can't get p/g on your own, what other kind of feelings are you supposed to have. I don't think men will ever understand the yearning to have a child.
As far as giving up, I don't think you should. I think you should keep your dream of having more children. Why should we have to sacrifice having more children just b/c we are infertile? I hate that we can't get p/g. It is so hard to get over infertility too. It is something that still bothers me everyday of my life. More than likely b/c I can't and will never get p/g on my own. I don't know if it bothers my DH about conceiving a child through artificial means. He is an engineer, so I think the whole technological part of the process intrigues him. I figure we have had enough sex in the past 5 years that we might as well have conceived on our own. At the rate we have relations I should have been p/g many times over if we didn't have issues
I will be thinking of you justme and hope that DH sees the light and understands where you are coming from:) I will keep you in my prayers as well
DH and I are 36. Married 10 yrs. p/g 4/01 m/c @ 9 wks. DH dx w/ severe mf - told best chance of conception was IVF. 1st IVF 5/02, m/c @ 7 wks. FET 5/03 conceived triplets and lost triplet at 11 wks. gestation. Had B/G twins @ 32wks. ++ p/g 5/5/05 conceived nat. much to our surprise
I AM NOT GIVING UP!!!!!!!!!!!!! He had told me he would do it for me and that is just what he is going to have to do. If we get as far as IVF, we will only do one round and that will be it, so it better work soon!!! I thanked DH last night for at least being willing to go through with it even though it is not what he wants, and he said that if I did get pregnant it would all be worth it. I think that he is just scared it won't work (good chances it won't) and the money would be wasted.
44, He is naive about it all I think too. He has gone to the doctor appts but probably just listens to what he wants to hear. He always acts so weird around the doctor. I am hoping all of this will work soon!
Meg, Thank you! It is good to know I am not alone! I don't think that all men get it. They don't have the natural mothering instincts and don't get it. I always wanted three children, but I know if I get pg it will probably be my last, so 2 will have to do unless I have twins or God does some magic on me!!!!
33 years old, DH 34, married 9 years, one DD-5 years old concieved naturally after 2 years TTC, TTC for 2 years for #2, Clomid for 5 months, IUI 4 times with Gonal-F (2 canceled, 2 failed), 1st IVF in August, BFP 9/5/05, Due Date May 17, 2006, DS born May 8, 2006
It is hard to justify the expense of the procedures when it doesn't work. It seems as if you are throwing away your money. Our house has a kitchen and bathrooms that desparately need to be redone. In the kitchen the cabinets are falling off the hinges! If we would have taken the money for the two IFV (that didn't work) we could have had our remodels completed. However, we don't look at it like that. It is only money and that is why we work anyway.
I keep thinking about this 3rd time coming up. There are so many ifs........ I think your DH is maybe frustrated. I know mine acts that way. Men like things to fix and then work. It is their personalities. Also..... doctor's offices seem to make them really uncomfortable. I am sure he will be supportive in the end. If you guys decided on the number of times to do it before giving up already then he should stick to it. My DH and I agreed on 3 times. This is our last chance. It will be okay though....we have travel plans and remodeling plans to fall back on if things don't work out. I have an aunt and step-parents that never had kids and are completely satisfied. It is a shame that we have to deal with infertility. I guess it just makes our marriages stronger and ourselves stronger! It's insane though!
Justme, It is such a shame that we deal with infertility on an ongoing basis. Perhaps if he knew how important it is for you to have another child he would change his mind in a minute. Maybe he was just having one of those bad days that we women have from time to time. Stick to your agreement! You will always wonder if you don't keep trying. That is the way I feel about it anyway.
I just want to know why why WHY good people like us have to deal with all the emotional and financial burdens of infertility? It is extremely unfair. Everyday I am angry because it feels so cruel for all of this to be thrust upon us. Sorry if I sound like a I am wallowing in pity, I am just feeling a little angry today girls! It seems like I am always struggling with the anger issue when it comes to infertility. It's like a monkey on my back!
38 yrs. DH is 31 yrs. Married November 2002. No children. TTC since the honeymoon. Infertility treatments 2 yrs. 7 failed IUIs. 3 cancelled IVFs due to poor response to meds. Poor ovarian reserve. DH has male factors. Chicago, IL Presently looking into adoption!
