Still very depressed
148 Replies
liz - July 20

Morning Lila -

Well it is official you are going to fit right in here. You write short books, just like all of us. haha. Thats great. I find it so comforting to be able to write to all of you. I feel like every step of my journey I have a whole group of women like me supporting me. Yes, this site is quite addicting for me too.

I am sorry to hear you had some troubles with your marriage due to the baby factor. This is so common and yet it is horrible when you are going through it. I know my dh is like I mentioned before the best husband in the world, however he just said to me the other day "I don't know what we are going to do, (we are building a house in Aug) if you don't get pg something is going to have to give. For a year and a half we are going to have to be putting all of our money towards the house and will not be able to pursue fertility treatments in more depth." I was very very mad at him, but instead of getting in a fight I just got silent. I told him before I will do anything to be able to achieve a preg. and he will just have to accept it. I know that sounds harsh on my part, but it is how I feel. DH wants a baby as much as I do, but he (like most men) do not seem to understand that this is something that can take a great deal of time and money. After his comment I felt my heart sink. I thought "oh great now I have the pressure of getting preg 'now" to avoid future arguements. ughhhh it is so frustrating at times.

I will talk to you soon -


Aimee37 - July 20

Hi Lila- :)

Yes, you live really close to me. In fact my bike accident was on Chain Bridge Road where as I landed myself in the hospital 3 weeks ago. I was very lucky. I did a crazy thing (nothing new with me) and I was not wearing a helmet either and suffered a bad concussion and had 16 stitches in my head with other bad related injuries. It was a real wake up call. I will never bike agressively and vent in this manner. I will use better coping skills to dela with my emotions from now on. I hope! :)

I guess you could say that I am strong for going is solo. I am sure if I was married right now or had a partner that I would have no issues getting pregnant. I just do things the hard way, always have worked this way.

I am lucky to have a wonderful dad, yet unfortunately to have a horrible mother who told me my whole life I was a "bird brain" and made me feel unloved/unwanted.

Exercise/Running has always been in my life and without it would drive me nuts. This is also a big stress reliever for me and sometimes I abuse it. When I am stress and depressed I hardly eat. I guess people use different coping skills. I know alot of people who eat to comfort themselves Very common! You are definitely not alone. I have some on-line friends who have gained so much weight with fertility treatments, the upsets of failed cycles and the drugs are the main reasons. it is understandable and I would not beat yourself up. *hugs*

I am sure you will be in great shape by September! Take baby steps and don't push yourself too hard otherwise you will crash and burn. I know this all too well! :)

I am a big diet coke fan but since TTC I have switched to Diet Coke caffeine free. :) I am drinking water at work and maybe 2 sodas a day now. That is very hard for me because I used to drink atleast a 6 pack a day!! lol!! I do not drink alcohol nor smoke so that is a plus. Alcohol tore my family apart so I did not touch the stuff about seeing how it changes people and makes them do things they wish they did not do. I like to control and be aware of my thoughts/feelings.

I always ask myself why do I had a streak of bad luck and "why me?" as well. I just try to look on the bright side of things and say things could be worse. I just found out this morning that my coworker just had a baby at 9 months and her baby girl was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck and the Dr.'s were unable to revive her and died. :( What could be more devestating than that?? :( I am thinking my problems are so very minor to my coworker's......

Anyway, I hope your trip to SC was wonderful!!! :) You sure deserve a nice get away!!!

Talk to you laters....
Aimee :)


Aimee37 - July 20

Hi Liz!!! :D Hey that is terrific news about your U/S!!! No cysts!!! Yes!!! GREAT!!! Now you can get started o nyuor new cycle!! What a relief!!!! ;) Whew!!! Get busy!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!

Keep me posted on your cycle and your treatment!! I am pulling for ya big time!!!

Actually the weather here is 90 degrees today, a tad cooler. The dogs can stay out a little longer than when it was 100! :) It is much more pleasant than it has been.

I hope you are doing wonderfully and in happy spirits! Sounds like you are! Yes! Hey tomorrow is Friday!! I am so happy, been a super long work week for me!!!!

