Failed IVF - Egg donor next? New and looking for support
18 Replies
lrusso - February 2

I am a 43 yr old woman and we have spent the last year doing IUI and just went through our first IVF. We got 5 eggs, but none fertilized properly. My Dr. thinks that egg donor is the way to go. If any of you have gone through something similar, I'd love to know your thoughts. I am a bundle of emotions and can't think straight. Thanks.

 

wannabemommy - February 23

Irusso,
I am 35 years old and have done 1 Fresh and 2 frozen IVF's using donor eggs with all being BFN's. I am now working with a different fertility dr. and will be doing another frozen IVF using the remaining embryos towards the end of March. I do not produce enough eggs for us to use my own so that is why we are using DE. My new dr. found endometriosis and he removed it and he thinks that our chances now are better than ever in ttc through IVF and DE. We are just fine with using DE and never even gave it a second thought when we were told we would have to use them to ttc. We feel it is a blessing no matter how we conceive. If our frozen embryos do not make it through the thawing, we will have to be put on the dr. DE list and there is a 6 month waiting list for DE, UGH. I know that our dr. does not allow any donor to be over the age of 30 because of the numbers of eggs retreived decrease with this age and older. I know that the baby will not have my genes but they will carry my dh and I am the one carrying the baby for nine months and it is breathing from me and getting its nutrients from me as well, I think that is awesome! Well I hope that this helps you in some way, and I am more than happy to talk to anyone about this.

Wishing you luck in your future!

 

carriek - February 24

Irusso,

I don't know if it is part of your 'bundle of emotions', but some couples do have issues with the baby "only belonging to one of us," and decide to use both donor sperm & donor eggs or donor embryos.
My RE does not anticipate any problems with my eggs (I'm 31) and so my DH and I have decided that after our ART procedure is successful, we will donate the embryos we were unable to use. We believe this is an amazing gift to give- to both the loving parents and the little ones waiting to be born.
Stay positive, don't beat yourself up. We are all just taking a different path than most to get to the same end result- Babies!!

Carrie

 

BekyVice - March 11

I'm 43 as well, and went through IUIs last year (when I was 42) and two failed IVFs. We are now happily on to a donor egg cycle. Don't let the "failure" get you down. It's not a failure, it's just a fact. Much like when a 50-year-old man wakes up one morning and says "Hey, I never ran a race before, but next month I want to break the world record for the mile!" It just can't be done. 20 years ago he might have had a great chance, but NOW he can't. He's too old. He's not a failure! At 43 (you'll hear "advance maternal age" and want to puke because everyone around you thinks you're still 30 and you have the body of a 23-year-old!), 90% of your eggs are chromosonally fried. That's just the long and the short of it. And it gets worse by the month. 15-20 years ago, probably only 5-10% were fried. So, we need to accept the scientific fact that at this age, our eggs are rapidly decreasing our fertility chances, and start looking to the future at either donor eggs or adoption, if you still want a child. Being a "black and white" type of person, this fact doesn't sadden me, it arms with with plans for "what to do next." I hope this helps you, too. At least with donor eggs you don't have to tiptoe so much through each hurdle as you do with the volatility of your own eggs. And, you can be as old as in your 50's to actually have a natural child birth! And nobody had to know it's from a donor! Chin up! :)

 

Amanda26 - April 9

Hello! I am new to this forum. I've been dealing with infertility for the past 3 years. I was 31 years old when I found out I have infertility. I was at one Dr. and he diagnosed me with endo. I did 3 IUIs with no success. They resulted with both of my tubes being removed due to ectopic pregnancies. IVF was the next stage and I did one fresh and one frozen with him. Both were also unsuccessful...they embryos did not implant. I changed Dr. last year and did a fresh transfer in 12/06 which came out with a positive result at first, but then I started to miscarry within the same week of the result. I just did my second fresh transfer and my 2 weeks is up tomorrow. I go in for the blood test tomorrow morning. I started spotting yesteday and today and decided to do a prenancy test. It came out negative. I guess I'll still go in tomorrow but I am already devastated. My husband keeps saying to "hang in there kiddo" but it's just too hard. We both don't have any children and have been "dealing" with this for some time now. There's a pregnant coworker and it'll be very hard for me to see. I don't know what else to do. I'm just so sick and tired of this.

