friend pregnant
22 Replies
barrenwomb - August 20

Hey all,
I am new to this site. My husband suggested it because I am having such a hard time with infertity. I read through some of the e-mails and was amazed at the support system. Finally, someone who knows how I feel. Today at work one of my corwkers informed me that she is pregnant. Yesterday she was not feeling ill at all and magically today she was really queasy as soon as she found out she was prego. She and I had m/c about 4 months apart. She tried for 4 months after hers and got prego while I am 9 months out with out anything. Almost everyone I know is prego or just had a baby. In fact one of my best friends and I were four days apart on our due dates and I m/c'ed 10 1/2 weeks in. So I had to see every stage of my pregnancy through her. I even had to go to her shower the weekend of mother's day and find out about another friends pregnancy. To make matters worse this friend that was prego at the same time delivered her baby on what was going to be my due date. I thought I was going to die from the pain. I even went to the hospitalto see her and the baby. Some days I feel like my heart is going to fall out of my chest. My husband and I are in the beginning stages of the adoption process and hope we get one soon. Sorry I rambled on so long I am just so happy to find some support. Good luck to all and I hope babies are coming our way.

 

cassandra - August 20

Barrenwomb, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. M/C is extremely difficult. To have to see your friends go on with their own pg has got to be heartbreaking. I just want to welcome you to this site. The women here are very friendly, open and honest. You are not alone in this journey.
Having friends pg, going to showers ect. is something I think we all have experienced in one way or another. Would you feel comfortable giving a brief history? You can add it to your signature. There are so many factors to infertility and treatments. It can be overwhelming. Talking about it is very beneficial though. Anyways, welcome to the site and please come and vent anytime. cassandra

 

Fortyfour - August 22

I am sorry for your pain and frustration. I worked with a lady who's due date was 2 days before mine and I m/c at 10 weeks. It was really hard to see her and know that that is what i would have looked like had I not lost my baby. You were very strong to go the hospital. I do not know if I could have done that.

Take care and baby dust to you.

 

barrenwomb - August 22

Thanks so much for your responses. I am having a really hard day today. I have to go to work tomorrow with that friend who is prego and I am not sure if I can face it. I just feel like it is never going to happen to me. There is no reason why my husband and I shouldn't be able to conceive, we just haven't been able to. It is going to be so hard to act excited for her and to listen to her stories of morning sickness. Also, I have a family reunion coming up on my husband's side and I have to face his prego sister. They weren't even trying when they got pregnant. Oh well, I always survive some how and I'll have to survive this. It is not like I wish infertility on anyone, I just want to be in their happy little prego circle. Thanks guys.

 

Fortyfour - August 23

Barrenwomb - Your feelings are never wrong. You have a right to be angry, depressed and frustrated. I also gave up being happy for others. It was too hard to pretend. When people would come up to me and go on and on about their pregnancy I would look disinterested and they would stop and I would go talk to someone else. I hope your little bundle comes to you.

 

Heidi31 - August 24

Barronwomb

It's not easy facing the realities of a m/c. I am a professional after 9m/cs and 2 ectopics in 5 years i feel like i live in post traumatic stress world. There is so much hope to hold onto though. Even though sometimes it seems like hope is our enemy because it always seems to let us down, Keep your chin up your shoulders back brush that dirt off and keep trying. ;)

 

barrenwomb - August 25

heidi,
I am so sorry for what you have had to endure over the past five years. It's so amazing what we can survive. Everyone around me is pregnant or just had a baby and it is so hard to get together with them and have that be the topic of conversation. I was actually hanging out with three friends and that is what monopolized the conversation the whole night. I felt horrible. But how do you escape it? You can't. You just have to be strong enough to deal with it. Thank you so much for your reply and good luck to you. Infertility is a horrible thing to have to face.

 

Heidi31 - August 25

Thanks for your support It's nice to know I don't have to go insane about this alone ;).

 

nikki millward - September 14

Hello everyone, I am new to this site but not new to infertility. My DH and I have been TTC for over 3 years.
We have done 4 IUIs with clomid and 3 IVFs/ICSI-all neg.
Let me tell you there is nothing more difficult than what we are going through! I have 2 sister-in-laws who have both become pregnant twice in the time I have been TTC. Not to mention 3 cousins and 2 co-worker,one who did IVF and it worked the first time. As I write it I can't believe I'm still going! I've cried so many tears and have felt so depressed, but I still have hope that my time will come! I am just starting my 4th cycle but we are doing ZIFT/ICSI this time and I feel like this could be the one! I don't think I could bear another negative. I have started thinking very positive and trying very hard not to be jealous but to be happy for all the pregnant women around me. I also use to avoid babies and pregnant women but now I try to kiss and love my nieces and nephews as much as possible. Maybe this positive attitude will be my saving grace this time!! I also pray a lot-for myself as well as those who are pregnant around me. Thanks for reading-Let's continue to pray for each other! God be with you all on this journey of faith. nikki :) :)

 

Fortyfour - September 14

Good luck with your ivf. When are you doing It?

 

baby4us - September 15

It is so tough to have friends pregnant... I am sure most of you are keeping your TTC and fertility treatments quiet from friends and family (or at least telling a select few)... so there is nothing worse than people asking.. "So.. when are you going to have a baby??"

You just feel like screaming.. "I Can't, you insenstive heartless.... B@@@@!!!"

