9 years of trying...and bf preg.
5 Replies
babywish - January 9

Hi all,

As my DH and I have been at this for 9 years, everyone in (and sometimes out) of our circle has unfortunately heard my whining, complaining, anger, frustration, resentment, shrieks of horror - the list could go on... So can I vent to you? :-\

In our nine years, we have several chemical pregs and four miscarriages, the last being twins in Dec. 06. We've went through drug after drug, IUI after IUI, IVF after IVF and allllll that goes with it. I've stood on my head, used turkey basters and ate tons of squash (long story...) After we lost our twins, our next egg retrieval last June resulted in a trip to the ER with internal bleeding and a near hysterectomy. After two months recovery, we've been doing the acupunture/acupressure/moxa/herbs/tea that tastes sooo bad and, here's the kicker, a Eastern medicine-designed "diet" of no wheat, dairy, sugars, sweets, raw foods, cold drinks or coffee (ok, I've been through a lot, God, but do you have to take away my STARBUCKS?) UGGGH!

At 39, I'm trying not to go crazy right now, but my bf dropped a bombshell after Thanksgiving - yep, she's preg. She's seen me through seven years of holy hell, and I've seen her through three boyfriends, convincing her to check out eharmony, finding and dating her now husband, helping her plan her wedding, and did I mention we work together? Funny thing, it wasn't really planned - if it happened, it happened. And it did, not too long after being off years and years of bc. She was horrified and scared to tell me, and of course I had a meltdown (during which I went to Pottery Barn Baby and bought a stocking and bib set for the baby's Christmas present). Yes, I am a sick person.

So now my acupuncturist says we're almost ready to try again, and my angels have five "siblings" in frozen suspension (so enough for 2 FETs). If it doesn't work, we go to plan B - which means possibly trying to adopt, but money-wise and other factors may make that out of reach. I'm trying really hard, through prayer, my Pastor and yes, even venting to my bf and dh, to deal with my moments of sheer jealousy, but it's hard. If that's not bad enough, my dad, who is my rock and bf too, has been in the hospital for 3 mo. now and although he's out of the woods, I can't vent to him, not right now. How do I get up in the morning and be absolutely estatic about this knowing full well I may never have my dream? I plan on hosting her shower, and I'll see this baby probably every day (or every other day) for the rest of my life. I'm anxious, nervous and stressed and sure that my aging body isn't going to handle it as well as it did five years ago.

Thanks for lending an ear. God bless all of you.

 

lyly14 - January 9

Babywish- I am so sorry to hear about all your heartache. I know how difficult it can be. My bf and I were pg around the same time (she was a few months ahead of me). I lost mine a few days before her shower. It was the most difficult thing for me and I didn't want to go, but I did and got through. Anyway it has been almost 2 yrs and I have been to all events for her son and still no baby for me. I am fortunate to have one dd who is 9 but its doesn't make it any easier when you lose one and continue to want one so bad. You came to the right place to vent and get support. We are all here for you when you need!

 

vligertwood - January 15

Babywish,

We're here for you, wish there was a magic pill that would make all this easier to deal with, heck as long as we're wishing lets just get rid of infertility altogether. Sounds like you've been through it all and then some, our prayers are with you. Babydust and blessing.

Vicki

 

tvalentine7 - March 10

I feel your pain thru your words. I am sorry, and I understand how you feel.

Wish we could make the pain stop!

 

RB - March 10

babywish,

you have lots of suport here and an ear and a shoulder whenever you need it....i have 6 God children, have been to many baby showers, Christenings, birthday parties....i've resented my sister, my friends, my neighbours, my colleagues...i ranted at God and wondered why me? Now, by a miracle i am PG after 10 years of marriage and my first IVF...don't give up....we are all here for you. Lots of baby dust and prayers...

Reshma

 

babyrabbit - March 12

[quote author=babywish link=board=12;threadid=5265;start=0#45868 date=1199916078]
Hi all,

As my DH and I have been at this for 9 years, everyone in (and sometimes out) of our circle has unfortunately heard my whining, complaining, anger, frustration, resentment, shrieks of horror - the list could go on... So can I vent to you? :-\

In our nine years, we have several chemical pregs and four miscarriages, the last being twins in Dec. 06. We've went through drug after drug, IUI after IUI, IVF after IVF and allllll that goes with it. I've stood on my head, used turkey basters and ate tons of squash (long story...) After we lost our twins, our next egg retrieval last June resulted in a trip to the ER with internal bleeding and a near hysterectomy. After two months recovery, we've been doing the acupunture/acupressure/moxa/herbs/tea that tastes sooo bad and, here's the kicker, a Eastern medicine-designed "diet" of no wheat, dairy, sugars, sweets, raw foods, cold drinks or coffee (ok, I've been through a lot, God, but do you have to take away my STARBUCKS?) UGGGH!

At 39, I'm trying not to go crazy right now, but my bf dropped a bombshell after Thanksgiving - yep, she's preg. She's seen me through seven years of holy hell, and I've seen her through three boyfriends, convincing her to check out eharmony, finding and dating her now husband, helping her plan her wedding, and did I mention we work together? Funny thing, it wasn't really planned - if it happened, it happened. And it did, not too long after being off years and years of bc. She was horrified and scared to tell me, and of course I had a meltdown (during which I went to Pottery Barn Baby and bought a stocking and bib set for the baby's Christmas present). Yes, I am a sick person.

So now my acupuncturist says we're almost ready to try again, and my angels have five "siblings" in frozen suspension (so enough for 2 FETs). If it doesn't work, we go to plan B - which means possibly trying to adopt, but money-wise and other factors may make that out of reach. I'm trying really hard, through prayer, my Pastor and yes, even venting to my bf and dh, to deal with my moments of sheer jealousy, but it's hard. If that's not bad enough, my dad, who is my rock and bf too, has been in the hospital for 3 mo. now and although he's out of the woods, I can't vent to him, not right now. How do I get up in the morning and be absolutely estatic about this knowing full well I may never have my dream? I plan on hosting her shower, and I'll see this baby probably every day (or every other day) for the rest of my life. I'm anxious, nervous and stressed and sure that my aging body isn't going to handle it as well as it did five years ago.

Thanks for lending an ear. God bless all of you.

[/quote]

 

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