A Few Things I've Learned
8 Replies
|
|
|
|
|
|
Now that I've got three whole weeks of Motherhood under my belt, there are a few things I've learned that I thought I would share with you blossoming Mommies. Take it, or leave it...God knows you'll get PLENTY of advice once your baby, or babies, get here.
Delivery.
I would highly suggest the C-Section. It was such an amazing and PAIN FREE experience. I got nausea medication, anti-itch meds and great pain relief and I had really had a tremendously easy time of life. I did hurt the second day after delivery, but took my pain meds as scheduled and I was just fine...seriously. I'm a HUGE wimp, so this whole experience came as a huge shock to me. And, brace yourself, I actually feel like sex again!!
Breastfeeding.
You'll get HORRID advice from the lactation consultants at the hospital. They will tell you that you'll have to feed every hour or two for the first few weeks, and that you should wake your sleeping newborn to eat. DO NOT wake a sleeping baby. For your sanity AND theirs. Would you want to be awoken to be fed?? Trust me, your baby will let you know when they are hungry. It's an easy cry to figure out - it's the one that is the most urgent cry you've ever heard in your life...not just regular whiny crying. You won't hear the "I'm annoyed" cry for about two weeks...so you'll become really familiar with the "I'm hungry" cry!! If your baby eats 8 times a day, that's great and you're doing fine.
Another horrid myth: breastfeeding won't hurt if you're doing it right. WRONG! It's not the worst pain ever...but, it can be pretty painful. Especially when your milk comes in - your little boobies become posessed and massive and HARD and painful...and until your little one can help you get rid of that milk, it's a little painful. Your nipples will ALWAYS sting a bit, especially right after feeding. It's not horrible, but it just stings a bit, that's all. The latching on is toe curling until the third suck or so, then it's all good. It's just getting them on the breast and off the breast that gets a little dicey, but as long as you're prepared for it, then you'll be fine. It hurts, but it's not so bad that I want to quit, even when he cluster-feeds.
Emotions.
Two days after we got home, we were on our way for Duncan's one week check-up...as we got off the highway, I noticed tears running down my cheeck. I thought it was odd because I didn't even know I was crying. By the time we got to the end of the exit ramp, I was in hysterics - with NO CLUE why I was bawling!! Though I can - and do - cry at the slightest provocation, I don't cry for no reason anymore. I was just NOT prepared to cry - and I mean CRY - for no reason whatsoever.
When your little darling is screaming their pretty little head off at 3AM, and you have fed, diapered, burped, cuddled and given gas drops...you, too, will bawl like your baby. It is the worst - THE WORST - feeling in the world...not being able to make your crying baby better is the SINGLE most helpless feeling in the world...and you will cry your eyes out. Just know that you are a WONDERFUL MOMMY, you've done everything you can for your baby and then pray for the strength to get through the crying spell.
Fear.
I think the one thing infertility took from me was my ability to relax a little about Duncan and actually ENJOY my baby. I can't get over the fact that he is here to stay - DH and I still feel like he will be taken from us at any second. For the first ten days, all we did was stare and him and cry...like it still wasn't real that he was actually here. Then, once that passed, all I could think was that I wasn't going to be able to keep him...like it's some cruel joke and I won't get to keep him forever. DH and I share that same fear - and I think the infertility is really to blame...all the effort, m/c and time has made us crazy. We tried for SO long and wished and prayed and hoped for him for so long, that it's just not real that he IS ours to have and to hold forever. I was not prepared for how very tweaked we are because of all the loss during our infertility journey. DH and I have made a concious decision to NOT be overly protective of him...like crazy over protective...so we are learning to deal with the fact that he IS here and he IS here to stay and we ARE okay as a wonderful little family. It's hard to accept, but we're learning. And that has me a little bothered, but I understand it. It's like abused women who have a hard time accepting a good relationship - the infertility abused us and now we're trying to accept the good relationship with our son.
Smell.
No one EVER prepared me for how good my baby would smell. We huff his little hats. We jam our noses into the crook of his warm, soft neck. We smell him all the time!! Smell your baby...smell your baby a lot. And marvel at the soft, sweet skin. Just remember to smell the baby. It will cure anything that might ail you.
Well, I'm not going to blather on any more. There are some special considerations for Mommies and Daddies with infertility experience...things you may never expect. Just remember - you're a great Mommy, he's a great Daddy and you'll all be just fine.
MUCH LOVE to each of you!
HeatherMac
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Heather,
Firstly, congratulations on the birth of your darling little boy, you must be over the moon......
Your advice was just wonderful. So very very honest and Im glad you wrote it. It's not easy is it????but, it is one of the most rewarding experiences anyone will have.
When we had Billie, (daughter now almost 6) we felt the same about her not being here forever....It goes on and on believe me, I still look at her and wonder in amazement and pray to god that he will let me keep her.
You sound so in love with your baby and I am so thrilled for you.
Shaz
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Heathermac- Thank you for your wonderful advice, I am in my 5th month and being my first I do have all kinds of worries and wonder how is it going to be once little Bryan arrives! I will be C-section so I have that one covered!! I am glad to hear things are going well with you!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Heathermac -- I can't believe ti has been 3 weeks... that is so amazing.. so you must be at least in a nice routine now (as much as you can be!!)
I LOVED your advice and will cherish it. I especially loved the part on Fear.. as I have felt the same way.. everyone tells me to relax and enjoy my pregnancy.. but I can't.. I keep waiitng for something to happpen.. which is wrong.. but I just keep thinking.. is this too good to be true?
