feeling really discouraged
6 Replies
carinamarie - May 29

I have been TTC for 20 months or so. I know that it is not a long time compared to other people. I am 31 and was on bc pills for 12 years straight before TTC. So far we've had sperm analyses, hsg, laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, lots of bloodwork and they've found NOTHING WRONG!

We've had 3 clomid with IUI cycles and are now on our 4th IUI -- this time with injectibles.

Here's the thing. I'm just really discouraged at this point. Every month my RE tells me to be positive but I'm just so frustrated with this. I'm surrounded by children (I work with them) and every workday at least one parent asks me when I'm going to have a child. Of course, I can't tell my patients that I've been TTC for awhile already. My husband is devastated and it's so hard for us to talk about it at this point, since we both just want to cry. On top of everything, I'm taking progesterone suppositories and I"m SO moody -- I cry at the drop of a hat.

Finally, I have three siblings, one other sister, who is also having IF issues. My parents have made a big deal about how hard this is for her and how we should all be supporting her. They've paid for all of her treatment. I'm so frustrated with this, as we've been TTC for exactly the same amount of time, we've even done the same amount of IUIs. Whenver I talk to my brothers about how I'm having a hard time being there for her, they tell me that I'm being really selfish -- they have found things wrong with both her and her husband so my family feels like my husband and my infertility is not such a big deal. So, on top of being flat broke after all these IUI (insurance covers nothing) my family is not willing to be there for me and my husband is so depressed it's hard for him to there, too.

I guess I'm just really overwhelmed and discouraged and being constantly surrounded by young children isn't helping. Do other people feel this way? How did you get through it? When did you decide to chuck it and move forward with other treatments? How did you pay for IVF? My husband and I just took out a loan just in case -- we'll be paying it off forever.

I'd love any suggestions....

 

baby4us - May 30

Oh Carinamarie... what an awful story.. my heart goes out to you... but we all know how frustrated you feel so can relate to your story to some degree.

I can appreciate the added frustration that you cannot find "anything" wrong.. which makes your fertility issues that much more challenging.

I am wondering.. what if you took a break/regrouped. I know this is difficult when you are surrounded by babies and you feel like your clock is ticking.. but sometimes your body needs a break from meds/stress or treatment, etc.

Another suggestion is perhaps to investigate another fertility clinic. Not that you want to try something new.. or go through tests again.. but sometimes a different perspective might bring unexpected resuts.

I am also wondering if it might be a good idea for you to explore another treatment or clinic before you go to IVF. Obviously your chances are greater with IVF.. but as you know.. the costs are quite high.. and as of right now if you have unexplained fertility issues.. it just might be worth getting a 2nd opinion.

The other thing I would suggest -- which is obviously more difficult to do.. but stay away from negative people. I know you can't avoid coworkers, etc askign when you'll have a baby (NONE of your BUSINESS!!!!) But maybe avoid your sister/family for a bit. Is there anyway that you and DH can get away for a bit.. just the two of you to get away from all the stress??? (again..easier said than done!)

But I had completely secluded myself when we were in the thick of treatments.. I just couldn't take people's insensitive comments etc. So even though I was a bit of a recluse.. and probably lost a few "friends" along the way.. I just couldn't handle the extra stress of prying people, etc.

I hope my long ramble has helped a bit... let us know what you decide to do....

 

liz - May 30

Carinamarie,
I am so sorry to hear your story. You are having a tough time and need all the support you can get. This site is a wonderful place to get support from others who have gone though the same rough times. It has also helped me to see the problems that other couples have, it helps me to know that there is not something wrong with me alone. There are many women who go through this too. I know this still dosen't make your reality any easier.
I must say I agree with baby4us about a second opinion. I am a very persistant person myself and when the doctors where not finding anything wrong with me I called everyday until I finally got someones attention. I drove them crazy, but I wanted answers. I was going to find another doctors office I was so frustrated, but then it all turned around for me. As baby4us said and I could not agree more another perspective might be a good idea.
I am sorry to hear about you family. Family can sometimes be the one of the toughest parts and this all. Often times they are not as supportive or understanding as they want them to be. I know with my family they just don't understand, they can't seem to understand why I can't just let it happen naturally without all the help of my if clinic. I don't feel anyone can ever understand how you feel unless they too have gone though this. Hang in there and try hard to be patient with them, they just don't understand how you feel. Maybe a small break from them would be helpful for you and your dh. I try very hard to tell myself that I have to do what is best for me and my dh. I love my family dearly, but yes sometimes I need a break from them when it comes to my if issues.
I can appreciate your concern over the money issues. I know that at my if clinic they offer financing for treatments. A friend of mine had to go this route. I find that when you want a child as bad as we all do you will do anything to make it work. You must have faith that everything will work out. Please don't take me as not caring about money, trust me that is an issue for my dh and I as well. With all the other stress of tyring to get preg you have to let some of it go and for me the money aspect is what I try very hard not to worry about. I know in the end we will make it and so will you!
Your feelings are completly understandable and no you are definatly not alone.
Sorry to have rambled on. I read you post and felt the need to let you know you are not alone and you can find a great deal of support here at shared journey.
Take care and let us know how you are making out.

 

carinamarie - May 31

Thank you guys. I just needed to get all of that off my chest and I"m feeling a little more hopeful now. I love my RE -- I've always felt like she's there for me -- she's the only doctor I've ever had who calls me the same day (at home, work, AND on my cell phone) if I have a question. You guys may be right, though, a second opinion may be helpful.

My DH and I took a break last month -- mostly because I just wasn't emotionally ready for the shots. We will probably take a month or so off before IVF so I can get my work situated to take some time off.

I'm really grateful for your replies -- I needed them. Thank you.

 

baby4us - June 1

Hi Carinamarie... it is good to get things off your chest.. glad we could help!

It is also good to hear that you have a great relationship with your RE... you could also maybe have a heart to heart with her... one of the things I would ask her.. I know that Clomid used to be the drug of choice... but not really so anymore (althoguh it all depends on the individual...so I don't mean to make a blanket statement)

But just wondering if maybe some rounds of IUI with Gonal F or soemthing might be worth trying. Just wnat to make sure you cover all yoru bases before IVF.. Good luck!!

 

liz - June 1

Baby4us,

I saw from your profile you are due on June 6th. I hope all is well. I wanted to wish you the best of luck.

Liz

 

liz - June 1

Carinamaria,

I am so glad to hear you are feeling better. Somtimes just getting it off your chest can do wonders.

Keep us posted on how you are doing!
Liz

 

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