Still very depressed
148 Replies
liz - August 14

Hi Aimee and Lila -

Sounds like you are feeling better, I am glad to hear that. Wow, you start you are almost ready to begin your bcp's. I bet you are excited and probably a bit nervous. Hang in there and keep the faith.
What a beautiful weekend we had, sure do love this non-humid weather. Although I must confess it makes me alittle sad to know winter is just around the corner. :( I am not a big winter person, much rather have summer, but of course without the humidity. Boy, I think I am asking alot. haha

Lila -
Well, I must say that I agree with you to keep moving with your IVF. It may not be what the allergist wants for you and I do hear his concerns, but if it was me I thinkI would do the IVF and if for some reason you are not successful on the first round then I would take the time off for the allergist. Just my opinion. You have come so far and about to begin I would hate to see you put it off. However, it is a real matter of your health and that is in question then maybe I would have to think a bit harder. 3 months is like a lifetime for you when you want to conceive so badly, but in the big picture 3 months is really not that long. I know it really does stink that you are faced with this new problem.
As for sign that you should not be a mother. Through my journey I could swear that I saw a hundred signs telling me that I was not destined to become a Mom. I think that we are so in tuned to everything that we tend to look into things too much sometimes. Often I think there are signs showing us why we will become Moms but we are so used to focusing on the negative that we miss it. When I had a real bad cycle in June (I ovulated on day 5) anyway I was devestated I just started treatments in May and was a wreck because we had lost another month. I went home early from work and was pacing on my deck, crying asking why this was happening to be. I was like I said a wreck. I looked down at my rose tree that I had planted a few weeks earlier and there was a single white rose on the tree. Immediatly felt this was a sign, it was a sign that I was going to be ok. I stopped my crying and thanked God for giving me a sign that I would be ok, that we would be ok. I didn't know if this meant I would end up having a baby of my own, but I felt peace, I felt for the first time I would be ok and we would get though this no matter what. I am telling you this story because normally I would not have thought into this so much, it was the timing and I do feel 100% with all my heart that it was a sign!

As for me. I am ok. I have not been sleeping so well. I get these cramps in my legs that are unbelievably painful and I get af like cramps. Of course when this happens I become a nervous wreck thinking soemthing is wrong. I know I have read that af like cramps are very common, but the leg cramps not sure what that is. I have a call into my nurses, hopefully they can shed some light on this for me. Other then that I am ok. Tired, tired and more tired. Taking it easy these days, which I must say is hard with the house.

We are going camping this weekend (Thurs. Fri and Sat.) we will be home Sunday for a "ground breaking" ceremony with our family. Mon is the offical day we the crew is coming in for the excavation, but since we have my u/s at 7:30 am we will do "our ground breaking" on Sunday evening.

I must run, work is calling


Aimee37 - August 14

Liz- Yes it was beautiful this weekend and it is today too! I went home to let my doggies out and did not want to come back to work! My headache came back so I popped more Vicadin. I want to sleep now! My chest is tight and hurts a bit. I think because of my allergies.

Sorry your legs are cramping. :( I am sure it is nothing to worry about. Being tired is a very good sign! I felt exhausted after my IVF due to the HCG in your system. I hope you have a happy/healthy 9 months!! :)

I am on day #9 of BCP's right now. I should have my ER about a month from now. Yes I am nervous and for fear of another chemical pregnancy. I need to stay optimistic though.....

Well, I hope you have a great day at work. I am already looking towards Friday! LOL!!! :)

Talk to you laters...


Lila - August 14

Hey Liz and Aimee
Liz you sound like you are doing really great. Remember tired is good that means the little one(s) are growing and getting bigger, better and stronger. I hear you about the winter thing but all my girlfriends say you would much prefer to have the last trimester any time but during summer heat so at least you have that all worked out.

Hope you have a great camping trip and an excellent ground breaking.

Aimee – You sound like you are back to you old happy healthy self. Is the mouth doing well? Sorry about the headaches.

My protocol is different from yours. I am taking Bravelle after the Lupron bleed. I have to admit I am very scared about all the prep work for the meds. I will need to mix 6 vials every night and I am so not looking forward to it. I am not worked up at all about the actual shot but am convinced I will mess up the mixing. Is this some sick and twisted punishment for not doing well in chemistry all those years ago? I knew I should have paid more attention.