Just me, I know how it is with the hubby at the doctors. I explain and reexplain things to the hubby on why this and why that and then he goes and asks the doc the craziest things. After the last transfer the doc said "see you in 2 weeks" My hubby said. Why, are we going to do the transfer again. ( we needed to come in for pg test) The doc and I had to laugh because he was so out of the loop. I think this whole process is too much for them.
Wantsbaby2. It is ok to be angry. I spent 4 days this week wanting to slap anyone who made the wrong comment to me. Thankfully noone did and God was watching out for me.
Forty Four years old, hubby is 52 married 4 years, TTC 4 years with this hubby, 14 years with first hubby, One adopted daughter, 2nd ivf done, 1st one pg with m/c, second no pg. Uses egg Donor. PG with twins on 3rd IVF mc twins on 8/25/05
Ditto the hate hate hate infertility part! I don't usually bore my dh with all the details. He just needs to know when and where to give my shots, and when he has his date with the cup. He is pretty good about everything.
One time he had his date with the cup, and he had to hurry that morning because he had to catch a plane to San Francisco for work. He was so worried about missing that darn plane that he finished with his cup date in about 15 seconds. He ran into the room and ran right back out, and kept right on running! The nurses were laughing.....I don't think they have ever seen anything like it! He is soo funny! Never a dull moment with the dh!
38 yrs. DH is 31 yrs. Married November 2002. No children. TTC since the honeymoon. Infertility treatments 2 yrs. 7 failed IUIs. 3 cancelled IVFs due to poor response to meds. Poor ovarian reserve. DH has male factors. Chicago, IL Presently looking into adoption!
Wantsbaby2, I impressed that he could get the job done so quickly!!!!
44, I think you are right that this process is too much for them. I can't tell you enough how strange he acts at the doctor. During my IUI he just got up and walked out of the room. Talk about uncomfortable! The doctor thought that he was getting sick, but he starting worrying about what the doctor was doing and decided to just leave and not worry about it.
I went to a baby shower yesterday and it made me more hopeful than anything. The shower was for a girl who did IVF. There were newborn twins from IVF and a miracle baby that happened between IUI cycles. At least it wasn't all people that got pg easy, because that would have been depressing.
33 years old, DH 34, married 9 years, one DD-5 years old concieved naturally after 2 years TTC, TTC for 2 years for #2, Clomid for 5 months, IUI 4 times with Gonal-F (2 canceled, 2 failed), 1st IVF in August, BFP 9/5/05, Due Date May 17, 2006, DS born May 8, 2006
Just me, It does seem to make it easier when you know a pregnant woman has had as big of a challenge as you are having. You sure know they don't take it for granted. I am sure she appreciated you being there knowing that you are dealing with the same things that she had to encounter.
I am glad you had a nice time. It helps so much to be able to talk with other women who have dealt with infertility. It's like running into someone who speaks your language in a foreign country!
38 yrs. DH is 31 yrs. Married November 2002. No children. TTC since the honeymoon. Infertility treatments 2 yrs. 7 failed IUIs. 3 cancelled IVFs due to poor response to meds. Poor ovarian reserve. DH has male factors. Chicago, IL Presently looking into adoption!
Justme...... that would be the kind of baby shower that I would want to attend. You do get hope when the people have experienced the same things you are going through. That definitely gives me hope! Thanks for sharing!!!!!
Justme, How is your DH doing lately? Is he being more cooperative? Is he feeling better? Maybe he was just having a few bad days. Good luck and let us know what is happening.
38 yrs. DH is 31 yrs. Married November 2002. No children. TTC since the honeymoon. Infertility treatments 2 yrs. 7 failed IUIs. 3 cancelled IVFs due to poor response to meds. Poor ovarian reserve. DH has male factors. Chicago, IL Presently looking into adoption!
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He had told me he would do it for me and that is just what he is going to have to do. If we get as far as IVF, we will only do one round and that will be it, so it better work soon!!! I thanked DH last night for at least being willing to go through with it even though it is not what he wants, and he said that if I did get pregnant it would all be worth it. I think that he is just scared it won't work (good chances it won't) and the money would be wasted.
I am hoping all of this will work soon!