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Kiki06~ I agree with Fiso, it sounds like that lady has no common sense. It is a HUGE decision to decide to adopt, and it's not the right decision for everyone, so it's not something that you can just decide quickly. Plus, if you really want to conceive, you should not just skip infertility treatments and go straight to adoption, because there are so many things dr's can do to help you conceive now, IMHO. Comments like that can be so frustrating, but I know how you feel. Hang in there :)
Leslie
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Thanks my Mommies to be. I feel so much better now.
You all are so great, I'm so happy I joined this site. Baby dust to us all.
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I was so happy to see this post. I am glad to know that my family is not the only one that seems to put their foot in their mouths.
My dh and I lost a child in May due to an ectopic pregnancy. To start the ball rolling, when I called my best friend to tell her we were pregnant (she also is going through infertility) she said "Oh, I guess I should say congratulations" You guess????
Then she stated, "well you shouldn't tell anyone. Wait until I get pregnant before you share this information". Almost made me rethink the best friend angle. I just told myself she is very sensitive right now and having a hard time because it is not her.
Then 2 days after an ectopic pregnancy that led to 4 days in the hospital my mother, who is a therapist, calls. "I am going to a baby shower and want you to go with me". She would not take no for an answer, I was in tears and could not get control over my emotions. She even had the nerve to tell me "You are being very selfish, this is one of my dearest friends and I want you to make an appreance!" Can you even imagine. Guess it's true what they say. "Therapist can help anyone but their own families".
Things are much better now. I have come to the conclusion that there was nothing I could have done different to stop the loss. Just praying and waiting to the end of August to start again. Hopefully with lots of love and support this time. Thank heavens for DH!!!!
Kelli
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Kelli,
Hang in there. I am still trying to cope with the comments. I feel bad that your Mom dragged you to a baby shower of all things!!! What was she thinking.
Your best friend may also be going through her motions given her infertility - it may be best to forgive her. That doesn't mean you have to share your good news with her again.
You're on the right path and have the wonderful support of your husband and your friends on this board to help you through.
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Kiki,
Thank you for your support. I love the fact that you can come to this forum and say and talk about ANYTHING! The women here are awesome. Thanks for listening.
Kelli
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Kelli~ Your post reminded me so much of my friend. After my wedding, my (now ex) best friend told me that I had to wait to get pregnant until she was. I told her that it was my decision when to have children, not hers. Then when we didn't get pregnant right away, she started making all these horrible comments about how we weren't conceiving and how we could practice being parents when she had kids. She is a very insecure person and I know she makes those comments because of her own insecurities, but it still really hurt. Last week she called me in tears because she thinks she is infertile. As much as I would have loved to be as mean to her as she was to me, I tried my best to console her. I am still trying to forgive her for the hurtful things she said, but I know that she realizes how I feel now.
I'm sure it is hard for your friend hearing that you were pregnant when she was having a hard time ttc, but a true friend will let you make your own decisions regarding when to tell people, plus she should be excited for you! And it should offer her hope that you got pregnant. It sounds like she is just having some issues of her own with ttc. But that doesn't mean you should have to plan a pregnancy around her schedule. If she is a true friend, she will be happy for you, even if it is hard for her to accept you being pregnant.
I'm sorry to hear about the ectopic pregnancy and the baby shower situation, that must have been really hard. Losing a child is hard, no matter how old they are or how early in a pregnancy it happens. If you ever need to talk, there are plenty of eager listeners on this board who will understand. Keep the faith, you will get a healthy child.
Leslie
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Leslie,
Thank you so much for the info. There are several things that are going on with my friend right now. To the point her dh (who is a wonderful man) is about at his wits end.
Quick story: He has a daughter by a previous marriage. My friend is very jealous of this child. She thinks that her and her daddy are too close. I know very strange. She is thinking about the infertility 24/7 and finding every excuse she can to not change doctors. I too saw this dr. He is a creep. No compassion. She has been told by several dr. that she needs to see a IVF dr. She does not accept this. It's not even a money thing. She is 38 and has been ttc for 4 years. She believes that is because her husband has low count. But the dr will not give her a diagnoisis either.
She is a wonderful person, but very high strung due to all the disappointment. However, her step daughter is a angel. She has little girl issues but who dosen't. My friends dh and I talk alot about how to help her. She just is not enjoying life due to this. She can not get excited about anything. He is at the end. Trying to stay strong in faith is their saving grace.
I know that she was happy for us in some small way. She just has her demons to deal with. I keep her in my prayers and listen when she needs to talk. Just will be careful in what I share in the future. She is a very special friend.
Thanks for listening to me ramble.
