As my DH and I have been at this for 9 years, everyone in (and sometimes out) of our circle has unfortunately heard my whining, complaining, anger, frustration, resentment, shrieks of horror - the list could go on... So can I vent to you? :-\
In our nine years, we have several chemical pregs and four miscarriages, the last being twins in Dec. 06. We've went through drug after drug, IUI after IUI, IVF after IVF and allllll that goes with it. I've stood on my head, used turkey basters and ate tons of squash (long story...) After we lost our twins, our next egg retrieval last June resulted in a trip to the ER with internal bleeding and a near hysterectomy. After two months recovery, we've been doing the acupunture/acupressure/moxa/herbs/tea that tastes sooo bad and, here's the kicker, a Eastern medicine-designed "diet" of no wheat, dairy, sugars, sweets, raw foods, cold drinks or coffee (ok, I've been through a lot, God, but do you have to take away my STARBUCKS?) UGGGH!
At 39, I'm trying not to go crazy right now, but my bf dropped a bombshell after Thanksgiving - yep, she's preg. She's seen me through seven years of holy hell, and I've seen her through three boyfriends, convincing her to check out eharmony, finding and dating her now husband, helping her plan her wedding, and did I mention we work together? Funny thing, it wasn't really planned - if it happened, it happened. And it did, not too long after being off years and years of bc. She was horrified and scared to tell me, and of course I had a meltdown (during which I went to Pottery Barn Baby and bought a stocking and bib set for the baby's Christmas present). Yes, I am a sick person.
So now my acupuncturist says we're almost ready to try again, and my angels have five "siblings" in frozen suspension (so enough for 2 FETs). If it doesn't work, we go to plan B - which means possibly trying to adopt, but money-wise and other factors may make that out of reach. I'm trying really hard, through prayer, my Pastor and yes, even venting to my bf and dh, to deal with my moments of sheer jealousy, but it's hard. If that's not bad enough, my dad, who is my rock and bf too, has been in the hospital for 3 mo. now and although he's out of the woods, I can't vent to him, not right now. How do I get up in the morning and be absolutely estatic about this knowing full well I may never have my dream? I plan on hosting her shower, and I'll see this baby probably every day (or every other day) for the rest of my life. I'm anxious, nervous and stressed and sure that my aging body isn't going to handle it as well as it did five years ago.
Thanks for lending an ear. God bless all of you.