M/C Causes...
15 Replies
SamanthaS - April 13

I'm sure anyone who has had a m/c knows this feeling.. I have been beating myself up since my m/c wondering if it was something I had done. I know what everyone says.. That is inevitable and happened for a reason.. I went in for my u/s at 6 wks 6days and the baby's heartbeat was in the 60's.. The week before my u/s I had gotten the flu and was told by the doc's that I could take Tylenol flu.. so I did. A week later I went in and they said the baby's heartbeat was gone, and that it stopped growing at 6wks 6 days.. I had a lot of things go wrong during the pg. I fell in the ice, slid off the road and hit a rock, got in a fight.. a big one.., and the flu.. I can't help but wonder if it was one of those things that led to my m/c. I know it's too late to change anything, and that I should let it go and accept that my baby is in a better place. But it's so hard. And with planning a new pregnancy I want to be sure not to make a mistake. As a matter of fact I have refused to take any medicine, and walk/drive slowly even though the ice and snow is gone! Am i being crazy? Or is this a natural way to feel.... Input would be appreciated.. Thanks so much!

 

Latina - April 14

Samantha,
Im sorry to hear about your mc. You are bound to have those feelings but you cant beat yourself up over it. I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and I have to tell you I was devasted. It took a while for me to grasp the whole situation BUT I realized that it was just not ment to be at that time. 6 months later I became pregnant and gave birth to a 8lb4oz baby boy.
Granted Samantha you probably want to hang up your boxing gloves... ;)
Good luck to you...

 

Fortyfour - April 14

It is not your fault you had the m/c. To not think it is your gault is hard. Society makes us think it is. People think it is something we do to the babies but actually it is usually a bad embryo. my hubby and i got into a fight after my 16 yr old ran away from her dads and I lost the baby 10 days later. He tried to blame himself for making me upset but I dont think they are that fragile. I think we would have to do something that would be a danger to our lives in order to endanger theres. It was not a strong embryo.

I am sorry for your loss and hope that you feel better as time goes on. Dont beat yourself up it is hard enough to handle. Take care and keep in touch. We are here for you.

 

cassandra - April 14

I completely sympathize with your feelings. Before my latest IVF I have been having pains in my right ear. Finally I saw a specialist and was diagnosed with something called TMJ. My jaw cracks and hits the nerve causing severe earache pains. Because I couldn't take the drugs he wanted me to I have been suffering. If it gets too bad I take tylenol which they say is ok. Although they say it's alright, I still get nervous. It's nice to know it's not something we do to cause m/c, but the embryo itself. Last year I went through a list of things in my head that I did to cause a m/c but you know, it doesn't help now to worry about everything I do.
I know it's a possibility, and it will be with me for the first half of this pregnancy. I think our minds and hearts will never let us have our guard down until after we have a healthy baby post m/c. Good luck to you. cassandra

 

SamanthaS - April 14

Its nice to hear the opinions of other women that have been in my position. I guess it's just to easy to blame it on bad embryos, I always think there has to be more to everything. I have been trying to keep my head off of the subject so that I can concentrate on ttc, but that just brings on more thinking.. and quite honestly im a little obsessive about the things I do... haha. But your thoughts have helped.. thanks a lot! I have to give it to those of you who have been through so much more than me. You are very strong women!

 

TTC in SoCal - April 14

Samantha... what you are feeling is perfectly normal. When you think you might have hurt the baby... remember how many babies are born to alcoholic mothers... how many babies are born to women in 3rd world countries who don't get proper nutrition.... it is hard to hurt a strong embryo.... that being said, however, you need to ask your doctor to check all the various antibodies that can cause miscarriage. Without genetic testing, no one can tell you what happened, but be assured it was nothing you did.
I actually talked with my husband about it when I knew we were losing our baby... I was afraid he would blame me and I wanted to clear the air so I would know he wasn't thinking I did something wrong that made us lose the baby.
It is a very very difficult thing, so your feelings are normal. Just hang in there.... the pain eases with time although I don't think it will ever truly go away.
You are in our thoughts!!!! many hugs coming your way.

