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Topic: Psychological effects of not using YOUR eggs? (Read 483 times) |
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ZoeCalifornia
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Psychological effects of not using YOUR eggs?
« on: 02/02/07, 18:05 » |
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Hello, anyone and everyone. I'm going to have blasts transferred back inside of me this weekend, but we expect the same result as last time: chemical pregnancy. So, looking to the future, we're going with egg donor.
My question to anyone that is pregnant or has had DE babies: do/did you ever feel like "this isn't mine" or other such feelings? How do/did your partners take the idea? Are you going to keep it a secret from everyone (family, friends, the child)? Any pros and cons there?
Any thoughts would be great. Husband is more nervous about the thought than I am, but he's the one who really really wanted children in the first place, so at least I'm not having to do any convincing on that end.
Thanks!
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Feel free to email me at jeff-beky@socal.rr.com
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teri-chan
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Re:Psychological effects of not using YOUR eggs?
« Reply #1 on: 02/05/07, 13:42 » |
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Hi Zoe,
I've read your other posts, so I know you're in the middle of an amazingly good IVF cycle (given your "advanced age")! So, at this point, I'm hoping that you don't ever really need to talk about the psychological effects of not using your own eggs. But, if you do get to that point, I'd be happy to talk with you about it, though I'd prefer to do it in private emails rather than in this more public way. I'm currently between 16 and 17 weeks pregnant with a fetus that is the product of donor egg and donor sperm.
I know that you yourself were an egg donor some years back. I wonder whether the thought that there are many children out there who are genetically related to you makes it any easier or harder to contemplate raising a child who is not genetically related to you.
Well, best of luck to you with this cycle. As I say, if you get to the point that the donor issue is a live one for you, I'd be happy to talk.
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ZoeCalifornia
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Re:Psychological effects of not using YOUR eggs?
« Reply #2 on: 02/05/07, 18:44 » |
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Terri-Chan, how wonderful to read your post! I'm happy to communicate by email any time! Thank you for your support in my (future) donor program and for remembering me and my posts. I have learned so much from Dr. Smith and everyone on this site, it's just a Godsend.
I will honestly tell you -- from the perspective of a donor (you are right! I donated 4 times some 13 years ago!) -- that I absolutely NEVER thought of them as "my" babies or even "my" eggs! Isn't that odd? My heart went out to the mothers who paid some 20-30K just to have a baby to love... it amazed me that someone could want something so much. And now here I am, in the same boat! Such irony!  At the time I was married to a man who had had a vasectomy at 17 years old (pretty cruel parents... sad story), so I thought, "Well, I'm never going to need these eggs, why not give them to someone who needs them!" So, I'm glad you made me see that. Now I see that a donor is "donating" eggs to me, to be MINE, and thus the become mine and I should be nothing but proud to have them. Good luck in your donor cycle!! 16-17 weeks! You are over the hump, no? I am so happy for you!
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Feel free to email me at jeff-beky@socal.rr.com
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Fortyfourfive
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Re:Psychological effects of not using YOUR eggs?
« Reply #3 on: 02/14/07, 13:44 » |
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Hi Zoe - in answer to your question. I have a 18 year old that I adopted at one year old because my husband at the time was sterile. I love her 100%. We look nothing alike.
I am now pg with donor eggs. It bothers other people more than it ever bothers me that it is a donor egg. They want to know hair color, eye colorand height. I have waited 25 years to give birth to baby and I would nt care what he looks like. ( i am having a boy) When you are throwing up and when that baby is kicking inside you - you know it is your baby. Genetics have so little to do with parenting and I think the for alot of people it is an ego trip that they have children that look like them. So what. Love has no boundaries. They only reason I tell certain people its donor egg is so they dont think that at 45 it is easy to get pg with their own eggs. Most of my family forgets it was a donor and always wonder if it will look like me. Ha!. I just let them talk. It did take me a year to grieve the fact that I had gone through early perimenopause at 38 and could not have my own. Once we started the donor search it was actually fun and exciting. I have not regreted a moment.
I know this is long winded but I hope it helps. Take care and baby dust to you. Ps. Find a donor in her early 20's that has had a baby before or has donated before. It takes alot of the guess work out.
Darcie
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ZoeCalifornia
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Re:Psychological effects of not using YOUR eggs?
« Reply #4 on: 02/14/07, 14:07 » |
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445 - Thank you thank you! I share your sentiments!! I find out my blood results today, but seriously don't think anything is going on down there. I mean, even with nightly progesterone shots, I don't even have sore boobs anymore (but I did last week). So, I'm thinking they might have implanted but then just got absorbed (I took an HPT - shame on me - last Sat and got a ve-e-e-ery faint line... so I know at least "something" happened. Just don't think it's gonna last.)
Anyway, I feel just like you do about donor eggs. Actually we won't tell anyone. I know so many folks - relatives and friends and neighbors - whose kids look NOTHING like them. Seriously! It's like they were surrogate moms or something. So, as long as I get like 2-3 characteristics in a donor that I have that are strong, I'm happy. (I'm tall and very thin 5'11 129 lbs, dark hair, olive skin, and play several musical instruments, and paint and draw. I'll take 2 out of the four of those!)
