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Topic: Coping with inability to talk to partner (Read 101 times) |
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Coping
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I'm a llama!
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Coping with inability to talk to partner
« on: 04/07/08, 20:49 » |
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Since we found out our fertility issues are in all likelyhood connected to my husbands low count, motility and morphology, talking about next steps has been close to impossible without extremely high emotions to the point where we just can't talk about it.
Does anyone have any advice? I am completely lost on how to talk about next steps without causing the inevitable emotional outburst. I feel very guilty bringing it up, because it feels like I'm adding salt to an already very large wound time and again. And every month it seems to get worse.
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Arabsrcool
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BFP on 3/12!!!. Due date 11/16
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Re:Coping with inability to talk to partner
« Reply #1 on: 04/09/08, 13:49 » |
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Coping,
well that is a really hard issue. Its one my dh and I struggled with also early on. We acted like it didn't exist for quite some time, until the desire to have a child finally won out and we talked about it (in small increments) You also have to really try and be emotionless as you can be, almost like you are talking about someone else's issues. YOu have to be really careful not to place blame, but just see how far your dh is willing to go to have a child. If IVF is an option, go that route. If his counts are not good enough for IVF (he has to have almost no sperm at all not be be good enough), would he consider a sperm donor? It is terribly hard to get the conversation started, but the topic is just hanging between the two of you. If you broach the subject and he shuts down or gets angry, just drop it, give him some time to process. Hope that helps.
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Marina
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Baby dust wanted!Waiting for FET June 13
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Re:Coping with inability to talk to partner
« Reply #2 on: 04/09/08, 22:25 » |
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I agree with Ronda,at first,this is very hard for their ego  and it depends how bad they want to have kids.My DH was blaming himself for the problem on his part and he was ready to do anything...
If you guys cant talk on this subject,try to write him an e-mail,tell him all about your feelings,so that way he can't interrupt you.And then give him some time to think,sooner or later he'll come around.
Good luck!
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Coping
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Re:Coping with inability to talk to partner
« Reply #3 on: 04/10/08, 11:28 » |
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Thank you for your reply's. It's my first time posting and really need some advise. We are not talking about this with anyone else yet (ie. extended family & friends) but everyone knows we're having problems because they've stopped asking us when "we're going to have kids" which in it's own weird way- adds to the pain.
We tried a spermwash in the fall and discussed IVF for the New Year. I know he wants a family becasue we communicated really well about it before the holiday break. Starting this conversation back up is where I am stuck. I will take your advise about writing it down. Thanks, I'll let you know how it goes.
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Coping
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Re:Coping with inability to talk to partner
« Reply #4 on: 04/14/08, 13:59 » |
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I wrote things down and we had a chat. Thanks - at least we talked about it - some snappig and bitching - but mostly productive.
Parts of what I wrote down made him furious, but we got through it and committed to going next month for IVF (if needed - hopefully first and last try)
Things are still 'odd' between us, so I'm hoping it's just the unknown, uncertainty, etc... - does that weirdness ever go away while you're trying? Feels like we're not on the same wavelength. We've been together for 15years - first time feeling 'lonely' - very weird. I guess it is grief for the loss of the option for the 'natural' process.
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Arabsrcool
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BFP on 3/12!!!. Due date 11/16
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Re:Coping with inability to talk to partner
« Reply #5 on: 04/14/08, 16:09 » |
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Coping,
WEll, the hardest part is over, you started the converstation.
Things might feel "odd" for awhile because its all just so very personal, even with the person you are closest with. The "weirdness" does go away, it gives out to worry and waiting during the IVF cycle. But it is all worth it.!
Ronda
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Marina
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Baby dust wanted!Waiting for FET June 13
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Re:Coping with inability to talk to partner
« Reply #6 on: 04/14/08, 18:06 » |
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Good progress,girl!
now tell him,that he is not only one with this kind of issues,there are milllions others in the same boat.In fact,40% of infertility cases because of the men!And it's not important who's falt is this,what matters is if you can correct this.You are even.But i'll tell you what,without suggar cover,it's not going to be easy,your sex life will be scrued for a LOOONG time,it's an emotional roller coster and before you start,you have to be on the same page with your partner,have a full support from him,explain him all the detals os the process,so it's not going to be a big surprise for him some of the parts in a process.
Maybe you should sit down with him and do your own reserch before you go see specialist,see all the steps in a process.
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