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Topic: In a Funk (Read 581 times) |
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Fortyfour
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Hi ladies, I am not sure if it is hormonal or what but i am in quite a funk. I feel like I have a dark cloud in my brain and the sun is shining.
It was my birthday yesterday and I all I could do was cry. I wanted to go treat myself to a new outfit but there was no way I could have managed that. My age doesnt bother me, it is not having a baby by my age that bothers me. I would have never thought that I would not have a baby and be 44 years old. Then it dawned on me that I was to have a baby in June. I would be 7 months pregnant if I had not m/c. The magnitude of that hit me like a rock. I cant call anyone because I would hear the same things. Dont worry it will happen. Stop trying and just enjoy your life. Everything is meant to be. You dont get pregnant for a reason. I wish also that I could give my infertility to someone else to deal with.
Someone asked me if I should just adopt. I told her it wasnt any less expensive and no guarantee we would get a child. I think they see the celebs and think it is a quick process. I am trying to not feel sorry for myself but my mind had no light in it. I have not been this sad for years.
Thanks for letting me vent. Im off to sign papers for my new job. Take care all.
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Forty Four years old, hubby is 52 married 4 years, TTC 4 years with this hubby, 14 years with first hubby, One adopted daughter, 2nd ivf done, 1st one pg with m/c, second no pg. Uses egg Donor. PG with twins on 3rd IVF mc twins on 8/25/05
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WantsBaby2
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Fortyfour,
Happy Birthday one day late!
There are soooo many ups and downs in this process! I know it's so hard to stay positive. It seems that more things go wrong than go right in this journey. I am so sorry about your baby being miscarried. June is going to be hard for you I know.
Even though I am not in my forties yet, I can understand how you feel. I never thought I would be 37 and still no kids. I always thought I would have kids in my twenties and not have any problems. It gets so difficult when you get a little older and you realize you still don't have the babies you want, and that it might not happen. I beat myself up about that all the time. It feels like the party is over and you didn't even get to attend!
The problem with infertility is that we can't grieve and get it over with. We grieve every minute of everyday and it never ends, even though we have good days and bad days. Always know you can come to us and share what you are feeling. Unfortunatly I know all too well how people can be so unfeeling when you feel like your world is being ripped apart. I hope you feel better soon. Do a few nice things for yourself. Go shopping and buy yourself that new outfit! It might take your mind off things for awhile. Take care.
Wantsbaby2
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38 yrs. DH is 31 yrs. Married November 2002. No children. TTC since the honeymoon. Infertility treatments 2 yrs. 7 failed IUIs. 3 cancelled IVFs due to poor response to meds. Poor ovarian reserve. DH has male factors. Chicago, IL Presently looking into adoption!
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meridithhasfaith
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Hiya 44
I wish I could say something wise and uplifting to help with your funk. I guess the only thing I can say is you have a right to be in a funk. You've been through a lot lately and sometimes it piles up a bit.
Hope you feel lots better soon and find hope in a new plan. Having a solid direction might be just the thing to pull you out of the slump.
Take care...
Meridith
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36 years old. Married for 17 years. 1 son, 7 years old, conceived w/ ICSI. 2nd IVF w/ ICSI in June=No Fertilization. August cycle cancelled for poor response. Considering options.
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Fortyfour
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Thank you so much ladies. I feel better after my work venture today. I couldnt bring myself to shop though. No inspiration. I am going to go to Palms Springs tomorrow and visit a girl friend. She is happily childless because she didnt marry til late, but she always supports me. Take care everyone and thanks again
Meredith, I agree that once I can decide on a plan I will feel better and more in control. Thanks.
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Forty Four years old, hubby is 52 married 4 years, TTC 4 years with this hubby, 14 years with first hubby, One adopted daughter, 2nd ivf done, 1st one pg with m/c, second no pg. Uses egg Donor. PG with twins on 3rd IVF mc twins on 8/25/05
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cassandra
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Happy Belated 44. Sorry to hear about your funk. I think it does help to go shopping. I think to pick yourself up is easier said than done. Buying a sharp new outfit picks up my spirits though. Then make plans for a night out with your dh. Dinner,dancing the works. It is your birthday after all! It must be hard for you with June coming up to keep your spirits up. Have you started to look for your next donor?
I don't mean to push you along. I understand how hard it is for each one of us, all different situations yet one objective. I think it is harder for you because of the $$$$. I can't belive how much it costs you. To add heartache I myself don't think I could do it.
