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Topic: Life after a tubaligation.. (Read 24205 times) |
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China
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I happened to find this message board will looking around the internet for answers to why I am so blue.
I have been reading the messages and couldn't believe what a great group of people you all are.
I have been trying IVF for 3.5 years now. I had a tubaligation at 25 after a really bad abusive relationship.
Years later I met and I'm still with my husband. He raised my two children and a neice of mine after her parents died. He has been the greatest dad ever. The Problem is he has no children and IVF has been one failure after another. I currently did a cryo transfer last monday and have been having cramps, discomfort & pain in the ovaries. I also have been very down. I don't know if I'm just afraid to hope or the hormones are getting to me.  . Any ideas?
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Lynne
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Re:Life after a tubaligation..
« Reply #1 on: 03/28/05, 11:05 » |
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Good morning China, this journey is a rocky one, your hormones are playing with your mind and body and if you are like me you want to give your husband a biological child. I have a daughter from a previous marriage and am looking after a 3 year old little girl aswell, the old man is a wonderful father to them and it is a stressfull situation to not be able to give him a baby.
All any of us can do is hope and wait for something to happen, and ride the emotional roller coaster that goes along with the whole thing. These boards are a wonder the women here will listen and give good advice, the Doc.'s on the medical boards are vrey nice and are quick to respond to questions. We all have different stories to tell but we all have a common bond, the persuit of momminess.
Baby wishes to you. 
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32 years old, 1 child ( girl 10 years old) from a previous marriage, TTC 5+years, 7 rounds of clomid failed, 3rd round of IUI failed, taking a break till September, Edmonton Alberta Canada
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WantsBaby2
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Re:Life after a tubaligation..
« Reply #2 on: 03/28/05, 11:25 » |
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China,
Welcome to the site. This will be a great source of support and comfort to you. The women on this site are wonderful.
I am so sorry you are feeling so blue. I completely understand. The hormones are pretty awful and could be the major source of your depression. I had a cancelled IVF cycle last month because I did not produce enough follicles. I went through all the meds.....birth control, Follistim, Lupron etc... The meds were so horrible in my opinion. Were it not for wanting a child so badly, I would never do it again. My husband was suggesting getting professional help for my depression.....it was that bad. He didn't mean it in a bad way, he was just worried about me. I was really hysterical and couldn't stop crying for days. Thank God for the ladies on this site, or I would have lost my mind. I know now it was just the meds because I am feeling much much better now that the meds are getting out of my system.
I think the flip side to all this is the stress of the cycle and the fears of all the things that could go wrong. I left my RE's office crying everytime I went in for monitoring because I was so afraid of my cycle being cancelled. Ironically, that is what happened. The stakes feel so high, and most or all the people and family members in your life have no idea how desperate and panicked you feel.
I really hope that this transfer works for you dear. How many IVFs have you done? I have never made it yet to the retrieval/transfer stage yet, so I can only imagine the pain of a failed cycle. Be gentle with yourself at this time and take good care. Don't be afraid to vent anything you feel with us because chances are there are many women here who have felt this way at one time or another. This infertility thing is an awful burden to bear by yourself so please keep us posted. Don't be a stranger!
Wantsbaby2
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38 yrs. DH is 31 yrs. Married November 2002. No children. TTC since the honeymoon. Infertility treatments 2 yrs. 7 failed IUIs. 3 cancelled IVFs due to poor response to meds. Poor ovarian reserve. DH has male factors. Chicago, IL Presently looking into adoption!
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China
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Re:Life after a tubaligation..
« Reply #3 on: 03/28/05, 12:02 » |
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Your responses alone make me feel better knowing that I'm part of this community and NOT ALONE!
I have had 3 retrievals. With my first I had 1 fresh and 1 frozen cycle. My second only produce 3 very weak embryos with emergency icsi and the third produced 8 embryos which 5 had to be thawed and only 2 made it this time. I was transferred with an 8cell grade 1 and a 6 cell grade 2. The most I had before were 4 and 5 cell. I just wish I weren't so emotional.
Thank you for allowing me to unburden myself. It has made me feel so much better.
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Fortyfour
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Re:Life after a tubaligation..