I'm so happy for your progess with donor eggs. I'll be checking this forum about your progress, if you have time to post between morning sickness!
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Feel free to email me at jeff-beky@socal.rr.com
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Fortyfourfive
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Re:Psychological effects of not using YOUR eggs?
« Reply #5 on: 02/16/07, 14:19 » |
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Hi Zoe- Your HCG looked great. I hope this is the one for you. I will keep my fingers crossed. Let us know you second hcg. Darcie
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ZoeCalifornia
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Re:Psychological effects of not using YOUR eggs?
« Reply #6 on: 02/22/07, 12:13 » |
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Well, first HcG was great, but it didn't grow. So, another chemical pregancy for me. Good news is, I'm on to donor eggs and THROUGH with worrying about every little freakin' step of the way with my own eggs! Man, that's annoying! If we make it through one hurdle, there are 20 more down the road. It's the same result if you can't make it through the first hurdle as it is if you can't make hurdle 34, so it just feels like a big waste of time, worry, patience, and money. Ugh. HUGE relief. It's a strange feeling! I want to be like the two mothers across the street from me: they both decided to have a second child each roughly around the same time last spring (we were all at a barbeque) and then in about 2 weeks, each of them had taken a home preg. test and each were positive. They both said, "It took only one try, go figure," like it was no big deal. They are both in mid-30s. If they only knew HOW BIG A DEAL that is!! And... to announce you're pregnant at the first sight of a pink line!!! CAn you imagine the comfort? The confidence? We weren't even going to announce anything until we were like 6 months pregnant due to the possibility of Down's Syndrome! Ugh!
Okay, I'm off my rant and feeling so energetic now, and love looking over donors.
So, I'm ready to "take on" any and all advice about the donor egg process. Any tidbits you've learned that you wish you knew when you started? I'm a research freak and am on the Internet like 24-7, so I'm already doing and have done lots of homework.
Only down side is DH is sad that the baby won't be a "Zoe Baby" he says. He really wanted my genes. He said if there was any way for us to use my eggs and donated sperm, he'd totally go for that route instead. Awww!
Smiles and hugs to all who went through no luck with their own eggs! I'm ready to move onward and upward to better things!
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Feel free to email me at jeff-beky@socal.rr.com
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bellab
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Re:Psychological effects of not using YOUR eggs?
« Reply #7 on: 02/25/07, 17:13 » |
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Hi...I would like to join the conversation for both support and insight:) I am currently in the process of beginning a cryo IVF cycle with DE . i just experinced a failed cycle with a fresh DE transfer with no true explanation other than...a contracting uterus...At this point, I have accepted that I am using DE, but am concerned about the success rate of a cryo cycle utilizing 2 embryos...I am also planning to use acupuncture...
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ZoeCalifornia
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Re:Psychological effects of not using YOUR eggs?
« Reply #8 on: 02/25/07, 18:47 » |
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Contracting uterus? I need to do some research on that! Is this common? How did they diagnose this? Did you get implantation and then nothing grew? Or... does contracting uterus stave off implantation. So so sorry that going with donor eggs wasn't the piece of cake it sounds like it should be. I know when I was a donor (some 15 years ago) I donated 4 times and have 8 known babies out there... with who knows how many frozen cycles they went through. It's somewhat comforting to know that if I get so unlucky as to never actually conceive.... there are "little me's" out there, enoying wonderful families and lots of love. I guess the comfort is that at least at ONE time I was fertile and my eggs were good!
I sure hope you have a successful frozen cycle. I'll be thinking about you!
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Feel free to email me at jeff-beky@socal.rr.com
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bellab
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Re:Psychological effects of not using YOUR eggs?
« Reply #9 on: 02/25/07, 21:45 » |
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Thanks for responding.....I think you are so admirable that you were a donar..you truly gave life to others:) Are you considering this avenue now..I am thinking of you in regards to the path that you select...
The doctor indicated that my uterus perhaps was not relaxed acting as a wave resisting the transfer....However again there is no definite answer. My protocol this time will involve valium the night before..valium before the massage and acupuncture, drink water..and then the cryo transfer...
I guess I am looking for answers to encourage my body to cooperate...Me end averyone else..
It is nice to have someone to dialogue with.....Thanks:)
Thinking of you and sending you postive energy!
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ZoeCalifornia
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Re:Psychological effects of not using YOUR eggs?
« Reply #10 on: 02/26/07, 11:42 » |
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Well, good and happy and POSITIVE thoughts to you!! Yes, I will go donor eggs... and am happily looking for one now. California is FULL of them, thankfully. We can afford to be a little picky.
Hopefully the valium works! I know my RE uses that as common practice: valium 30 miins before transfer, then you are on strict "lying on your back" bedrest for 2 days. You can only get up to pee!
Good luck to you!
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Feel free to email me at jeff-beky@socal.rr.com
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