Talk to you soon!
Aimee :)


Slatka - July 24

HI Everyone! Liz, Aimee, Lila!

Well, I'm back...and now have mountains to unpack. We went first to Long Beach Island for a belated second anniversary celebration at a B&B on the beach (which was wonderful) -- a present from my mom. She's been overwhelmingly supportive through this whole ttc and m/c experience and knows how much it weighs on me. Luckily, my husband and I are always able to talk, but we have to take care to nurture our own relationship so it doesn't get pushed to the side in our pursuit of a baby. Anyway, we rode bikes, walked on the beach, swam, ate out, had a relaxing time. Didn't think about ttc AT ALL -- which is a huge switch for me. I've put a bit of a ban on talking about ttc for this month with my family -- sometimes I think it is TOO much in the forefront of my existence. I fear my mom/friends/other family members see it as ME -- that that is what I am all about right now. And it is....and it isn't.

Then we went to my cousin's wedding in NJ; it is her second marriage and he seems like a great person. SHe has two kids who were the life of the party! Her first pregnancy had to be aborted because of severe chromosomal abnormalities. She is a good 10-12 years older than me; I don't remember that pregnancy loss very well, but it resonates with me now. At the wedding, my cousin's girlfriend (really, she's an honorary wife; they've been together for years and years) came over to me and asked how I was doing. She then told me that she herself had a m/c with her first pregnancy and had to have a D&C; then she went on to have 2 healthy children. I nearly cried with her kindness -- I never knew about her m/c. And my newly married cousin and her sister both took the time to quietly acknowledge that I had had a m/c, without necessarily saying it out loud. You could see it in their eyes, their concern. I was a little sad, thinking about how far along I would've been (You and I have talked about how this still happens to us, Liz), but it was interesting to see myself again in my extended family's eyes. They still think of me as the "youngest" -- the child; almost all of my cousins are older than me. It was nice to feel like I had so much life extending before me, in contrast to the loudly ticking clock of my reproductive life.

Aimee -- how are your doggies in this heat? It was cooler at the shore -- did it cool down around here this weekend? I thought of you when I was biking this weekend, though I am sure I went at an old lady pace compared to you! Let's just say I was touring around. Are you on schedule for September? I keep thinking it is August already, but that is just me jumping ahead like usual, wanting to speed everything up.

Lila -- you see the books we write here; don't worry about long messages! We write them, we love them. I am a diet coke addict; it was the only thing that would get me through teaching 3 seminars back to back! When I started ttc, I worried about the caffeine. My mom is a nurse and she spoke to the nutritionist in her office: a certain amount of caffeine (like under 2 cups of coffee or a can of soda) is just fine, even while pregnant. More than that isn't a good idea. I plan to cut out soda (I don't drink coffee) entirely once I learn I'm pregnant; that's what I did last time. BUT what I really worry about is the aspartame (which you mentioned..or was it you Aimee?). The nutritionist said to use Splenda when possible instead of aspartame, so now I drink diet coke with Splenda, not the other stuff. Splenda is made from natural sugar; aspartame is synthetic -- that's why you should choose Splenda.

I used to smoke in my early twenties, but have been "clean" since Oct. 30, 1999. And last year around New Year's I cut out drinking pretty much entirely for awhile until I realized there was (for me) nothing to be gained by restricting myself from everything. Now, my husband and I have "martini" night on Saturdays where I have about one and a half martinis while we watch a movie. It makes me feel like I am living my normal life, instead of on this monastic, deprived mission to conceive that I can easily put myself in.

And I am so looking forward to my RE visit at the end of August. What you described Lila and what Liz has discussed with me in the past rings true. My OB/GYN is a fine person, but the whole department is waaaaaay too relaxed in its approach to conception. Their motto is "just give it a few more months." They really don't have the interest or skills, it seems to me, in the pre-conception side of pregnancy; they haven't been motivated to help me in any way. In fact, they are resistant to my requests for further testing/further info about my cycles, lab results, etc. Everything is classified as "normal" to them. I guess this would be alright if I were 24 years old, but I'm not. I don't feel like playing the waiting game with them: for them, nothing is at stake, which is not the same for me.

