TTC39
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I'm a llama!
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Hi all. I'm new. Here's my story. Been married 11 years this June. DH and I have been TTC for over a year now. I'll be 39 on Monday. My left tube is blocked. 4 cycles of Clomid and 3 with IUI. No success. OB/GYN suggested not wasting any more time and referred me to an RE 1 1/2 hours away for IVF. Have heard fantastic stuff about him...Dr. Kiltz. So, just found out at open enrollment at my job 2 weeks ago that an insurance option-Bluepoint under BCBS that totally covered IVF is gone. C'ya. In the blink of an eye. So, we are looking at financing. We can afford to do one IVF treatment. So, I got my box of meds --Gonal-F, Lupron, all that jazz yesterday and it hit me. This is it. This is my last shot. This is also the anniversary month of my mom's passing so I bawled to DH saying "I just want my mom".
I thought I'd be okay either way. You know? I have 4 friends that have gotten PG in the past year. Two recent births and I can handle seeing them. No jealousy. Well, ok maybe a little. But I thought I could handle it if I absolutely could not conceive. Now I'm devastated. What happened?
Now I've been off my anti-depressants for a few weeks now. Been on low mg. of Celexa since my mom passed. And I have to say I thought I was doing alright and went off them and my orgasms have been much more enjoyable. I mean, you know, it gets pretty mechanical now when we have intercourse and on top of it, not being able to enjoy it has not been good. Now I do enjoy it. But the catch 22 is now I've got the blues big time. If anything I get more easily irritated and angry. Do I go back on them? 
I don't even really have a question now. I just wanted to share with others going through this.
Thanks for hearing me out. I hope I can be a support now to others here. Enough wallowing for me. Well, I might give myself a few more days. 
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