Kelli
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Hey Kelli,
That's too bad about your friend. I can kind of identify with what she's going through, because when my friends tell me they're pregnant (and a LOT of them are right now) there is a part of me that doesn't know how to deal with it. I am still happy and excited for them, but at the same time it makes it even harder for me to accept the fact that we're not expecting yet. So I can understand where your friend is coming from, but I hope she can still be there for you and share in your excitement, because it will be so much more fun for both of you. And it doesn't sound like she meant to be hurtful with her comments, so that is good. Hopefully you guys can be happy for each other no matter who gets pregnant first, but I know that sometimes it's hard.
Best of luck and loads of baby dust!
Leslie
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LeslieAnn,
Thank you for your comments. I know that it can be difficult when you are wanting something so bad. However, as a friend I feel there are certain standards we must try to aspire to. I guess my motto has always been "rejoice with those who are rejoicing and mourn with those who are mourning". I understand also that we put expectations on people we are sometimes let down. She is a good friend and I want her to be apart of my life, but for now it is just best that I limit the information I give her. I know all too well the pain of what she is going through.
I did not mean for this to sound hard, I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.
Kelli
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Hey Kelli, no problem! Venting is what this board is here for! :) I understand your decision completely.
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I had a friend who had two very unplanned pregnancies. She asked me once if it bothered me that I was having so much trouble getting pregnant while people like her get pregnant by accident.
I was dumbfounded.
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I have the same situation here at work. I work with a young lady that is on her 3rd preg. and she is only 21. Her first two were one night stands and this one was due to the fact she did not get her pill filled for A MONTH! Seems like she can be told a dirty joke and gets preg. She does not know that I am trying and I would like to keep it that way. However, she seems to think that it funny that she can get preg so easy.
I just don't understand sometimes how God picks parents. I am sure that he has a method but it seems like the people who can provide and want to give all their time to a child, have the hardest time. We have to remember, me included, that some day we WILL have our miracle and when we do it will be our world. Until then we have to deal with stupid comments and just think "What dosen't make us KILL THEM can only make us stronger". Hang in there.
By the way how are you today? You sounded down yestarday. Just wanted you to know that someone is thinking about you today. Have a great one. Lots of sticky baby dust.
Kelli
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I have the same situation here at work. I work with a young lady that is on her 3rd preg. and she is only 21. Her first two were one night stands and this one was due to the fact she did not get her pill filled for A MONTH! Seems like she can be told a dirty joke and gets preg. She does not know that I am trying and I would like to keep it that way. However, she seems to think that it funny that she can get preg so easy.
I just don't understand sometimes how God picks parents. I am sure that he has a method but it seems like the people who can provide and want to give all their time to a child, have the hardest time. We have to remember, me included, that some day we WILL have our miracle and when we do it will be our world. Until then we have to deal with stupid comments and just think "What dosen't make us KILL THEM can only make us stronger". Hang in there.
By the way how are you today? You sounded down yestarday. Just wanted you to know that someone is thinking about you today. Have a great one. Lots of sticky baby dust.
Kelli
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I think we all have those not so friendly friends who offers comments that are best unsaid.
I have a friend that came running to me crying because she is pregnant. She has two great kids, a wonderful husband, a large home...I could only say, "and the problem is...?"
The best line of all time was while I was watching my friend play with her son at the pool. They were having a great time, and when I commented, "I can't wait to play with my own little boy." She said "oh ya, and you can't wait to give up your bikini, sleeping in, and starbucks either right?"
It is always odd when women offer up their children to you. I never really understood that comment. You want kids...here have mine. Only once did a friend offer up her kids for a good cause. We were thinking about having kids, so she let us barrow hers to see what it was like to take two kids out to dinner. We wanted to, and she was more than ok with playing along. It was fun. But I truly do not understand the women who act like motherhood is prison.
Worse...when a pregnant girl friend looks at you and says, "you are sooo lucky to not be pregnant." It leave me thinking...are these people sending me whamy vibes or what?!
The up shot to the whole thing is...we all know what not to say to other women! ;)
mrsydb
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How about the stupist comment of all: maybe you should sit on it.! Augh, how stupid people can be...
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One thing I find so frustrating is people NOT telling you when someone's PG. Like you wouldn't be happy for them. Just because I can't get PG doesn't mean no one else should either.
I just received an E-MAIL (no doubt) from a very close (so I thought) friend of mine informing a random group of people that she was 8 1/2 weeks pregnant and had a M/C this morning. While I am extremely sad for her loss I can't believe she has been keeping the news of her pregnancy from me, I am sure waiting for me to get pregnant myself so I wouldn't be as upset (I have gotten that from a few people "I wanted to wait to tell you until we could share the good news to each other")~as if I wouldn't notice the bump. Insult to injury this was not a planned pregnancy, with her first two kids she was telling people the day she took her test.
Just confused about the whole thing and needed to vent.
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