Need to tell someone who's gone through it.
3 Replies
java1 - May 16

Hello there,
I'm 35 yrs old and have just had a laparoscopy performed 4 days ago in Hong Kong. My DH and I are here for his job, we've been here 5 months already, but I still feel relatively new here. After two years of TTC, we decided to see a fertility specialist. We are very lucky to have found an excellent doctor, thank goodness.
Anyway, doc has confirmed that I do have endo, I'm still in shock because I've never had any pain and my periods have always been normal. Doc has removed a chocolate cyst from my left ovary and two cysts which were anchored to my right tube. There's some damage to the right tube, but not too bad. Both tubes are open. At the hosp, doc stated that we have a 30-40% chance of conceiving naturally, if we have no luck then we move to discussing IUI and/or IVF. I guess I'm having a hard time understanding why that % is so low since the lap was performed successfulluy. I will ask at my follow up appt this Fri.
Although my DH is very supportive and I try to stay upbeat, there are many times I feel lonely since my family is back in the US, depressed that I have to go through this, and scared that I won't get pregnant!

 

sarah27 - May 16

Java,

You're not the only one who is depressed with ttc or to have your dreams crushed by doctor. Don't feel that you need to get over it or that what your feeling is wrong. I was in shock, angry, and depressed for months. In some ways I still am. What your going through is normal. Sometimes I thought I was back to my normal self and then bam! I walked by a maternity store or saw someone pregnant and all I wanted was to be alone and cry.

Its great that your dh is so supportive. It helps to have someone but, women usually need another woman's support every now and then. This website has helped me that way. Some great advice I received at the beginning of infertility was to not feel guilty for not doing things. If someone wanted me to go to a baby shower, I said no even when if they were great friends. I also told family that if I needed to leave or didn't show up for something that they shouldn't worry, I just wasn't feeling up to it. My family is far away and sometimes I would call my mom and just cry on the phone. You can do it and get through this.

Doctors always say a low percentage. You will find out more when you go again. I think you have a great chance of getting pregnant. Even if you end up doing iui or ivf the percentages seem high for natural. There are some great websites to track your cycle and find out exactly when you should do it. If you are having a hard time emotionally there is a book called 'Unsung Lullabies' that will help with how you are feeling. It has great stories and it helped me a lot when I was down.

Sorry that this is long but your words touched me. Even though our story of infertility is different, feelings are always the same. Know that there are people that care for you and are willing to pray for you.

Take care and God bless,

Sarah

 

java1 - May 17

Hi Sarah,

Thanks for your kind words and the book reference, I will give it a try.

I'm new to the forum and I've read a lot of other posts today, including yours. It feels so good to know that I'm not alone in this.
In reply to your post "New Here," I think it was Liz who responded, her husband says to people "we are practicing," that's a good one. I know that when people ask me, I say "we're working on it." Just say it with a sense of strength, they should pick up on the fact that you have it all under control and that it's not something you really want to talk about. And that's not being mean in any way.
By the way, I admire your strength. In all your posts, you always have a way of explaining your feelings in a positive manner. I know your situation is extremely difficult, but you will get through this! :)

In a way, it's good that I'm in Hong Kong because it has taken me away from all that questioning. My extended family (aunts, cousins, etc.) do not know that I had this procedure done and that we're working with a fertility specialist. As a matter of fact, nobody on my DH's side of the fam knows anything! I guess I just don't want to be judged and I feel that they WOULD judge me. Besides, I remember talking to one of my SILs about a year ago about how it hasn't happened for us yet, and all she kept saying was how she got pregnant right away and how it was so easy! I remember thinking "Good for you!"

Take care and keep up that positive thinking!

 

sarah27 - May 22

Java,

Thanks for being understanding and kind. I think your lucky not to have much family knowing. Its hard not to want to tell them, but if they know they seem to always ask how its going. They knew my iui schedule and when it didn't work they were upset like me. I think I could have handled it better if it was just my dh and me.

My husbands sister lives in Hong Kong. She is on a mission for one more year for the mormon church. It sounds like a wonderful place to be because they have everything. It sounds like you have a great doctor too. I hope your new appointment went well and you have a better idea of what you need to do.

Take care and stay strong yourself

Sarah

 

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