I have two close friends right now who are pregnant... in fact one is probably giving birth as we speak... and it is going to be so tough to go see the baby and to be happy for her... So I'll have to put on my best game face..


Good luck to everyone.. be strong!

 

Shannon - September 15

Barrenwomb-

I know just how you feel. My friends are all having babies and I had to attend a babyshower this past weekend. While sitting at the table, one of the ladies asked me when was it going to be my turn to have a baby shower? I wanted to reach across and strangle her, but I know it's not her fault-she doesn't know.

Although I do have a few friends who do know and one of them seems to be very insensitive. Is it just me or do the ones with babies not understand how difficult this is? After each failed month, she says, "Oh, well it will happen soon." How does she know that? and how can she trivialize it to sound like no big deal? She talks about her newborn with me and tells me all about her day with her. Then if we are hanging out together, she does the babytalk nonstop in front of me. Am I just being too insensitive? I just feel like she knows what I am going through and she could be a little less "baby dramatic" around me. I don't know, I am probably hypersensitive to all of this- I'm sure she doesn't mean to make me feel horrible inside.

 

WantsBaby2 - September 15

Shannon & Baby4us,
It's one of the most difficult things to endure when a good friend is pregnant. I went through that last year. One of my friends had identical girl twins! This particular friend is really sensitive to what I am going through. So it's really easy to be happy for her.

I had another friend who was pregnant who knew exactly step by step what we were going through. I went through every phase of her pregnancy with her from the moment she called me at 6:00 one morning to tell me she peed on a stick and she was pregnant! It was really difficult to be happy for her even though I tried really hard.

It just seemed like she would twist that knife every chance she got. ??? Everything was just hunky dorie in her life and she made sure everyone knew it, including me. Well... needless to say we are not friends anymore...long story. It's for the best.

Your true friends really surface when going though infertility. You can find out a lot about a person through how they treat you and adjust to your needs as a friend when you are feeling so down in the dumps about your infertility. True friends WILL be sensitive. :)

Wantsbaby2

 

pj - September 16

i have had so many friends get pregnant lately that i told my dh that i'm not going to lunch with anyone anymore.

it seemed like out of the blue i would get a call from a friend i hadn't heard from in a while. they'd invite me over for lunch. (never out to lunch, just over to their house.) we'd start out having a nice normal lunch and then i'd get a wierd vibe off of them. next thing you know, they're telling me they're pregnant.

granted, just about everyone i know has been told that we're going through treatments so it was nice of my friends to know that it might be awkward for me to find out that they were pregnant. but i seriously think there's a better way to do it.

i had one friend that sent out an e-mail announcement. at the beginning of mine he said he had really hoped i'd be sharing news like this before they were. (nice touch i thought.) the e-mail was definitely the better way to tell me. then i could react however i wanted at the time. (no stone-faced smiles.) and i could e-mail back when i finally got to the place where i was truly happy for them.

now the aggravating thing is having all these pregnant friends tell me how i just have to get pregnant this time and it'd be so great because then "we can be pregnant together." or "we can share maternity clothes." eeeeekkk!!! i've started responding with something like, "you're right. i'd be great if i got pregnant." (i put a definite period in my voice after that.) they seem to all smile and know that they've over-stepped. they apologize. what else can they do?

sorry for the long-winded rant. apparently, i needed to get something off my chest. :-)

 

baby4us - September 16

It is tough... and for anyone who has not been through what we are all going through... it is really difficult to imagine.. esp. when someone is blissfully pregnant.. they want to tell the world.. it is hard for them to comprehend that they may be hurting you.

All you can do is keep telling yourself that it isn't a race... and it will happen to you .. you just might need to go through a few trials and tribulations before you get a BFP!!! which you will... and which I hope I do in 2 weeks!!!!

 

silli_kitti - September 16

I usually refrain from posting on threads like this, since I really have no good advice about how to handle situations like pregnant friends and new moms, and I tend to be a downer by injecting my own misery into the conversation.

So let me just say, I feel your pain, I really do.

 

nikki30 - September 16

I love this site! I have never posted a message before I found this site. I have read a million different messages and cried when I read them because it was so great to know others knew how I felt. My sister-in-law,who is on her 2nd pregnancy in the 3 plus years I have been trying is having morning sickness now. I feel terrible for her because she has a 1 year old, but at the same time I am soooo jealous! I would give ANYTHING to be barfing my guts out due to a pregnancy!!! How sick does that sound! LOL!!!! I will be starting my lupron on Oct. 4th and I cannot wait to start poking myself with needles again. No one but you all can understand my desire to barf and poke myself with needles! Everyone in my family(moms,dads,aunts,uncles,cousins and a lot of people at church)knows about our infertility treatments. We kept it quiet the first few times,but I just thought the more people praying for us the better!!!
I'm really trying not to be jealous but it's very hard.
As for baby showers-I never go. I don't care if people think I'm rude,which no one has ever said,because I just really need to take care of myself at this difficult time. My church is really into pregnancy announcements. My father-in-law is the pastor and last Sunday he announced that my sister-in-law is expecting again,I started to crt right in the church(I also had PMS:()And my grandfather-in-law said while my prego sister-in-law and I were walking into church"blessed is the woman with child" I said "then what about the woman without child???I'm not blessed?" Then he says"OH it will happen for you" I'm telling you if one more person says that to me I am going to SCREAMMMMM!!
thanks for letting me vent! sorry I went on so long!

 

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