I forget are you giving yourself the shots? All of mine are sub q/in the stomach until the HCG trigger so I am on the fence about doing it myself vs arming DH with a needle each night after I am sure I said at least one horrible (hormone induced) thing to him that day. We will have to see?

Any advice you have to give with regard to mixing or taking shots?

I have to admit I really do not mind the Noni, and I am normally very picky about taste. I did try to convince DH to give it a try too but I do not think I closed that sale. He looks at me and says let me see if I have this straight: I am giving up coffee, wine, my steam room, and our august vacation - all the things that help me function and cope with life and stress, and instead of those I get to drink Noni and stick my wife with needles every night that will result in a wild and crazy hormone trip. Yup, I respond, that sounds like a fair trade don’t you think?

PS: Slatka Hope all is going well with the packing.


liz - August 17

Hi Aimee and Lila -

I hope you are enjoying this beautiful weather. I am not sure if you are having the same as me but here is is very sunny and about 86 with no humidity. At night the temps are in the 60s so sleeping is very nice. I really do love this time of year.

Aimee -
How the bcp's going? Any crazy typical side effects of them? I know for me I never had to many side effects on them just felt better then with I wasen't on them. I guess that could be due my hormone problems. The bcp kept me in line.
Do you start your next medicine soon? I think you said it was Lupron?

Lila -
Hows it going with you? Have you begun your bcp's yet?
I don't have any experience with IVF however I did have to do the injections in my belly. Well, Frank did them for me. No matter how hard I tried I just could not do it myself. I guess I am a baby. The shots themself were a piece of cake. We only had one problem the first time he game me one he hit a blood vessel and I got really black and blue and extremely sore. I was really scared at first I thought I no if every shot is like this I am going to too sore to get the shots. After showing the nurse she assured me that this will not happen everytime. I think what happened is he went in to straight instead on on the angle. Anyways after that we never had another incident like that one.
Mixing is not tough atleast mine was not. I had 1 vile of saline that I had to put in 1 vile of meds, then take all of it out and put it into another vile of meds and then take it out again this time for the shot. It seems like more work then it is and trust me you become so immune to it after a couple of days it just comes second nature.

Take care, I must get to work.


Lila - August 17

Hey all

Aimee Haven't heard from you in a couple of days hope all is well. I would love to hear more about your protocal and compare notes.

Liz it sounds like evrything is really going along really nicely. Have the legs cramps subsided a little? We too in DC are having beautiful weather - so unusual for DC in August but I will definitely take it. Tonight is DH's birthday so we are going out for a fancy schmancy dinner. Should be excellent although I am a little sad I can not have a nice glass of wine. Oh the scrifices we make. Liz with regard to your question about BCP my protocol does not call for it - I just start Lupron on cycle day 21.

So speaking of day 21 actually that is today. I went and got a clean report from my ultrasound this morning so my big news item for the day is I started my Lupron - Yea! Luckily they break you in nice and easy on this one as it has no mixing so it is just a matter of loading up the syringe getting the airbubbles out and then injecting it in. All went rather smoothly and it was not terribly painful so DH celebrated after he was finished with a superbowl worthy endzone dance! He was very pleased with himself. So depending how all this goes I guess I am about 3 weeks from ER. With any luck I could start to catch up with your success by the end of September but for now it is just one day at a time. I have my follow up (from the Lap surger) with my RE tomorrow so this week finally feels like lots is happening which is good. I also had two accupunture appts this week so I am very relaxed and filled wityh positive energy.

Talk with y'all later


liz - August 21

Hello Aimee and Lila -

How are you doing? I am very well. We just got home last night from our camping weekend and guess what there was a huge whole in the ground. The excavator decided to start early (Frank had said it was ok) since he has another job he needs to do on Wed. One of our friends had called on our way home and told us he was digging we just had no idea how much would be done. It is amazing. He is out there right now digging, should be done by tonight and then the footers will be poured tomorrow most likely. It is so exciting, I can hardly believe that it is finally happening.

Then this morning we had some more good news. I had my u/s and there are 2 sacs and 2 yokes. I am very excited. It is still very early and of course I am well aware of everything that can go wrong. Right now I am still trying on day at a time and now that we saw the sac and yoke I am ok and pretty calm. I have an appt on 9/1 were we will have another u/s and should see the heartbeat then.

How are your protocols coming along. Any time frame on when you will have your retrievals?