Well, I've enjoyed catching up on the past messages, though I fear I haven't responded as completely as I would like. Oh, well, I'll be on again soon, never fear! Talk to you all -- and take care --



liz - July 25

Hello Slatka, Aimee and Lila -

Aimee - I must apologize for not getting back to you sooner. These past several days have been extremely busy for me. As we get closer to our house building it is getting busier and busier for us. This is a good thing in a sense since it does keep me from obsessing 24/7 about ttc! Who am I kidding I still obsess about it probably 20/7, still I guess it is a little better.

How are you feeling? Everything still on schedule for Sept?

I have my day 9 u/s and bw yesterday. Everything came back good. My estrodiol was 157, which is higher then it was last month and that is what my re was hoping for. He has me on 2 viles of Repronex a day, up from 1 to see if we can get those overies working harder and producing more estrodiol. They said I have 2 follicles on the left and 1 on the right. They are all rather small yet, so we are not sure if all 3 will develope or how it will go. I have a post colital test, u/s and bw tomorrow morning. I should have more info then. I am anxious about his cycle, but mostly I am nervous. I just want, like we all do, to be able to achieve a healthy preg. I feel like my biological clock is ticking in overdrive lately.

Slatka - I think I am going to try to relax more on the "not doing" because I am trying to conceive. I do not drink any caffeine and no drinks. I think I may be a little obsessive, so I am going to try to take it easy on myself. Deep inside I know a little caffeine or a drink will not hurt, but then I am too scared that I could do something wrong. Sometimes I wonder if I am obsessive complulsive. haha.

I have also read that Splenda is ok, aspertame you should avoid. I personally always use Splenda, so its not hard for me in that instance. I try to drink 3 cups of Green Tea a day (caffeine free), I add some Splenda and honey to that. I have heard Green Tea can be helpful while trying to conceive. Again, I try anything if I think it might increase my chances, they say it is good for your mucus.

Well I better run and get to work.

Take care, everyone


Aimee37 - July 25

Hi Slatka -

Slatka- I am glad you had a good time this weekend and it was not as bad as you might have thought. It's nice not to think about TTC. What a stressor that can be. I am so sorry to hear of your friend's m/c. :( How upsetting. Sounds like she is a great mom/wife and wonderful friend.

That's great you got out and went biking, glad you took it easy on the bike vs. doing something wild & crazy like myself. :) Sometimes I wonder about myself....I am always doing rash things. I crave adraline. One day I might not be as lucky and have engraved on my tombstone "RIP Adrenaline Junkie". LOL!

I too keep thinking it is August, jumping ahead as usual. My nurse wants me to call her if I do not have AF by Aug. 3rd. (one month since my HCG was negative) I will end up calling her because I think my period will probably come between Aug. 5-7th. It's long without BCP's, like a 35-40 day cycle. I sure wish my body hurry up and work with my impatience. :)

My nurse told me that I am allowed to go back on my allergy meds as well. I am back on Allegra/Singulair and Albuterol. I swear I thought I was going to wreck this weekend while driving. I sneezed 20 times in one instance while driving to CVS to get some Benadryl. What a miserable weekend.

I did mention the Aspartame or Nutra Sweet. I think I heard as well the Slenda was ok. I am only ingesting Splenda right now. I drink a huge (GREAT BIGGIE) coffee every morning that I get at Dunkin Donuts. I just have to have my wake up beverage!!! I need to cut it out of my diet!! I am addicted!!! Must be equivelant to 3 cups of coffee? ugh!!!

I bet you cannot wait to see your RE at the end of August. Is he/she at the Shady Grove fertility center in Rockville? Do you mind asking who it is?

I hope you have a great day and that you are doing well!! :)


Aimee37 - July 25

Hi Liz :)

Sounds like your cycle is looking wonderfully!! :) That's great Liz!! I am keeping my fingers crossed for you for a BFP!!!! ;D

I have heard that Green Tea is good for fertillity. I am not a tea drinker though. ugh.... I hope it works for you this cycle!!!

I hear ya on the obssesing. I am blessed with OCD. :( Again, I have to ask "Why me?" Oh well...things could be worse.