I would love to see you get up on that horse again and give it another shot. After my m/c I waited 7 months, but after my last transfer failed and I started talking to you, I started again right away. You gave me hope, comfort and positive attitude! How long did it take for you to find your last donor? I hope not too long. I think I read a post of yours while you were in your 2ww that you and your dh were going to keep trying if it didn't work. I'm sorry if I sound pushy. I haven't walked in your shoes. Keep your chin up girl, I rooting for you! I hope you had a good birthday and best wishes for a joyous year for you and your family. cassandra
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33 yrs old married to dh 12 1/2 yrs. scarred fallopian tubes from laser surgery for cervical cancer cells 3rd ivf attempt in march, now pg. with b/g twins due 12/15/05
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BabyBound
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44 I know it gets hard sometimes, but we are strong women who somehow make it through. My faith is what gets me through the rough times. Going to see your friend tomorrow will do your soul good. Laughter is the key to healing the soul. Take care of yourself and enjoy your day in Palm Springs.
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Me and DH are 35...married 2 yrs...TTC for 2 yrs...m/c in Dec 2003...DH has mild sperm factor...started clomid 100mg for 1st IUI...BFP 4/27/05...Taylor Denise was born 12/30/05
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SMS1129
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44,
I know what you mean about what people (who have kids) say, like "try not to think about it" and "it will happen when the time is right". I know they mean well, but it isn't easy.
I also used to go shopping for a pick me up, but since gaining weight and moving to the next size, it has lost it's appeal. I could get my butt back to exercise class rather than sit on the couch and eat ice cream...something for me to think about...
Happy Belated Birthday!!
Sue
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I am 38; DH is 37. No children; PCO; 1 partially blocked tube; 2 failed IUI's; 3rd IUI cancelled; 1st IVF in May resulted in m/c; 2nd IVF in August, BFP on 9/6/05.
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Fortyfour
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Thank you so much ladies. My 2 sisters called yesterday and actually asked about the ivf in March without me having to say. We had good talks. My mother on the other hand is her usually nasty, angry self and I have decided she is too toxic to converse with. She thinks she can say things and act any way she wants as long as she has "her" rationlization for it. I talked with both sisters and one has also given up on her because of her meaness and the other says mom does not do that to her. It amazes me that my daughter and I have such a good relationship and my mom and I dont.
I am still looking at agencies for prices and ladies. My relatives are not an option at this point. I pick up the brochures, start looking at the fees and get so frustrated, feel guilty for putting more debt on the family and put them away. I feel like I am standing on the edge of the cliff and dont have the nerve to paraglide off. I know it will get better but that is how it is for now.
Thanks for all your thoughts ladies. Have a great day and Baby dust to all.
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Forty Four years old, hubby is 52 married 4 years, TTC 4 years with this hubby, 14 years with first hubby, One adopted daughter, 2nd ivf done, 1st one pg with m/c, second no pg. Uses egg Donor. PG with twins on 3rd IVF mc twins on 8/25/05
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ElizabethS
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30yrs old. no kids. one ovary and no tubes.
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44 - Thanks for being real. As I start this process, I really appreciate hearing about everyone's ups and downs. After feeling so alone, it is nice to have a place to get support and vent. I will be thinking of you, and hope that you get to feeling better soon. I have been in this forum for about a week, and your honesty and openess inspires me. You are super strong.
PS- I love spa days when I feel like crap. Since having to pay mega dollars for IVF - I go to the local beauty acedemy and get facials and pedicures for cheap.
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snindy
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It's normal to feel this way, I've felt this way many of times. We wish we can snap a finger to get pregnant but we know that it's not like that.
I think that if anyone can get out of this funk, it will be you.
You have always had a positive attitude through out this journey.
I wish you the best!
Cindy
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32 yrs old, Been trying about 5 yrs, married for 9yrs, Suffer from PCOS, 1 failed IUI and 1 IVF that led to miscarriage. 2nd IVF 10/27/05. BFP 11/10/05 I'm having twins... had b/g twins 4/7/06 at 25 1/2 wks
I reside in Michigan.
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Fortyfour
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Thanks everyone, I am feeling better today and actually feel like their is sunlight in my brain and feel positive. I suppose the dark feeling was mostly the hormones. I have not gone through ivf and then no pg before so I dont know what the hormones do to you.
I am looking at donors now with serious consideration. I am looking at agencies out of LA since the fees are so outrageous here. It is cheaper to fly someone in from Arizona and put them up in a hotel then us a local agency. We are on the wrong side of this buisness let me tell you.
Take care all.
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Forty Four years old, hubby is 52 married 4 years, TTC 4 years with this hubby, 14 years with first hubby, One adopted daughter, 2nd ivf done, 1st one pg with m/c, second no pg. Uses egg Donor. PG with twins on 3rd IVF mc twins on 8/25/05
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cassandra
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HOLY #*!* I can't believe that. I guess it is serious business. I think it is amazing that women out there donate eggs FOR A LIVING. I think the fees are a bit exorbant 4- 10K per cycle? We are definately in the wrong business. Maybe we should be their agents  cassandra
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33 yrs old married to dh 12 1/2 yrs. scarred fallopian tubes from laser surgery for cervical cancer cells 3rd ivf attempt in march, now pg. with b/g twins due 12/15/05
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