 

SamanthaS - April 15

Well the part about alcoholic mother is what makes it so hard to forget. It's hard to understand why a woman who does not want a baby at all, and abuses her body during pregnancy can give birth to a baby, and women that want babies, lose them. I've witnessed it around me so many times. My own sister got pregnant and wanted to have an abortion because it was her third and she didn't think she could handle it. (Of course she came around..and I have a beautiful little nephew..) But it angers me, and I'm sure all of you can relate with me on that... Its just ...pardon my language....CRAPPY! But i guess there is a reason for everything.. although at times its hard to comprehend.. Maybe god just needed a few more little angels..I hope we all eventually get what we're looking for.. I find out at the end of April whether this month was successful or not.. I'm impatient already... Once again ladies, thanks for all the support! It really has helped!

 

TTC in SoCal - April 15

Samantha... I know we all experience anger in varying degrees at varying times. just come back here to vent it and you'll feel better. I know I'm feeling pretty angry at the moment myself.... i look at my family and my brother has 5 children (1 an accident post-vasectomy) and my sister has 3.... i'm only asking for 1 at this point... just enjoy the anger-free moments as best you can and take a deep breath when a big wave of it hits you and just survive through it. hang in there... we're all here for you!!!

 

Fortyfour - April 16

You are so fresh from you m/c. Those first few months are so hard. You are brave to try again now. Good luck and I hope you are pg.

TTC is right - at your age m/c rate is low. If you have another one they should do testing before you try again. Take care.

 

lindsey - April 16

The way I look at miscarriages (at this point anyway) after years of pain from the one I had, it is nature's way of taking care of embryos that are not strong. Now that that is said.....if I find out I am pregnant on Friday....I am scared to death of another miscarriage. I think when you have one... it is in the back of your mind that another one is possible. I know that there is nothing that we did to cause them, but it still hurts ALOT. Miscarriages are right up there with infertility....they stink!

 

cassandra - April 16

I agree completely Lindsey! I'm trying REALLY hard to not worry about it. cassandra

 

TTC in SoCal - April 17

yes... they stink!!! :-) but.... as long as you are taking care of yourself and doing everything you can to stay healthy, etc.... it is not in your hands..... save your energy for the things that are in your control and pray for the things that are out of it...

 

SamanthaS - April 17

The support is very much appreciated. I am trying hard not to thin k about that and to concentrate on staying healthy and trying to conceive. Thanks again.. :)

 

Fortyfour - April 20

I get sick to my stomach when I think of being pregnant again and getting to 10 weeks when we did our last u/s and found no heartbeat. I could not bear that again. Good luck to all. Remember 85 percent of women who have had m/c go on to have normal pregnancies. Take care

 

paige - April 20

Hello I read what you wrote the first time and didn't read anyone else's so I don't know the opions you have gotten but I truley feel for you and it put tears to my eyes, I am new here and haven't yet read much of everything going on. If you haven't already been told it's not your fault and try agian that's what I will tell you. I am so sorry and wish you the best. I know how devastating it is just know what if it is meant to happen will. I have never prayed for anyone but I will for you. I never have my fertility go my way. I feel so bad for you and it touches me deeply. Sorry I am getting so upset I have been through a lot and care for others that I can relate to. I wish you the best of luck, Please don't give up!!!!!!!

 

SamanthaS - April 21

Paige,
Thank you for your words.. they mean a lot. It's so nice to have people that you can relate to and talk to about the stress that m/c causes. This group is a great one for that.. the women in here are more supportive and kind than some of my own friend.. they have helped me to feel more alive and to understand my emotions... On the other hand I am trying again.. this month actually. Some people have tried to tell me not to do it so quickly.. but I have waited one cycle... and I think this will help me heal. I will never forget the baby I lost.. and I don't want to. But the sight of other couples with their babies is enough to make any woman want to conceive. I wish everyone luck!!

 

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