« Reply #4 on: 03/28/05, 12:57 » |
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Your emotional upset is normal. Different things can happen each cycle to cancel it so no wonder we are nervous wrecks. When I first start this journey I thought it wham, bam the embryos are in you and you wait. No way. Its like did the donor make enough eggs to retrieve, did they fertilize, is my endometrium thick enough, are my hormones high enough, did the fertilized eggs make to grade one?. Then there is the two week wait. We are wondering the whole time if everything we do is good or bad for implantation and the baby. ARGH!!!! Take care girl I hope you are succcessful.
Wants baby2, I am sorry you are so sad. It is so hard to deal with those hormone. My husband said I "did so good this month". If he only knew what went on inside of me. Today,, with him away,I feel like I can cry and deal with no pg again without him getting ansy. He wants to fix it. He doesnt understand it is normal to cry because of the loss of another pg. I forget what you next step is?
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Forty Four years old, hubby is 52 married 4 years, TTC 4 years with this hubby, 14 years with first hubby, One adopted daughter, 2nd ivf done, 1st one pg with m/c, second no pg. Uses egg Donor. PG with twins on 3rd IVF mc twins on 8/25/05
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WantsBaby2
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Re:Life after a tubaligation..
« Reply #5 on: 03/28/05, 14:54 » |
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China,
Sorry you have had so many failed cycles. You never know, it could happen when you least expect it! I know it's difficult, but they say it's important to stay positive. It feels nearly impossible to me sometimes. You are most definitely not alone. When I first found this site I thought I was the only one who ever felt angry and bitter and so sad. Boy was I wrong! I wish you lots of baby dust for success this time on your transfer.
Fortyfour,
I am feeling so much better lately. Last week I finally took a deep breath and thought Wow! I feel normal and more like myself again! I was back! What a relief!
The weather in finally getting warmer here in Chicago so that helps the mood a bit too. We are hopefully heading for IVF again in June.
It is true with men, they always want to fix things don't they?!! They can't just let us be sad without trying to remedy the situation somehow.
Wantsbaby2
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38 yrs. DH is 31 yrs. Married November 2002. No children. TTC since the honeymoon. Infertility treatments 2 yrs. 7 failed IUIs. 3 cancelled IVFs due to poor response to meds. Poor ovarian reserve. DH has male factors. Chicago, IL Presently looking into adoption!
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Fortyfour
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Re:Life after a tubaligation..
« Reply #6 on: 03/28/05, 16:02 » |
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Wantsbaby2, I am glad you feel better. It is like the sunshine shining into our brains when the hormones even out. Good luck with your cycle. We are cloudy and rainy here in California again. No more rain I say.
Take care all.
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Forty Four years old, hubby is 52 married 4 years, TTC 4 years with this hubby, 14 years with first hubby, One adopted daughter, 2nd ivf done, 1st one pg with m/c, second no pg. Uses egg Donor. PG with twins on 3rd IVF mc twins on 8/25/05
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Latina
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Re:Life after a tubaligation..
« Reply #7 on: 04/10/05, 20:46 » |
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Hola China,
wow listening to your story reminds me of my own. I had my tubes done at 21 and had them reversed at 26. Like you i was in an abusive relationship and thought I would be with this person forever. I have been with my DH for 13 years and tried two IVF cycles and one FET cycle. 1 IVF cycle failed and the other one was a chemical pregnancy with a beta count of 15.. The FET cycle also to my surprise ended up to be a chemical pregnancy with a beta count of 88. The ladies in this site are wonderful expecially when you need to vent. As i have when I have become frustrated. Im planning on doing another FET cycle next month and hope it takes this time. I have put on close to 10lbs and struggling to take it off by the time i do another cycle. GOOD LUCK and BABY DUST TO YOU!
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China
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Re:Life after a tubaligation..
« Reply #8 on: 04/11/05, 10:26 » |
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It felt really good getting out of that situation but It still haunts me. Every time I had a failed cycle I would think "what if...". I only tied my tubes because I never wanted to become pregnant with him and make a bad situation worse. I promised my self to stop doing that. I was already planning a tubal revfersal when I found out I was actually pregnant! I could have bet BIG money I wasn't with all the spotting.
Yesterday was really scary also because I had one large spotting episode. Though Brown tinged, I was scared. I went to my fertility doctor (Bless His Hands) and he said all looked good. Brown spotting may occur again but I still get nervous thinking about it. I'm 5 weeks 2 days...Can't wait until 12 weeks.
Good luck and tons of Baby Dust to you!!!!
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Fortyfour
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Re:Life after a tubaligation..
