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Topic: I just need support, I think? (Read 340 times) |
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ALYXINA
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[b][/b] Hi there, I have never been one to ask for help my times of need. I found this site by accident and maybe it's no accident!
I am not able to have a child. I am 38 and married 8 years. My husband had a vasectomy after going thru 12 MC and 3 tubals, we decided my body and mind couldn't take anymore! I do feel all alone in this although I have 4 sisters who can concieve and have at least 3 each. I feel mad and sad and above all alone! The last straw was losing my mother, the only one who I thought could help me with hugs and love. My sister's are not empathetic at all. I don't know where to turn and I am very depressed. I don't know what it is I am asking, maybe just words of encouragement. I am not sure where I am in life, I own a hairsalon and am fullfilled in my marriage, I thought getting a puppy would help and really it has, but nothing can take the place of a child, at least I havent found it. I am very family orientated and volunteer alot of my free time with my church and other organizations, to keep my mind occupied, but sometimes it just doesn't help. I babysit my neices and nephews alot and love spending time with them, but after the weekend is over and my house is empty, I am miserable and depressed for days until the next time.. does anyone have any suggestions to give me.
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lindsey
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Re:I just need support, I think?
« Reply #1 on: 04/05/05, 17:54 » |
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Hello Alyxina....welcome to the site. I am sorry that you are experiencing such pain. I cannot believe you went through that many miscarriages --- that had to be more salt in the womb than anyone should have to experience in a single lifetime. I know with my 1, I was depressed and angry for at least 6 months. Actually.... I am still hurting over it.
Are there other options that you could take like adoption or a surragate? I am sad that your sisters are not sympethetic. Have you ever sat them down and really discussed your feelings? I know with the people I deal with that have tons of kids....they could care less about my problems.
It seems like you are doing the right activities to keep busy. My dog helps me. I walk her daily at the park. I take her to a fancy dog park....to Pet Smart...hang out with other dog owners. For me another outlet in a big way is travelling. I think of a place that we both want to go....and then we plan the trip and you anticipate the trip for months prior to the vaca... getting outfits together, etc. Then when you finally go on the trip you have a great time and come back energized. We always pick places that are vacations for adults. No Disney kid vacation where you get really depressed, places like NYC or Miami. Sometimes the vaca is just 4 days --- a long weekend. Over my Spring Break we did Tarpon Springs outside of Tampa for two nights. It is just wonderful to escape. It works for me and obviously this site is very helpful.
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42 years old. Married 13 years. One miscarriage 3 years ago at 8 weeks. 2 failed IVF which resulted in no pregnancy. IVF April 12 with donor egg.
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WantsBaby2
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Re:I just need support, I think?
« Reply #2 on: 04/05/05, 18:38 » |
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Alyxina,
I am sorry you are having such a tough time. Did you say 12 m/c?? Oh my word! You have had a horrific time. I can't even imagine. I could just sit down and cry for you. No wonder you are so depressed.
Not to be nosy or pushy, but have you ever considered adoption? I know it takes awhile sometimes for you to be ready for that to be an option. It will be our next move if our IVFs don't work. If you love children so much it might be a good decision for you. Were they ever able to give you any insight as to why you kept m/c?
It is so hard to see all the families and the children at our church. As a matter of fact, this coming Sunday is a baby dedication service at our church. I told my husband I just cannot go. I am liable to break down and start crying during the service, and then I will feel like a huge idiot and no one will understand why!!!!!
You need to be very gentle with yourself. You have been through a lot. It's only natural to feel this way. I have read that there would be something even more wrong with you if you did not feel depressed, angry and miserable after dealing with infertility. You are normal, and you have found a site where the women are so supportive because we know exactly what you are going through.
I am so sorry about your mother. That, I'm sure is a true heartbreak for you. Mothers are truly special people. Your sisters just don't understand. Anyone who has conceived naturally has no clue what we go through.
Come to this site when you are feeling sad and depressed. You will have true understanding here. Vent, cry, scream, whine and get angry all you need to, and we will be here to help you get through it. I was alone and I thought I was a horrible jealous person before I found this site. It was a huge relief to find out I am not alone. These are very normal emotions for women going through very traumatic experiences.
Take care, Wantsbaby2
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38 yrs. DH is 31 yrs. Married November 2002. No children. TTC since the honeymoon. Infertility treatments 2 yrs. 7 failed IUIs. 3 cancelled IVFs due to poor response to meds. Poor ovarian reserve. DH has male factors. Chicago, IL Presently looking into adoption!
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Fortyfour
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Re:I just need support, I think?
« Reply #3 on: 04/05/05, 23:08 » |
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Alyxina. I cannot imagine having 12 m/c. You may think of yourself as weak and depressed right now but you are a tremendously strong women. I would look into the different ways to be a parent and see if anyone of them sounds good to the both of you. I know what you mean about going about and living a good life but still having that empty spot in your heart for a child. I have done alot of living during this journey but I still long for and grieve not having my own child. I adopted one and that did help but now she lives with her dad.
I want to adopt older kids if this does not work out.
I hope you find the answer to your heartache. My prayers are with you on your journey. Talk to us anytime.
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Forty Four years old, hubby is 52 married 4 years, TTC 4 years with this hubby, 14 years with first hubby, One adopted daughter, 2nd ivf done, 1st one pg with m/c, second no pg. Uses egg Donor. PG with twins on 3rd IVF mc twins on 8/25/05
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