 

destinybaby - April 9

Hi Amanda,

I just want to say hang in there. Going through this journey of infertility is just not easy. You will find a lot of support on this forum. I also undersand about others being pregnant all the time around you, my brother's wife, pregnant 2nd child, girlfriend, pregnant 3rd child, who is not pregnant have one or more kids, I am the ONLY one of my friends and in my family who does not have a child. I get so depressed sometimes, but I do have faith that it WILL happen for me.

I just had my tubes removed and will be doing IVF sometime in June. I must say I am nervous but excited. I have i think one of the best RE's in NYC and he is very positve that it will happen.

Hey, you are not alone, we are here for you. It WILL happen for you soon. Keep the faith.

Did you check our the male factor. I did just to make sure.

Hugs
Tia

 

Amanda26 - April 9

Thanks Tia. Your words of encourgagement and being on this forum has helped me with my depressions as well. I know it will happen for us one day, just the journey that suxs! The last Dr. checked my husband's sperm and said everything was working on his end. The dr said to not worry about the spotting since they put 4 embryos back in that maybe some did implant and some didn't. I'll have to wait tomorrow for the results.
Amanda

 

destinybaby - April 9

Hi Amanda,

I wish you great news :D tomorrow. Wow they put back 4 that's a lot were they all the same grade?, some doctors will only put up to 3 back, but at least it give a better chance i think. Sometimes spotting is a good sign of implanting and PG. You will be just fine. Keep me posted.

Supernatural Baby Dust!
Tia


 

Amanda26 - April 9

Hi Tia-

This new dr. did 4 because of my past with endo and previous cycles that were unsuccessful. This cycle I had 21 follicles, of those 18 eggs retrieved, 12 fertilzed, and the 4 made it to blast. She doesn't bother freezing the others since they are not that strong. She thinks it gives the couple false hope. I am also the only one in my family to not have kids. I know his parents and my mom have been waiting anxiously each month. My pregnant coworker just told me they are expecting a girl. She and her husband are somewhat disappointed b/c they had their heart set on a boy. All I could think was how lucky she is and doesn't even know it. And she knows about my infertility. I don't think she meant it in a bad way, it's hard to deal with the preggers around you.

 

Amanda26 - April 10

Hi Tia- Unfortunately it's BFN. I just posted another one to the dr about what to do next. Thanks for all your support.

[quote author=destinybaby link=board=12;threadid=3695;start=0#34676 date=1176131784]
Hi Amanda,

I wish you great news :D tomorrow. Wow they put back 4 that's a lot were they all the same grade?, some doctors will only put up to 3 back, but at least it give a better chance i think. Sometimes spotting is a good sign of implanting and PG. You will be just fine. Keep me posted.

Supernatural Baby Dust!
Tia



[/quote]

 

wantsbabytoo - April 10

Hi Amanda,
It's been awhile since I have posted on this forum. I know what you are going through. I have been in treatments over 3 yrs. We took a year off after finding out that my own eggs were too old. We have switched docs and I am on the list for finding an anonymous donor. I thought since we were not using my own eggs that the process would be easier.... so far, not so much.

I found out through my new doctor that my old doctor removed part of my right ovary during a fibroid removal surgery and never told me. According to my new doctor, this can cause a blocked tube which can cause a backup into the uterus and affect implantation.

He wants me to do another HSG, but 2 doctors have tried and can't get the info they need for the test. I am an unbelievably difficult case for HSG because my uterus is tilted and they can't get to the tubes. My last doctor did it while I was under anesthia for my laporoscopy because he couldn't get to the tubes either.

I also just tested positive for MTHFR last week. (My old doc never thought to test me for that.) I don't even know much about it. I am waiting for a call from my nurse today and I have a list of questions for her. Add a few more problems to the mix and I am pretty depressed lately.

I have many friends that are pg right now with their second and third babies. They were pg with their first babies when I was going through the beginning stages of infertility treatments. They are all happily raising their children while preparing for more. :-\

One girl in my church is devastated because she just had her second little boy and wanted a girl soooo bad. All I heard were complaints through her entire pregnancy. She says the next 20 years of her life are ruined because she has to raise "stinkin' boys!!!!!" (SOOOOO INSENSITIVE) She knows what I am going through too! People just don't realize how blessed they are. You can bet I am staying as far away from her as I can!

So you are not alone you see. I am beginning to wonder if it's ever going to happen for me. They just keep finding more and more things wrong with me. I guess we just need to hang in there... as difficult as it is.

I don't know if I have helped much. I understand your frustration. Nothing seems to be going right for rme either after all these years. There are many days when I feel I don't have the strength to do this anymore. Every trip to the doctor is more bad news. I still cry everyday. The thought of never having a family of my own is what keeps me going. Thanks for listening to me vent.