I hope all is well.
Take care and talk to you soon,


Lila - August 21

Liz that is amazing!!! I was so thinking it would be twins and now that it is confirmed - YEA! Hope you are resting and enjoying this phase. I know you say you just want to take everything one day at a time and that sounds like a great plan so just enjoy this awesome news and keep looking at your US picture as proof that it really is going to happen.


liz - August 23

Hi Lila and Aimee -

Lila -
Sorry I am alittle slow on the return posts these days, I am trying but it seems like I have just a tad bit too much going on and then it top it off I am dead tired. Makes life interesting. :)

How are you feeling? Anxiously starting your protocols, I think. Like I said on the other tread I am sorry I keep getting mixed up. My mind is in 100 different directions and I am having trouble keeping anything straight.

I hope you are well, I am thinking about you.

Aimee -
We haven't heard from you in a while. I hope all is well.

Take care,


Aimee37 - August 28

Hi Liaz & Lila! :) I am so sorry I have neclected to post for awhile! :( I have been swamped with alot of stuff going on.

I will make this this breif because I am at work now.

Liz- CONGRATS on your twins!!!!! :) Yippee Yahoo!!! So I guess you can stop TTC for awhile!!! I hope your new house is underway and will be ready to move into in no time!! So very happy with you. You have alot to be thankful for! :)

Lila- I see you are underway with your IVF? I saw your post aboutthe Lupron. I would not worry about being oversupressed. 10 units is not much. I was on 20 units for about 12 days and after that 5 units until ER. I am on my 5th day of stimming now but this time I am on 10 units. I take it you are about to stim? Good Luck Lila! Where are you seeking your treatment at? BFP wishes for you!!!

Well gotsta get back to work. Will write more laters!
*hopeful hugs* for all!


Lila - September 1

Hey Aimee - I missed your post the other day (sorry I had stopped checking here). Hope you are doing well and AF is behaving herself.

I was over in your neck of the woods for dinner last nigt at Sweet Ginger - it was pretty good.

I am on stim day 5 and so far things have been going OK. The shots have been easy (too easy I am getting nervous nothing is happening). My base E2 was 14 and 3 days later it was 135 so they are keeping my meds the same with no changes. I continue to be on pins and needles waiting to see if anything is growing or not - can not wait till they do U/S. Hope your stims are progressing well.


Aimee37 - September 1

Hi Lila- :) Yes Sweet Ginger is good eatin'. WOW day 5 of stims? Awesome! Do you know your follie count? I hope your E2 does not get as high as mine did. It got up to 4555 after 10 days of stimming with 14 follies. I heard Dr. Jacobs cancels cycles when it gets that high. I think it was alot higher on ER day. I was hyperstimulated. My ovaries were so swollen that the RE doing my transfer made a comment. I had a high fever the day of transfer too. I wonder if that made me m/c? Not good. My nurse was upset because I did not tell her.

Well I went in for day 3 US this morning. I have been having screwy cycles and did not get AF after BCP's! I am very worried that my cycle is doomed now! The US looked good this morning. My lining is at 4.3, think like they want it and all my follies were under 10mm. I am waiting for my blood results now (progesterone/E2) to find out if I start to stim tonite. I will be on 225iu gonal and 75iu menopur. With the way things have been going for me lately and all the stress I have had, I will be shocked if I have a successful cycle.

I just had my wisdom teeth pulled and have been feeling weak with allergy attacks and work has been overwhelming. I have been on loads of meds and this could be the reason why my cycle is messed up.

I am sure your follies will start shining soon. It will look better a few days from now. :) Don't panic just yet. I will keep my fingers crossed for you Lila!

I hope you are staying dry thru all this rain!!! Talk to you laters!! :)


Lila - September 4

Hey Aimee thought I would check in and see how you are doing. Were you able to start stims on Friday? Hope things are going well.

I have started to get that lovely bloated feeling, as well as headaches, insomnia, and it feels like I have been punched in both kidneys so I am guessing all that means the stims are working and the ovaries are in overdrive. At last check I had 9 follies which I am grateful for but keeping fingers crossed that a few more show up at U/S check tomorrow. Hopefully I will have a sense of when they might trigger by tomorrow - right now I am guessing Wednesday but who knows.

Please write how things are going and what you are up to when you get a chance. It has been a while since you posted so I hope you are doing well.