« Reply #9 on: 04/11/05, 22:13 » |
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Congrats on the pg China. They say brown spotting is ok. Just not frank red blood. Take care and may that belly keep on growing.
Good luck Latina. Do you have an approximate date yet?
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Forty Four years old, hubby is 52 married 4 years, TTC 4 years with this hubby, 14 years with first hubby, One adopted daughter, 2nd ivf done, 1st one pg with m/c, second no pg. Uses egg Donor. PG with twins on 3rd IVF mc twins on 8/25/05
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BabyBound
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Re:Life after a tubaligation..
« Reply #10 on: 04/11/05, 22:34 » |
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Congratulations, China. Stay positive and take it easy. Hopefully, you will get to 12 weeks in a breeze and everything will turn out fine. Enjoy, Enjoy, Enjoy.
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Me and DH are 35...married 2 yrs...TTC for 2 yrs...m/c in Dec 2003...DH has mild sperm factor...started clomid 100mg for 1st IUI...BFP 4/27/05...Taylor Denise was born 12/30/05
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Latina
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Re:Life after a tubaligation..
« Reply #11 on: 04/12/05, 22:31 » |
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Hi Fourtyfour,
Im not sure if I am going to do another cycle. I had planned on doing a FET cycle this month, because I have frozen embys left BUT my relationship is falling apart from all stress. Im hoping we will be able to weather the storm but its not looking that way.
It's been a tough month. I started to bleed after my last FET cycle and thought it was a no go. Then my RN calls and tells me me beta was 88. I had to basically wait the whole weekend with "what if". It was brutal. I had to go in 3 more times before my beta registered to 0. I was extremely disappointed and sad with this cycle but the worst part was that I felt like I was alone and not in a good place. Im not sure what I plan on doing with my frozen embies..I might just say the hell with him and do the last FET on my own and hope for the best..But then me realistic side kicks in and I have to ask myself"ARE YA CRAZY" its safe to say I HAVE A DILEMA!!What do you think? 
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Fortyfour
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Re:Life after a tubaligation..
« Reply #12 on: 04/12/05, 23:45 » |
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Latina, I am so sorry about the chemical pregnacy, With my first pg my bets was 50, then 78 and then by the 4th bets it started to double. He told on the second beta that the baby would not probably make it so we were freaky until the us. Then a heartbeat only to lose the baby at 10 wks. I dont want to go throught that beta blood draw game again thank you. I shook for days waiting for the results and then having to have another test. I am soooo sorry that you had to go through this.
My hubby and I had a really rough patch before this ivf and I was also not sure whether i should be going through with it. I realize now it was because of the stress of it and glad we did it and kept on with the relationship. I realize now how much my hormones made me insure and anxious. I do not know what is exactly going on for you both but if you guys are usually strong together and it just a situational bad time then hang in there. I was going to move out at one point before my ivf because I thought he was not "involved" enough. But guys pull away during stress and we try to get closer. It is so hard on both partners. Take some time and heal and let your emotions and hormones settle and then take another look at it all. Take care my friend. My thoughts are with you.
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Forty Four years old, hubby is 52 married 4 years, TTC 4 years with this hubby, 14 years with first hubby, One adopted daughter, 2nd ivf done, 1st one pg with m/c, second no pg. Uses egg Donor. PG with twins on 3rd IVF mc twins on 8/25/05
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China
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Re:Life after a tubaligation..
« Reply #13 on: 04/13/05, 16:58 » |
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Latina, Men stress during these times just as much as we do but unlike us they don't like to talk about it. They ignore it, complain ...but don't really show when they are disappointed or scared for that matter.
Why don't you two just go away for a weekend...No baby talk, Just the two of you. When the weekend is almost over sit down and have a heart to heart and decide together.
I'll be praying for u. Just remember, U have to be happy first.
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Latina
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Re:Life after a tubaligation..
« Reply #14 on: 04/13/05, 19:56 » |
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Thank you for your words of wisdom. We are planning a nice weekend away without the whole baby thing. Of course my period just came and Im eager to call the doctor to do my last FET cycle.Im so scared to hold off because I feel like my biological clock is ticking ticking. Not to mention that everytime I walk out my door people are always asking "when are you going to give that man a baby?" I just want to scream at the top of my lungs"what do you think ive ben trying to do for the last 5 years!"to top thhings of noone knows that im even doing IVF. Its hard but im sure we will work it out. I just dont want this whole infertility thing to take away another part of me.
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