For Anyone Having Doubts
We went through infertility for 5 years before deciding to throw in the towel and move to adoption. We wanted a family, and thought we could do this through adoption. The both of us went through all the information needed and picked a plan. Yet there were doubts and fears....would we connect with this child? Could we handle parenthood? Would I feel a loss of not having a biological child?
We proceeded, had our home study, mentally tried to prepare. And when the process was finished, we sat and waited on news from our social worker as to when we would become parents. Our estimated time frame was about 8 months from completion of our paperwork. Once that was done and we got a referral of a child, we would then wait 3 months or so until we were able to bring our little one home.
And so, New Year's eve of the millennium, we toasted to our becoming parents before the spring time flowers would be in bloom.
On January 2nd we got a phone call that would forever change our lives. A family friend had delivered a baby boy being placed for adoption....and did we want him? Well heck yeah we did! We hopped in our car and drove the 4 hour ride to the hospital. We had nothing except a borrowed car seat and our racing minds.
Once at the hospital we saw this little angel, our son. This was utterly impossible...that after 5 years we were now parents. And to think that only 2 days before we were still having doubts as to whether we could handle this or not.
Now I can sit here and answer those doubts for you. It is a year later, and I am planning his first birthday party. The connection was automatic. This little doll grabbed our hearts the minute we met him. I could think of nothing but what I could do for this baby, and what he had done for me.
As for handling parenthood....the first three months were rough, but there is nothing but joy at the bottom line. Sleep deprived; maybe, but wonderful; ABSOLUTELY!!!!
Of course there will be tough spots down the road. Questions he may ask, questions others may ask him. But now we are so open about this...and we hope we are instilling in him a sense that the way we came to be a family is no less a miracle than conception is.
Do I feel a sense of loss at not having a biological child? This child is now in my blood. The fact that I did not give birth to him is irrelevant. I could stand on a roof top and shout out he is adopted, but I could not imagine feeling more for him had I given birth to him. I feel no sense of loss. In fact just the opposite, I feel a sense of an incredible gift being given to me.
I would now choose no other path to parenthood.