I am drinking a glass of wine.......
16 Replies
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I am totally sad! :'( :'( I am not pregnant. This was my third IVF..... and I have never been pregnant. I am writing this and barely seeing the keyboard due to all the tears. :'( The RN does not know why it didn't work... the eggs were top quality, etc. I didn't talk to her, but my husband did and it was very awkward because he was out on the boat with someone that he did not want to know what we were doing.....I feel sorry for the RNs that have to make those calls. I just don't understand.... I cannot tell you how many of my friends and friends of friends that have done invitro and it works. And I am talking with poor quality eggs. I still have the two frozen that are not as good and even though I do not want to do it again because I really do not think it will work.... I feel like I have too. At this point.... why would I think it would work? It is only another $1700 which pays for the meds...... after $30,000 what is $1700? Of course you have to wait for a cycle blah blah blah. I cannot do it this summer. I need a break. My husband is calling the doctor next week to get a heads up. Part of me just thinks it is not in the cards. My husband did mention adoption which he has always been against. So that was uplifting. We are going to Hawaii for 2 weeks this summer, so I guess I'll do the frozen when we get back sometime mid-July. I hate to sound like a downer, but it is a bit hard to be positive at this moment! Does anyone know the stats on frozen eggs or had success? I just hate to go through it again and get a negative. OH! This morning after I took the blood test ----- which the office is depressing, etc. The nurse pratically cut off all circulation when she was taking my blood. I had to pay and I get the nice little statement....."You have an outstanding bill of $600.00" As I was searching for my credit card, she asked me...."Are you nervous?" And I replied, "No.... I just don''t want anymore surprise bills." I know that it is lame to think about the cost, but I can't help it since it didn't work. My husband just got his boat on Wednesday, so tomorrow we are going out on the beautiful Intrecoastal with the dog and hit some restaurants and bars and enjoy the new boat. We have been living in Florida 8 years and less than 1/2 mile from the Intrecoastal and finally we can enjoy boating. He was really depressed...... so I told him at least you did get the boat. :'( Sorry to be so negative!!! It will take time (it always does) and I will get back to normal and wear my coat of armour to help through each day of this bs infertility. I am soooooooo sick of it!
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Sending a big hug your way!!!! I think it is ok to be negative and grieve over your non-pregannacy - you need to do that before you can think positive again - i think it is natural. The break will be good and you and DH can revisit the next cycle quesation later.
Try to have a good weekend and do enjoy your wine!
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I know 2 people who have gotten pg with frozen eggs. They really have to feel like it is worth it to freeze the eggs. I donated for my sister and have two children, I was SO disappointed to find out that there were no eggs that made it to freeze. The Dr. assured me that this is not rare, that often times there are none to freeze, so yours must have lots of potential to be frozen.
I am sure the $$ would be well worth to try again . At least for your sanity. That forever question of what if? really has a habit of consuming your thoughts!!
I will keep you in my prayers!
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Lindsey,
Oh I am soooo sorry sweetie. I am crying tears for you. I was so sure this was it for you. You absolutely are sooo entitled to feel as bad and negative as you want to. What a kicker. Infertility is so unbelievably unfair!!!! Get angry all you want to......kick and scream if you need to! I feel so bad for you Lindsey. Know you will be in my thoughts.
Try to have some fun on the boat this weekend. Go to the bars and vent and let off some steam. Come back here and vent all you need to. We will be here for you.
Wantsbaby2
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Lindsey... I'm so sorry!!!! Maybe your doctor can figure out why the embryos aren't implanting. they are doing an endometrial biopsy on me to make sure my uterine lining is set for implantation. You might want to ask your doctor to do one. here is a website that explains what it is.
http://www.ivfbaby.com
/lab_dias_test.htm
I
lived in Daytona Beach for about a year, so i know the intracoastal. where in FL are you? enjoy the boat and try to find your good spirits. time heals and we somehow get through it.
many hugs to you!!!!!
trish
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Lindsey, I am so sorry for you. Yes, definately take some time off and take care of yourself. I'm glad your dh is there to comfort you. Enjoy your time together. Ugh, infertilitity is heartbreaking.
