Hello, first post here. My identical twin is now four months along, after conceiving with a less-than-wonderful man to whom she is not married. Yet I have been married for 3 years, have a great job, and just bought a house. However, we're not yet pregnant.
I've been feeling the baby itch for a long time now (I am 28) and we decided to begin trying in January 2007. I went to my OB/GYN in late Jan for a PAP, but got my first abnormal pap. I had a culposcopy (they snip a piece of the cervix off), then a LEEP in late March. This meant I was not able to try until my May cycle.
My DH was embarrassed about telling our families about my HPV (the reason for the cervical procedures), so now a lot of our family members think we've failed since January.
I want to tell them what's going on. My twin knows everything about what I have been through, but I can't be completely honest about my jealousy. I want to explain to other people how much it hurts to see my identical twin PG and not me. I mean, we're genetically the same--why can she get pregnant and I can't? It isn't supposed to be this way... As a twin, we are and will always be compared. This is a really painful comparison, though.
I know it has only been six months, but I feel like it has really been since January, even though I know we couldn't try until May. I know there are a lot of women out there who have been trying for years and I am afraid that I will be there, too. I don't want to wait to get help; I want to be a mother soon.
Can you relate to this? Has anyone else gone thru the LEEP or another procedure you've kept secret from your family? Is someone really close to you pregnant?
Sorry for the long post. Just trying to get some advice and a friendly "ear."
Decided to try Jan '07, then abnormal PAP. Did LEEP 3/21/07. Able to try in May, but BFN ever since. Hoping that soon I will get BFP! DH is student & works nights, so sometimes can't time bd with O.
Scarlet - I feel and understand your pain and jealousy. You have every right to feel this way. Even though I do not have a twin that is pregnant there many times when people close to me were and I was not. I also had a LEEP because of precancerous cells on 1/2 of my cervix back in 1999. I got married in 1994 in a beautiful church wedding. Waited a year and started trying off and on. Nothing. Meanwhile my cousins who had been living with their girlfriends started getting married as well. Let's just say in the past 9 years that it has taken me to get pregnant with a successful pregnancy since I had a m/c in 2000 and again in 2003. I have seen the following:
My older cousin who married 2 years after me is now having their 3rd child.
My cousin who is a year younger then me had someone just give them their baby through adoption.
My cousin who has only been married 2 years, his wife just had a baby
My cousin who cheated on his wife after she gave birth to their son, divorced, got remarried and just had a baby girl
My stepsister who had 2 past abortions just decided to keep the baby that she got pregnant with last year and was born in April
My best friend cheated on her husband after 8 years of marriage and got pregnant and the baby's father left her so now her and her husband are raising him
Last but not least, my neighbor who already was in an abusive situation got pregnant with her 5th child that the state is supporting while she sits home all day thinking of ways to not work.
So, I completely understand and sympathize with how you are feeling. Hang in there. God has a special plan in store for you that he is not ready to reveal. You just need to believe in miracles. I do since I am now 16 weeks pregnant after all the trials and heartbreaks that I have been through. It will happen for you as well.
Decided to try Jan '07, then abnormal PAP. Did LEEP 3/21/07. Able to try in May, but BFN ever since. Hoping that soon I will get BFP! DH is student & works nights, so sometimes can't time bd with O.
Scarlet - I am due April 1st as well. You will see those lines. Just stay strong, determined and positive even when things are negative. Never let that goal of motherhood deteriorate and never let that light at the end of the tunnel go out. It may go dim sometimes but never let it go out!!!!! One way or another He will reveal his plan for you but remeber it is in His time that he does. Never loose faith in miracles. Hang in there and stay tough even in the worst of times!!! Waiting and praying for your BFP!!!!! Babydust to you honey and try not to get so discouraged!!!!
Hi Scarlet. It is so hard to balance your happiness for someone else to be pg when you are struggling, I totally understand! After going through so many failed IUI's last year and having my Doc call me and tellme I was prego but she CALLED THE WRONG PATIENT...si I was not prego I slipped into a depression/anxiety. I went to a X-mas party and someone walked in with a new born. I felt like I was hyperventilating and stopped breathing. I had a total emotional breakdowna nd wanted her to leave immediatley with the baby! I couldn't explain or control it. It was definatley not my personality! I ended up leaving the party and I isolated myself from everyone for about 4 months until i snapped out of it.
I finally got to the point to where I was honest with everyone (3 of my friends were prego) I told them to please be patient with me and excuse me and my behavior but I was going through a tough time. They all understood and were very careful. It made me feel better to talk to them...
Tell your sis how you feel now softly before it is to late and you build up the emotion and let it out uncontrolably.
"For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you."
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