Good Luck on your house building! I can imagine you have alot of things going on right now. Soon the workers will be in my condo refurnishg my kitchen and bathroom.

I hope everything goes your way Liz! I will continue to keep my fingers crossed for you and DH that this cycle is a winner! :)


Slatka - July 25

Hi Aimee --

Oh, allergies, that's right! I'm glad you can be back on your meds. I used to get major sinus infections/ear infections, awful congestion a few years ago, every few months. I think my smoking was a factor, plus my teaching: I'm around 18-19 year olds who all live together in dorms, who sleep together, drink together, stay up until 4am, and infect each other with all sorts of colds...and infect me! I was a pseudophed junkie (kind of like you adreneline junkie, but with little red pills!). But, over time, that cleared up. Do you have allergies year-round? For me, DC seems to be the worst for allergies and congestion; I didn't feel this bad when I lived in Delaware, for ex.

I hope you get your period soon -- it's that familiar feeling: the sooner it comes, the sooner we can start again and/or be ready for the next round with the doc. As long as it is coming next week sometime, you're roughly on schedule. And that's good.

See, coffee is the one thing I haven't tried! I have a somewhat addictive personality (no surprise there -- never in moderation for me!) -- just never tried it. I've tried other things that shall remain nameless, but the innocent coffee bean has never crossed my lips. I can, though, understand the need for a jolt in the mornings. It becomes a mental and physical habit. It's not all that bad for you if you have a cup or two a day, but that's where they get you: Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts (my aunt's favorite, too), their "cups" are really like quarts; it's the same with sodas, too.

And for Liz, too -- I keep trying to remind myself that babies are conceived in extraordinary circumstances, all the time; not all mothers are strict healthy eaters, with ideal body weight and clear, Zen-like mindsets. That I can help to create a healthy environment conducive to conception, but I cannot do everything. There's a little bit of science and "magic" in there that I cannot control: whether I have that diet coke or not won't make a damn bit of difference. I feel like, if I can just forget about it, it will happen. For you, Aimee, you don't have that luxury (and I don't have the mental strength to do it) because you MUST be involved in the conception process; you can't just let it happen. It's like when you liked someone in high school: the more indifferent you were, the more you pretended to ignore him, the more he was interested in you. When you could care less, guys would fall from the sky. When you really wanted to be with someone, there wouldn't be a decent man for miles. Perhaps it's like that for conception! It falls in with that urban legend: "when we started the adoption process, we got pregnant!" or "when we went away on vacation to forget about it all, we got pregnant!" It's when you aren't looking that things happen. Maybe. I could argue the other side, too. Oh, well.

All I'm saying is that I am trying to be who I am through this process, not turn myself into someone I am not or even someone I do not like, with my obsessions and deprivations and constant ttc focus. Within reason, I am being healthy. I'm not talking about being the wild girl I was when I was 24 (That makes me feel tired just thinking about it! It's a miracle I survived). But I am talking about remaining "me" -- does that make sense? DOn't know.

Well, off to get ready to have a lunch. I will talk to you soon and take care!



Aimee37 - July 25

Hi Slatka-
No I do not suffer from allergies year round, thank golly!! Mostly during Spring time. I am suprised they are hitting hard now. I never had allergies until I lived in Northern VA. Bad sinus headaches and big time congestion. Sorry you had the same experience. How awful it is to suffer form bad allergies. :(

I am sure AF will come in another 2 weeks maybe less. I wish my cycles were more normal but than again I wish for many things. :)

I's amazing that people have babies when they are addicted crack and alcohol and that we are sitting here worried about an extra cup of coffee with splenda or exercising too much. ugh.... I think perhaps we are putting too much thtought and energy into it??? hmmm????

Well...gotta run home for lunch now and let the doggies out. Hope your day is going wonderfully Slatka! :)


Slatka - July 26

Hi Aimee --

I'm expecting a busy day with the fax machine so I'm on early! We have one line in the apt. for phone, internet, and fax so we're frequently out of reach if one thing is on. Well, I'd rather it be a busy day then a slooooowwww boring day.