Anyway... I am so glad everything is working out well for you and DH and Duncan!
Great advice on breastfeeding.. I was visiting a friend of mine yesterday who has a 2 year old and a newborn and she said the exact same thing... breast feeding hurts.. until you and the baby get the hang of it.. she said even this second baby hurt the first little while.. but you get through it.. and all will be well.
Take care.. and keep up with the wonderful posts of wisdom!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Heathermac, thank you for sharing your thoughts! Right now all I have is anxiety and anticipation. I hope my c-sec goes as smoothly as yours!
I think the only thing different with me is I may have to wake a baby to feed, unfortunately. I will only do that if their eating schedules are very different. Although feeding twins tandom scares the heck out of me I think lack of sleep will make a little loony. Are you pumping at all?
Shaz, It is so good to hear from you! I miss you! How are you doing? Not too much longer now! Take care!
Thank you again Heather. You have a way with words, I'm so glad you have such happiness in your life now. A child is certainly a blessing and I don't think anyone can put it quite the way you do.
cassandra
|
 | Meg - December 2 |
|
|
|
|
|
Heathermac,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. I can totally relate to everything that you said. I still worry each and everyday about our twins. I feel like I don't deserve all of our blessings. Being a mother is still a surreal experience to this day. I remember crying probably up until they were a year old at different times that we actually had babies. Sometimes I still look at them and get teary eyed. They are our miracle babies, and of course the one that is on the way is also another miracle. I consider this baby our lost triplet.
I am so glad things are going well for you. Duncan is so lucky to have you as his Mommy :) Please keep on checking in. It is so nice to hear from you :)
Take Care,
Meg
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Heather, What a beautiful post. I had to go to the ladies room and wipe my tears away before I could reply. You are showing such feelng that only a mother would know. It brought back memories for me of when my 15 and 16 yr old girls were babies. With my first child I was SO scared all the time. I truly think I had some kind of attachment problem. I had her sleep on my stomach every night for weeks. I heard people say "but you may roll over on her" and I just thought, yeah, ok buddy. There was NO WAY that would have happened. I was terrified of SIDS and I knew that having her on my belly was the best thing for both of us. It was a terrible very very long labor and she broke my tailbone on the way out and was being smothered by the cord wrapped twice around her neck. She had muscle problems for 4 years after that requiring physical therapy administered all by me after the insurance wouldn't pay any more. Her fathers 3 siblings died of a muscular disease and although I knew that she was a little "damaged" from the delivery, I feared every day that she had that same disease. I refused to put her in a stroller anywhere. I had her in my arms always. I didn't even let her poor father carry her down the stairs for fear that he'd drop her. Like I said, I think I had a problem. Over time, I relaxed. It took a few years. I checked her breathing and my younger daughters breathing every single night for so long. I think I finally stopped that about 4 years ago. I just hope that this time, with these 2 babies, I can try harder to enjoy every second. It goes by SO fast. I am completely amazed that I have teen daughters. The time flew and sadly, I can't remember all the wonderful details like their beautiful smell as infants.
So, I'll add 2 things. One, I tried SO hard to breastfeed. I pumped for months and finally stopped after bawling in my doctor's office. A nurse said to me, "you are doing a wonderful job. Stop beating yourself up. MANY children are perfectly healthy being raised on formula." Well, I think that breastfeeding is absolutely wonderful but I just want to say that if anyone here chooses not to or can't for whatever reason, you are still a fantastic mom. My 2nd daughter was completely bottle fed and she is the most healthy kid I ever met. She is so rarely sick, I honestly cant remember a time when I worried about a sickness in her.
Two, Try so hard to remember every minute and document what you can. Pictures, videos, anything. No matter how great it is, the memories do fade and the things I've done to remember those time are priceless. I wrote letters to my girls for years and they treasure them. Start traditions of your own if you can. One I started is that I hide their Easter baskets every year. Even as 2 and 3 year olds, I put clues in plastic eggs and helped them read the clues and find the next egg until at the end of the trail, the basket was found. Now, I still do it but I put in riddles or difficult to solve clues. It usually takes about an hour for them to find their baskets and I swear, that is more fun for them than the gifts. Anything you can do special like that will mean so much to our children and hopefully, you'll pass a tradition on for generations to come.
My best to every one of you wonderful women! Karen
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Here here! Excellent points made by Cassandra and Karen!!
If you have to wake a baby to feed, by all means...wake that baby!!
Most importantly, if the breastfeeding thing doesn't work - DON'T PUSH IT! Forumlas are there for a reason - if you push it and MAKE yourself breastfeed, you'll end up resenting baby and feeling loads of guilt you DO NOT need just after giving birth. So, if you want to try it, try it! If not, whip up the formula and call it a day!!
Just remember to smell that baby/those babies as often as possible regardless of what your situation is...when I'm up at 3AM and at my wits end, I stop, rub his little head and take a deep smell of him right behind his ear near his neck. It instantly puts everything into perspective for me. BTW, did you notice Lynette smelling her little girl Sunday night on Desperate Housewives at the very end of the episode?? DH and I cracked up!! I'm telling you, it's just mesmerizing.
Have a great night, everyone!!
XOXOXO
HeatherMac
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Heather, thank you for mentioning what if breastfeeding is not working. I will try not to stress about it. The thought of breastfeeding twins is certainly overwhelming. I agree you don't need the stress of that on top of everything else! If I have to go to formula than so be it.
I'm glad all is well with your new family. I can't wait to smell my babies either! I know I will just stare at them all the time. They are our little miracle babies. Give Duncan lots of kisses for us! :) cassandra
|
