IUI to IVF to Adoption and back again
9 Replies
babyofourdreams - January 17

Hello everyone!
I'm new to this board as I haven't been on any boards in a very long time. I'm really just looking for support and to give support as well. My husband and I have (over the past 8 yrs) had 3 failed IUI's and 6 IVF's (2 of which were done with PGD). "Poor quality eggs" is our issue. I'm 40 yrs old now but was only 32 when we started this ordeal. I went on a fertility retreat a few years ago with Dr. Randine Lewis and that was my turning point. We are now on the adoption journey to Russia and I thought everything we've already been through was hard??!!........well let me tell you, this journey hasn't been much easier. We've had many set backs with our Russian facilitator filing for backrupcy and our agency not getting their reaccreditation. As we continue on this journey we are now also considering one more shot with a donar while the adoption process is at a standstill. I'm scared to death because I remember how horrible I felt on the stims. The financial part is also concerning because the adoption is also so expensive. I'm just so confused right now and not sure which way to turn. I guess I'm just looking for some friends to turn to for emotional support once again.

 

teri-chan - January 17

Hi there, and welcome to this board.

I'm 42 years old and about 14 weeks pregnant through the use of donor egg (and sperm actually). My journey was a fairly short one, since I didn't start trying to get pregnant until I was 41 years old. (I'd gotten pregnant while on the pill when I was almost 39, so I tended to believe the claims that feminists make about how the media exaggerate the decline in fertility with age. On the basis of that misinformation, I had an abortion that time. I can't express to you my regret over that, even though I did it with thoughts of what would be best for the child.)

I'm very sorry to hear of the setbacks you've had in the adoption process. And I can certainly understand your thought about perhaps trying a donor egg in the meantime, while the adoption is on hold. I can also understand your concern about finances. I don't know much about the costs of adoption, although I thought that there was a federal tax CREDIT of about $10,000 for those who adopt, so that at least some of the costs are offset. As for donor egg, my clinic charged about $20K for everything (including the fee that went to the donor) for a single recipient cycle. Some of that will be tax-deductable, since that's over 7.5% of our annual income.

As for your concern about the medications, you should bear in mind that as a recipient of a donor egg, you won't be on any stimulating hormones. You will, if my protocol was standard (as I believe it was), be suppressed with Lupron (subcutaneous injections with an insulin syringe and needle), and then you'll be given estrogen (in my case through patches) to make your uterine lining receptive to the embryo(s), then finally, you'll be put on progesterone (intramuscular injections in the "hip") to keep your body from shedding your lining. It is a lot of exogenous hormones to take, but the estrogen and progesterone are given only in quantities about like what you would naturally produce. So it's a lot different from being on stimulating hormones, where you get far more FSH than your body would produce on its own--well, until you hit menopause when you produce FSH like crazy.

I don't know if any of that was helpful to you; I hope it was. Mostly I just wanted you to know that the issues you bring up are ones that others have thought about. Maybe that will help you to feel less alone in the journey. Oh, and just by the way, I have Randine Lewis's book, and I had acupuncture before and after my embryo transfer. I'd be interested in knowing how the retreat with her marked a turning point for you.

Best wishes to you.

 

Fortyfourfive - January 20

Babyofourdreams - Hi - I also have done donor eggs and am now pg - 5 months along. I have used 2 different donors. I was only put on birthcontrol to stop my periods and then like Terichan I was on estrogen and progesterone for the month before the transfer. Since I am perimenopausal I liked the extra hormones. Ha! With the donor costs and fertility clinic costs it was just over 20 thousand dollars. Good luck with your latest attempt and hope it works. By the way I was in early perimenopause at 38 and have donor ivf with my own, only donor. Good luck.

 

smod - March 23

Fortyfourfive- May I ask why you used 2 different donors? How many eggs did you get from each? Do you use the same donor agency for those donors? Did you pick first time donors or repeated donors? I don't know if it's true but noticed the repeated donors have more luck in producing multiple eggs than the first time donors. I only have 5 eggs (all are 8 cells) from a first time donor. I had FET last month with 3 embies but unfortunately they failed to implant. Now I have two leftovers in the cryoperservation. I probably won't have another FET in the next couple of months. If those two eggs do not survive on the day of FET, I will search for a new donor.

 

Fortyfourfive - March 31

Hi smod - My first donor was 29- had donated before. Only gave us 8 eggs and one was viable. My second donor was 24 gave us 18 eggs and 8 were viable. My first donor was an aquaintance and the second donor was through an agency. Baby dust to you.

 

whattodo - March 28

Hello babyofourdreams! I can relate to what you're going through! My husband and I wanted more than anything to be parents so we fostered children. We tried 3 IUI cycles with donor sperm with no sucess. We kept fostering and had our heart broke over and over. After enough heartache we decided to move ahead with a private adoption agency called Adoption By Choice here in Alberta. We now have a baby boy! Now we're trying to decide what do do. We want more children and we're not sure what route to take. Do we adopt through the agency? Try more IUI's? Do IVF? So much to think about. Our funds are very limited too as my husband is the only income earner. Where should we put our very limited funds? I wish there was an easy answer.

 

Marina - March 28

Hi whattodo,
it's a difficult choice you have to make!If we only take in concideration money part, and if,let say you will move to IVF,that will cost you somewhwere from$15000 to 25000,but there is no garantie that you'll get the result.
With adoption(I don't know what was your cost with privat agency)it might be more money,but at least you'll get a child! We were talking a lot about adopting,but decided to try IVF first.It's an emotional roller coaster and a difficult journey and many sucsess stories at the end,but keep in mind- sometimes there is no happy ending and can get very expensive.You'd have to find a good RE and reputable clinic and do your own reserch.For some people very important to have a biological child and others don't really care.If you could just try IVF and if it fails go for another adoption,but there is lot of a money involved and I understand you can't aford both...I wish you luck-nobody can make this tough choice but you and your husband.

 

whattodo - March 30

Marina, I really appreciate you getting back to me. Thanks so much. Hubby and I are meeting with our RE in about a month. He'll go over our options and costs involved then we'll have all the necessary info to make a decision. Private adoption for us was $8000. Financially it's probably smarter for us to adopt again but my heart still longs to experience pregnancy. I want to try before I get too old and I don't want to have regrets down the road. I am soooo in love with our baby-he feels so much like mine that I feel like I've given birth to him myself. Even when he was newborn, my boobs ached to breastfeed and they were tender. So adopting for us is still an option. I'll have to see where our journey takes us. It can be so confusing and emotionally draining.

 

Marina - March 30

I totaly understand you and we are trying IVF for the same reason.But we are very open to adoption.
I wish you the best and if you have questions down the road,feel free to ask.Everybody is very helpfull here.I just went through IVF,it was a success until 16 weeks.Now we are waiting for the frozen cycle to begin,hopefully with alive baby at the end.It is very hard emotionally and financialy.I wish you luck!

 

woodyanita - January 6

Getting pregnant at the age of 40 is difficult but not that difficult also. Latest technology in the field of infertility treatments will help you a lot.
You can have a look at the following to know more.

iwannagetpregnant.com

 

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