It's funny how both our allergies (though mine are less severe and more sporadic than yours) only started to rear up when we moved to this area. I know that for me DC is much more humid than I am used to -- perhaps the pollution is worse, too? I grew up in relatively rural NJ, went to college in Delaware (which was small town-y) and then moved to the city here -- and it's here that I began to feel the congestion and awful fullness in my head. The pollen is brutal here: all those cherry blossoms! Damn them.

Well, your cycles ARE normal for you...if they feel normal and you are ovulating regularly. I always thought I had the "normal" 28 day period until I started ttc; then I realized I had a 31-ish day cycle (at times, 33 or 34 days). I just didn't pay that much attention to how long my period cycles were; I just knew they came roughly regularly. So it's relative.

It's hard to know how to approach ttc; it is individual. For me, I know that it is easy to become obsessed and overwhelmed, so I try to short-circuit my worry habit. I think if I am going to spend my energy somewhere, ttc is a good place to do so BUT I have to be careful I don't go overboard. I don't have to limit myself from doing really harmful stuff, like, say, heroin!, or losing 15 pounds so I'm well under 100 lbs, so, my reasoning goes, I should be just fine in my normal mode.

Oh, I'm so tempted to go back to bed, but that's not a possibility! I usually exercise as soon as I get up as that jump-starts my day, but I get out of that habit in the summer when I am not teaching. SO I slog around for awhile.

Anyway, hope you are having a great Wednesday so far! I will check in with you soon --



Aimee37 - July 26

Hi Slatka :) How r ya girl? Sure is hot and humid out today eh? I went home on my lunch hour and it was really thick. Trapper did not mind as he barked at squirrels up in the trees. Peaches ran inside and wanted nuthing to do with the mugginess. ;D

I am very glad I am back on my allergy meds. I was afraid that I would not be able to take them, esp. the Albuterol. Yea when I get allergies, it hits hard and than leaves and than it starts all over again. lol Last year I was pretty lucky and was hardly effected by the outside environment. Three years ago it was really bad. I could hardly run without wheezing and I was runing 6 minute iles on my long runs. I was like "What the hell is wrong with me??" I went to the Allergy Care center here in Vienna and they pricked my back loike 25 times and I had allergic welts all over my back. The nurses were in shcol when they saw my back! :o I am allergic to many things even peanuts. No more peanuts for me! Yea you are sooo right....there is something in the NOVA/Dc area
that is disagreeable with alot of people!!! :(

Yes, I feel that I am ovualting but it takes longer for me to ovulate. Always has been the case with me. I am a it retarded in the cyclic area but other than than I am a good responder with the help of BCP's and ovarian stimulants. :) I still have good ovarian reserve. i saw your post to Dr. Smith or Jacob and your shot lutuel phase cycle that you posted today. So you think your periods are coming 2 days faster than normal? I hope it is not a common occurence but something you should get look at. Do you mind me asking who your RE is at SG?

I am trying as well not too read too much into TTC because it could cause more greif than I want. I think I have gained some worries from googling on the web. I need to stop doing so much research and learn to just relax and go with it. I am just a very curious person and I cannot help myself. I have learned alot from the web and researching that in some cases it has done me some good. I do need to stop the obsession and worries. I do have OCD with obsessional worrying and it is pretty self destructive. I am alot better than I have been.

That's right it is Summer break and you have a long break? When do you go back to school to teach? Sometime in August? I hope you are thoroughly enjoying your time off!!! :)

Well, better get back to work! Enjoy the rest of your day!!

Talk to ya laters....


Slatka - July 26

Hi Aimee --

I keep forgetting to tell you about the RE. I haven't met him yet -- it is Dr. Sagoskin (I think I spelled that right) at the Rockville Shady Grove Center. Male or female didn't really matter to me and he was available on that date, so he's the one.