Drinking wine sounds like a relaxer for you.Enjoy the boat and bars ect. this summer. We will be here when you get back.To me, there has to be a lot of success with frozen otherwise why would they freeze? Hugs your way. Again, so sorry about the devastating news...cassandra
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Just wanted to say sorry again. When I replied to the other message I had not read this one. (((((((HUGS))))))) I hope you enjoy your trip.
Justme
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Oh Lindsay I about cried when I read your post. Please don't give up I did the same thing and took two years off and now next Wednesday am doing a frozen cycle. I needed a break to relieve stress and go through my depression. It is so hard and depressing. Take a break and try agian don't give up. A little time to think things out really helps those hormones screw you up so much. I was so upset and moody I about lost my mind. If it's going to happen it will but be smart about how you do it. I really don't mean to lecture you but you are the only one that really has touched me. I will think you and wish you the best. Paige
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Lindsey, I do not think you are being negative. You are just reacting to a very sad and frustrating situation. Reacting to something you cannot control and then have to try and make sense of it. I think about what i will do my child yearnings if this doesnt work also. I think you should try again if you have the eggs to do it. I know what you mean about the money. We were trying to save a couple thousand on a out of state donor and then it became so complicated. I finally said, screw it what is a few thousand in the mix of it. I need less stress through this. There is nothing we can say to make you feel better, only time will do that. Just take care of yourself and enjoy life the best you can. Cry, scream, laugh as needed and keep in touch with us. I cried when I read your post because we are both in the same age boat together. Take care.
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Lindsay,
How are you doing? Did you have a nice weekend on the boat? I hope so. I'm just checking in to make sure you are ok. I am thinking of you girl.
Wantsbaby2
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Hello! I am seriously looking into international adoptions, probably Russia. All this will not be until I renovate my kitchen and bathrooms! We depleted our savings for the invitros and that money was suppose to go to the remodeling. Each day I seem to get stronger. I am definitely not going back to that office EVER or using the ice babies. I just feel there is something else wrong and the doctor could care less. Before the donor, it was the old eggs and after 21 year old eggs.... he never called or anything. The nurse says that you have to make an appointment for another consultation and for what? both my husband and I feel misled by him and the office. Anyway...... I do know of two couples that did go to Russia and adopt. I plan on talking to them and going from there.
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Cool, let us know how the process goes. I have always been interested in adopting from Russia. Take care.
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lyndsey - that is wonderful news. You are a mother, and little Russian babies/children are so precious. Keep us posted.
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I've been so touched reading this string of posts. I am just starting down the road of trying to get pg with IUI and I"m also thinking about adoption. This month, with all the meds and the mood swings, its been exhausting and it's just the first month of trying with assistance! I go for my first IUI attempts Sunday and Monday. I'm seriously thinking that if it doesn't work DH and I can look to adopt. I've been reading about all the incredible little babies in the world that don't have a home to get lots of snuggles and love. It makes me cry everytime I think about it! I have 2 beautiful adoption dogs and I love them like crazy, I can't imagine how much love I would feel about a sweet little adopted baby human! I don't know, I guess I'm just emotional and rambling!
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welcome bethann.... it is a tough journey to be sure, but the ladies here all help us keep things in perspective.
hang in there.... good luck on your iui....
sending baby dust your way...
trish
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Hey Lindsay, I was so sad to hear about your disappointing news. My heart broke for you. I hope you had a great weekend on the boat. I was wondering where you lived in FL as that is where I am. and I was wondering what RE group you used. I understand if you're completely done, but I know of a lady (friend of a friend) who got mis diagnosed by one RE and a different one in the same group found her problem and she ended up with a pg. (so the story goes) I fortunately used the same one she used by coincidence, we were lucky and blessed. She was the only woman in the group and I can't help but think she may have been a little more concerned or whatever. Anyway, if you want their # (unless that's who you used of course) let me know. Much love and good luck with the adoption.
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Thank you so much. I'm thrilled to have found you. I was feeling really down in a weird way last night but I feel better this morning. My moods are swinging! whew.
I'm so excited to keep up with everyone!
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