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Laura,

I responded to you but I do not see my response here. Did you get it?

Thanks Christie,
I am still in mourning over not being able to have my own child. It's sad for me to think that my child will not have my smile...or my hair...or my mom's beautiful blue eyes...or my grandmother's dimple. Maybe all this sounds silly to some people....I don't know. I only know how I feel.

I think I am just downright depressed and I am not sure I want to carry a child that is not biologically mine. I am just sooo confused right now. I had no idea how difficult this would be. Can anyone offer any insight to all this? I know adoption is soooo expensive...and I don't quite know yet how we are gonna swing that. Why does adoption have to be so damn expensive? As if us infertiles haven't been through enough already!

I am dealing with so many emotions right now, so I think it's going to be awhile before we can make any decisions. Thanks for listening girls.

Laura

Laura,

My endometrium is now growing. I have a donor and her eggs are being retrieved on Saturday, so next wek is my time.

Here in the CZECH Republic there is a good gene pool and it is way way way cheaper than America or most other countries. you can even stay at the facility while you are getting your eggs (in the process), they have shared donor programs and individula donors.

I did not go with an individual as you never know really because you can not meet them or know them. but the facility test the donors dna/eggs for genetic defects/ and desease and they try to match you as close as possible looks wise. I paid slightly more (which I ofered) for "better" eggs and a better looking donor. still it is a hugh financial difference. say 15k in america for donor vs. 3k here.

I am going with it. If I only get 1 child I will get PG again asap with a choosen donor as it is only about 5k, but, it must be an anynamous ...the donor unless it is a family member.

Wantsbaby2... it is perfectly understandable that you are confused and upset right now.. just take the time that you need to sort things out in your head. There are great cases for both donor egg and adoption...

I know with adoption you aren't the biological parents.. but you are also doing a wonderful service to a child that desp. needs a loving family. I know this seems shallow... and doesn't help because she is famous.. but look how bloody cute those two babies are of Angelina Jolie's.... very cute...

Christie.. how interesting that things are so much less expensive in the Czech Republic.. if only we had known! My husband is Czech and we still have family living in Prague.. we could have maybe gone for a baby vacation!

We were supposed to be in Praue this christmas to visit babicka.. but I was afraid of the flight.. being early in my 2nd trimester.. I guess I would have been ok.. but I got freaked out. So we might be flying earlier in the late winter/early spring.. or maybe next Christmas.. we should stay in touch and get together in Praha!

Christie,
Do you live in the Czech Republic? Or you just went there for donor eggs? Where are you from? Just being curious I guess. Interesting how much cheaper it is there..hmmmm something to consider.

Thanks to you too Baby4us. It is true about Angelina's kids..they are unbelievable cute. She is very lucky.

wantsbaby2,
I'm truly sorry! I can feel your emptiness. God doesn't hate you, maybe his plan is for you to adopt a baby overseas that needs a good mommy and daddy like yourselves.

Do you and your hubby have time to go on a vacation? When I was depressed and sad my husband and I would drop everything and go someplace tropical or just get away some place. It gets your mind off of the whole fertility crap. It helped out a lot!

I have a couple friends that adopted and once they adopted, they had no stress about the fertility stuff and boom they got pregnant. So you never know once you get your mind off of the fertility crap it could happen to you.

I wish you the best of luck! But I say take some time off, let your body and mind relax!

Cindy

Laura,

I have sent three messages to you but I do not see them posted to the board. Did you get the messages?

Laura,

I have posted three replys to you and yet to see them actually posted.

Laura,

I have posted three reply(s) to you and still I do not see any of my posts/ replys to you on theis board

Wantsbaby2- I think that what you are going through is normal grieving over the loss of not being able to have your own baby. When I first found out I asked every female in my family if they would donate because the baby had to be a genetic link to me. No doors opened up for me going that way so I started researching donor sites. All I know is that when I got my pg test back and it was positive I didnt give it a second thought that it was someones elses egg. It was in my uterus and I was giving it life. I hope your journey gets easier for you. It sucks that you have to go through this and I hope you find your answer. I think of you often.

PS. It took me almost a year before I could us a donor without feeling angry about it. Be gentle with yourself.

I hate infertility

WantsBaby2,

Do you get any of my posts?

Hi Christie,
Do you mean the replys on this thread? I believe I did get them all...did you see the questions I posted to you on this thread? I hope so! I hope things are going well for you!n Keep us posted on your situation.

Thanks Fortyfour,
I appreciate your posts. I believe time will heal a lot of my anger and bitterness. It helps to know that others in the same situation have felt that same way. It does suck!

DH and I are going to start looking into adoption after the holidays. I just don't think donor egg is the way to go for us. Donor egg is a beautiful way to have a child and I wish I had the energy to try it....but I can't take anymore disappointment. The thought of walking into my fertility clinic again gives me a panic attack. I would worry about the eggs not fertilizing.....not implanting...and of course m/c. And with my husband's sperm being in such bad shape....we don't know if the eggs would even fertilize.... even with ICSI.

I will keep everyone posted! Have a good Holiday everyone!

Laura

Wantsbaby2 - it was nice to hear from you. Good luck with the adoption. Follow your heart and you will be fine. Donor eggs are not for everyone and dont feel bad if you dont want to do that. If i had known I would be going through all this I would have adopted years ago and saved myself some heartache. I would probably also have a couple of kids by now. Take care and keep in touch with us on your journey. I hope your baby comes to you soon. Darcie