My big issue, besides the obvious one of not actually getting pregnant, is this possible luteal phase defect. I've read that it happens to most women maybe once or twice a year, no big deal. It's a problem when it regularly occurs, and that's what I'm afraid is happening with me. Since I've been using an ovulation predictor kit (which is very accurate at detecting the lutenizing hormone in the urine), I've been able to say with more certainty that I am ovulating "late" around CD 17 or so; this in itself isn't a huge problem, its that my body then doesn't take the necessary 14 days to get to menstruation... in other words, a short luteal phase and an earlier period. It means that the egg, if fertilized, does not have enough time or hormone build-up to implant and grow. It gets washed away. So that's the concern. I'm going to show all my charts of my cycles to the RE and see what he says. Meanwhile, I want to do what I can on my own, within reason.

I totally know what you mean about being internet/Google addicted. I teach students to research online using library databases so I'm a good searcher and pretty good evaluator of sources/sites. This is bad, bad, bad for me on my own, as I just search the hell out of any symptom I get. It IS valuable in that I found this forum that way, and I've educated myself on Luteal Phase Defect, but, like you say, it can get crazy.

Wish we could all get together, a small group of us from here, and just go somewhere and forget about ttc. Not take time off from it or stop whatever protocols we're in, but just be away from the temptation to obsess!

Your excellent health (besides the allergies!!!) and how you exercise and keep yourself healthy is a major benefit for you ttc now. I've thought this before, but get sidetracked. Though it hasn't been easy for you so far, and the m/c was horrible, in the end it will probably be "relatively" easy for you to get pregnant because of your body. It will be terrifying for all of us who have miscarried to be pregnant again, worrying about another m/c, but with doctors watching us all the way (I was scheduled for my first dr. appt. a few days after I miscarried so I hadn't even seen her yet) and some luck, we will be fine.

Well, with possibly moving to Annapolis, my teaching is on a break for awhile; I hope to get back to it soon. I taught in the city here at American University -- it will be too far to commute and, to be frank, the pay was awful for what we all did there. When my husband, then my boyfriend, came to the US from Canada several years ago he couldn't work (no visa), so I was the household breadwinner for about 4 years. So now the roles are reversed for awhile as he has a great engineering job in Landover, MD. I don't like the idea of being a housewife -- it would be different if I had kids to take care of -- I'm too restless and there's things I want to do outside the home! But for now, esp. if we get that house, it's good for me to be here to handle things.

Ugh. I think I have to turn on the other air conditioner! The humidity is back! Take care of yourself and I'll talk to you soon -



Aimee37 - July 26

Hi Slatka! :) The boss is away today so I am somewhat playing a bit. lol!!

OK... Dr. Sagoskin is a REALLY good RE!!! I have heard so many good things about him!! You are in good hands!!! :) You are a lucky girl!!

You know I have also wondered if I have a defect too and if that could have been the reason I m/c? I might be ovulating late and getting my period faster than 14 days? ??? The ovulator kits refuse to work for me. I have heard those kits test postive for a whole week before and after you ovulate and they are not really credible as to the exact date that you ovulate. I am worried that my m/c could be due to something going wrong with me and my cycle? It could be a possibliity. My RE is not going to test and find out why and is not giving me meds for extra precautions. She thinks everything is fine with me. I think she might be blinded.
I really do not trust her. Long story.

Yes, I understand yuor restlessness and being just a housewife. I think I would go nuts. lol!!! With alot of gals it suits them just fine!!! I will probably always work and hire daycare to take care of my child (if that ever happens!) and continue to work. I hope one day to find the man of my dreams, living the solo life is pretty depressing. Heck...I did not want it to come to this and TTC on my own. It was my last resort. If I waited longer to have a child it might just never happen and I am not going to risk that. It is now or never.

I am about to leave the office soon. Worked a hard day! LOL!!! Whew! I hope you enjoy the rest of your day Slatka! If you ever want to shoot me an email, this is my email- [email protected]

Chat withcha laters!!! :)