Aimee37 - September 4

Hi Lila! :) Yes I was able to start stims on Friday without AF! I feel weird stimming withhout AF! I hope I am not doomed!

I too, have bloating and headaches and I have onlly been stimming for 3 days! How many days have you been stimming? What clinic are you going to?

9 follies is good. I think more will show up. That is how it worked for me. I ended up with 15 at the end. Hopefully I will get a better count this time around because my protocol is different. My E2 got really high after 10 days of stimming that most RE's would cancel ER. It was close to 5,000. I hyperstimulated and I think that is what caused my fever when I had my ET. Not good and I wonder if that is what caused my chemical. Who knows?

I go in this morning at 8am for my Day #3 of stims US and blood work. I hope things look OK and that there are no worries.

Hey did you lose your power? My power went off at 9pm on Friday night and I got my power back yesterday at noon! I went to my dad's place because there was no way I would stim in the dark. LOL!

I hope that you are doing great Lila and hanging in there. When is your ER shceduled? I will be thinking positive BFP wishes for you! :)

Just an FYI on what's going on with me....

I have been on 225iu gonal & 75iu Menopur for 3 days. I just got back from my day #3 of stims. Looks good so far. I have 11 follies so far under 10mm, hopefully I can recruit 8 or more by day 10-11 days of stims. Looks alot better than the 1st cycle since I was on a very long Lupron (20 units) protocol and had a rough start with 6 and ending up with 15.

I am kind of scared & anxious right now. Another chemical is on the back of my mind and I am praying that I do not have to undergo another misfortune. Anyway, It looks like my ER will be Sept. 14th. Wish me luck!

*hopeful hugs*
Aimee :)


Lila - September 4

Hey Aimee

Looks like you are having excellent luck with all those follies. Good luck with your test results today.

I was in for b/w and US today as well - waiting for the call with the blood results but I know I trigger tonight I had 4 follies at 21 so I guess that decided it. My E2 was only 449 as of Sat so I am hoping it spikes up today, my RE sais he predicts it will be 1000-1200 so he is happy. Of course I am concerned that everything is all wrong but I am beginning to think that is just the case with IVF. It seems I am in a constant state of panic, worry, and fear - so hard to stay positive.

We got tons of debris from Ernesto with all the high winds but luckily we did not lose power. That is nice you had your Dad's place to escape to - was he there or is the family still down in NC?

I will write later after I trigger. I know ER will be Wednesday so I am trying to move my schedule all around since I was guessing things would be closer to Friday - oh well


Aimee37 - September 4

Hi Lila- WOW you are going to trigger tonight! Awesome! I bet your Estrogen doubles or more! I really think you will get a BFP!! ;D You have alot going for you with this IVF. No worries! you sound like me! Have no fear! Everything will be fine and wonderful Lila! *hugs*

Where is your ER taking place? Are you going to Shady Grove? My fingers are crossed for you!!!

My dad lives in Springfield, VA The family got back last week, just in time! I hear they closed the roads there.

Hey I am going to Noodle & Co. now! :D You know the one you and your friend went to?

Hopeing your ER goes smoothly! Fingers crossed for you! ;D


Lila - September 4

Hey Aimee

Hope you had a nice dinner. I know it is has lots of fat but their macaroni and cheese is my favorite - excellent comfort food. Actually we are having pasta tonigh as well -DH is in the kitchen as I type making homemade fettuccine with wild mushrooms (it is one of my favorute things he does so he is trying to get me out of my funk - very sweet DH (read desperate DH trying to keep hormonally imbalanced wife from going completely insane!).

Anyway yes I am scheduled for ER on Wednesday - I go to Columbia Fertility and their ERs are done right in their own OR at their offices on M street so it is very convienent. Hopefully everything will go well and we will have something viable to transfer.

Thanks for all the positive thought - they are much appreciated. How are you doing today? I saw your post to Dr Jacobs and he sounded like things were on track for you. Good luck at your next meeting/appt. I always have all these questions I want to ask RE when I go for check but seem to repeatedly lose my nerve to ask things as I am sitting on the table half dressed and I know he has others in the waiting room anxious to get their US done so I wimp out.

Well 3 hours till trigger so I must really go and ride my bike I have been procrastinating all afternoon on the computer but think I better "just do it" and stop saying one more search! I am sure I will be back on later so if you want to chat "see" you then.



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