A little down today
6 Replies
mo - February 6

Well I'm pretty down down today. I miscarried on 12/26 and I think an orgasm may have caused it so i've been blaming myself majorly.

My girlfriend is about 5 months pregnant and she told me on sunday that i've been avoiding her...which i have, i'm happy 4 her but i'm struggling with the joy. I try to listen to the baby news but i'm having a tough time sharing w. her joy.

Another girlfriend is pregnant, she just told me yesterday. It'll be her 2nd, and she's about 3 years younger than i am!

She also told me a mutual friend who had fert issues is pregnant w. twins.

I feel like i'm falling behind. I never thought i'd feel like this, but i am. I'm deeply saddened. I wish my husband would just go and find someone else to have babies with. I feel completely worthless as a woman.

Today is a tough day.



 

lyly14 - February 6

Mo- I am so sorry to hear about your loss. How far along were you? I know exactly what are feeling and have been there myself. I have lost 3 pregnancies and it is never easy. My last one was at 11 weeks and I have not been pg since. Don't feel bad about not wanting to be around other people who are pregnant or hear good news from other people. I remember bursting into tears every time someone announce they were pg. Just be honest with your friend and let them know it is very difficult for you and you just need time. Allow yourself to grieve and don't worry about them. If they are your friend they will understand and it time the pain will lessen. As far as the orgasm, it probably did not cause your miscarriage. So many woman have had orgasms while pregnant and went on to have healthy babies. So your pregnancy loss, was more than likely due to other issues. Don't be so hard on yourself. There was probably nothing you could have done to save the pregnancy or cause it to end. In the mean time if you ever need to talk I will be more than happy to.

Lyly

 

mo - February 6

Thanks Lyly. It's very nice of you to lend a listening ear.

I never thought i'd be this emotional...I'm trying to hang in there.

I appreciate your kind words.

 

Marina - February 6

Hi Mo,
I remember I've seen your posts on "2ww",then I've read the rest of your post to refresh my memory.
I just want to say that I totaly understand what's going on with you,it is natural to feel this way and yes,unfortunately life is unfare,you can see that everywhere-people who desperatly want to have kids-they can't,some trash who doesn't-throw their newborns in a dampsters,I can go on and on,you know all that,BUT!It will be your turn,you have to stop blaiming yourself,girl,and pull yourself together,stop feeling sorry-it doesn't help.The thing I don't get,why you are blaiming yourself for blocked tubes!?How this could be your falt?I have blocked tubes and I never blaimed myself-we can't control this!It's not like you are smoking and can quit any time.Or neither I can't blame my husband for having sperm issues.We just do what we have to do and hope it'll happen to us one day.I know people who love you feel sorry for you,but It can't go on forever,they get tired from your depression and complaining(I'm talking about your DH),as much as he loves you,it's not fun to see your loved one unhappy all the time.And as for your pregnant friends-yes,it's very hard to pretend that you are sooo happy for them,but it will be time in your life ,when you finaly will be happy, you'll need them to share your joy,so don't let your emotions ruin your friendships,try to be strong.
Orgasm have nothing to do with m/c,the reason for that was totaly different,like one doctor said-it is hard to shake off a good embryo!So,again,don't blaime yourself!
Are you going to start a new IVF cycle?Remember ,we are here for you!

 

mo - February 6

Marina, you are so sweet. Thank you so much! What a dedicated person you are.

Well, i blame myself for my blocked tubes b'cos of this:
I got an STD the first time i had sex. the dude who gave it to me took the condom off while we were having sex. When i realized he had,i got mad and refused to continue. I did not know where to go to get treatment;and i had no health insurance. I knew i would not be able to pay for the lab tests so i dealt w. the symptoms.

Fast forward 1.5 years later, i find out about planned parenthood. i get tested, but the guy who i was dating does not get treatment. So i essentially get the STD again, and i give it to my current hubby who then gets treatment.

So all in all, i could have prevented all this from getting so far. The guy who has always wanted kids, my hubby now can't b'cos of my stupid decisions.

Thanks for saying that "You can't shake off a good embryo" that is good to know. But now i'm like, okay, if the 2 good ones did not make it, how can the other frozen ones make it then? Aren't I a total mess??

And yes, i'm waiting for my period to start the FET.

I know it'll be my turn soon. Thanks for reassuring me. You are totally right, my turn will come, and i'll need my friends to love me as i have them...and my hubby too. He has sperm issues too, even though he's in denial about it.

Alright Marina, shaking off anger/frustration/sadness................

Thank you

HUGS

 

Marina - February 7

Hey,Mo,
I still think blaming yourself for STD is wasting of time,ANYBODY can get them,who doesn't do mistakes,especialy when young?It's not like you knew then-o,If I get STD,then I'll be infertile for the rest of my life...Who think or know about this in their 20?Of course,you should always be careful,but it's in the past,nothing you can do about this now.And other people usualy have their sceletons in the closet,it's not only one partners falt.My dh when he was young wasn't exactly an angel either-drinking,drugs,so now he is totaly different person and I would never blame him for something he've done years ago and affected our situation now-it is life!Thanks God,it could be corrected!
About your embrios-it doesn't mean that they are any good,you never know.Only 30% of women's egg are capable to produce healthy pregnancies,the rest is junk.Maybe you were unlucky to get the bad ones for the first time and now you'll get the good ones this time.
So,don't give up and be positive!

 

mo - February 7

Thank you

 

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