(((((HUGS)))))
Laura

 

wantsbabytoo - April 10

Hi Amanda,
After I posted, I saw your BFN.... sooo sorry. Life just isn't fair.

(((((((MORE HUGS)))))))
Laura

 

destinybaby - April 10

Hi Amanda,

I am soo sorry that you did not get a positive. :(. I truly believe that you will get that BFP someday soon. Just hang in there sweetie.

HUG
Tia

 

Amanda26 - April 10

Thanks Tia for all your support and just being there. I truly believe it will happen one day.
Amanda

 

Amanda26 - April 10

no problem Laura. I don't mind listening (reading) this forum. Actually, it's been the best support I've got. I have some close friends who I've shared this with, but it's not the same when they don't really know how you feel and what you're going through much less understand it. I understand your frustrations also. It's tough to think that something you want so badly can be so difficult to get. I cry atleast once a week, and I've learned that it's OK to cry. I feel a lot better afterwards (atleast for the time being). For all of us going through this, I know we will be the best mommy anyone can ask for. Keep praying and one day we will all be blessed.

Amanda

 

smod - April 10

Hi, I read that you're from Chicago suburbs. Would you kindly tell me where you go for your IVFs? How do you like your RE? I'm in the process of going through 3rd IVF with DE possibly in late spring or early summer. If it fails, I'm going to seek for a 2nd opinion.

Baby Dust to you and Everyone!



r>




[quot
e
author=wantsbabytoo link=board=12;threadid=3695;start=0#34748 date=1176223003]
Hi Amanda,
It's been awhile since I have posted on this forum. I know what you are going through. I have been in treatments over 3 yrs. We took a year off after finding out that my own eggs were too old. We have switched docs and I am on the list for finding an anonymous donor. I thought since we were not using my own eggs that the process would be easier.... so far, not so much.

I found out through my new doctor that my old doctor removed part of my right ovary during a fibroid removal surgery and never told me. According to my new doctor, this can cause a blocked tube which can cause a backup into the uterus and affect implantation.

He wants me to do another HSG, but 2 doctors have tried and can't get the info they need for the test. I am an unbelievably difficult case for HSG because my uterus is tilted and they can't get to the tubes. My last doctor did it while I was under anesthia for my laporoscopy because he couldn't get to the tubes either.

I also just tested positive for MTHFR last week. (My old doc never thought to test me for that.) I don't even know much about it. I am waiting for a call from my nurse today and I have a list of questions for her. Add a few more problems to the mix and I am pretty depressed lately.

I have many friends that are pg right now with their second and third babies. They were pg with their first babies when I was going through the beginning stages of infertility treatments. They are all happily raising their children while preparing for more. :-\

One girl in my church is devastated because she just had her second little boy and wanted a girl soooo bad. All I heard were complaints through her entire pregnancy. She says the next 20 years of her life are ruined because she has to raise "stinkin' boys!!!!!" (SOOOOO INSENSITIVE) She knows what I am going through too! People just don't realize how blessed they are. You can bet I am staying as far away from her as I can!

So you are not alone you see. I am beginning to wonder if it's ever going to happen for me. They just keep finding more and more things wrong with me. I guess we just need to hang in there... as difficult as it is.

I don't know if I have helped much. I understand your frustration. Nothing seems to be going right for rme either after all these years. There are many days when I feel I don't have the strength to do this anymore. Every trip to the doctor is more bad news. I still cry everyday. The thought of never having a family of my own is what keeps me going. Thanks for listening to me vent.

(((((HUGS)))))
Laura
[/quote]

 

wantsbabytoo - April 10

Hi Smod,
Not at all! I was in treatment at Rush Copley in Aurora for all of my prior treatment. Hubby and I made the decision to travel to Denver to the Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine. They are considered the best fertility clinic in the nation. If we are gonna spend big bucks on a donor, I want to have the best clinic. They have a great reputation and the highest success rates for IVF in the country.

I have met a few women that have not had success with DE locally in Chicago. So they go there and have a lot of success. I am seeing Dr. Schoolcraft. We went out there in January and consulted with the doctor and had a bunch of tests done. 40% of their patients are from out of state. I am having additional tests and bloodwork done locally at Fertility Centers of Illinois. They just send the results to Denver.

I am sorry about your lack of success with DE. It would be nice if things could just happen the way we want them to. Who is your RE?

Laura

 

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