Lila - July 26

Hi Aimee, Slatka, Liz. Hope you are all doing OK. Sorry I have been slow to get back on the thread with all the craziness in the Middle East I have been glued to CNN and ignoring my computer. It is so sad to me to watch what is happening – Beirut was such an amazing city 30 years ago and since 2004 it really was beginning to rebuild itself and to see that all destroyed again is so sad. Sorry I know politics can be a dangerous topic but I figured it might be OK if we throw in some non TTC topics as a way to get our minds off all the other issues and problems.
I am also late getting back into the posts since I was out of town for 5 days and had lots of posts to catch up on. I am so glad you all are such great writers and do not mind the “mini books”. My DH and I went for an “escape” mini vacation which was perfect. Charleston is a beautiful city and the shopping is unbelievable. I am an interior designer and had a couple projects that needed antiques so it was a very productive trip. My DH loves that I can get my shopping fix accomplished with client’s money. We also had a great time on the beach and visiting some of the historical sites. Slatka it sounds like you also had a good weekend away? Your friends and family sound very supportive.
Liz: I was reading about your upcoming plans for the new house – that is amazing! It must be a wonderful thing to be able to build your own house, your DH sounds really gifted. My DH is also an engineer by education (though he does software sales now) but I think that would be way past his abilities. Actually we recently finished gutting our house. It took twice as long (and of course cost twice as much) as expected. Since I work with so many contractors all the time I actually acted as the GC for our house – it was great to have so much control over the project. The biggest complaint I hear from clients is how helpless they feel in their relationships with builders so it is great you will be able to do away with that problem. Especially since “feeling helpless” with regard to the ttc issues can really be overwhelming. We had a great time doing our home and are more than thrilled with the results and I am sure you will also have a great experience.
I am glad all you tests seem to be coming back positive and YEA, No cysts! – I am sure that means this could be a great cycle for you. Then you can have fun and enjoy planning your nursery while you build your home! I know you had a test scheduled for this morning, and I hope it went well. I have to admit I was always scared my OB was going to suggest that test and I really feared it. Congrats on being able to rise above the pressure – the things we are asked to do in this process is sometimes unbelievable to me.
Slatka: How goes your house hunting? I think I read you had put an offer on a house in Annapolis and were in negotiations with the owner – any progress? Annapolis is so beautiful – best of luck. If possible I have a question for you/your nurse mother – I have been trying to switch from diet sodas to green tea and in reading different threads on this site some say green tea is good while others argue against it. Very confusing do you know which is correct or is it possible your mom can ask her friend. I’d appreciate any advice I would hate to switch to green tea and then find out it is very bad to take while trying to conceive. Thanks
I was reading about what you were saying about trying to figure out your life once you moved out of the city and left AU. I kind of happened by accident into my job 10 years ago. At first I thought it could be a fun diversion (at the time I worked in politics and was trying to save some money for law school). One thing led to another and then I got married and I kept thinking being able to work for yourself really is a great gig, especially if you have kids, so I just sort of let things float along and happen. Now not knowing how the whole baby thing will work out I find myself asking if I made the right career choices. It is interesting the questions you start asking about everything (yourself, DH, family, friends, work, life in general) when you are in the vortex of all the ttc issues. My point in all this was if you all do move and you find yourself looking for new opportunities try to keep as many options open as possible. It may be a stupid idea, since I do not know you that well, but you really are a very nice writer and with your background you probably could write a great book. Just a thought but I am sure there is more than enough characters and material on this site to write a very funny (but also poignant) story about women on the edge … of pregnancy, a nervous breakdown, finding a great friend, etc - well you get the idea. It just seems interesting to me what can happen to and for a bunch of strangers on a website helping each other through such a trying point in their lives.
Anyway I am glad you have an appointment with an RE later this month, hopefully you will not need it but in case you do I am sure you will feel better with a specialist giving new insight into your situation. Doesn’t Shady Grove have a fertility center in Annapolis? Did you think about going there if you are moving that way or while you live in DC is it just too far? Deciding which clinic to go to can really be difficult, but I guess I should be grateful to live in an area that can offer several excellent choices and not complain about having to choose. I have to admit I only did a little research in selecting my RE - since he was the one my OB recommended as well as a few friends, and most important he was “in network” for insurance so I just went with him.
Aimee: Sorry to hear about the allergies. Hope you are feeling better. I used to be amazed how many people I heard who moved to DC and developed allergies but I guess that is what happens when you build a city on a swamp! I used to think maybe my asthma and allergies were caused by damage done while living in LA. I lived there for 5 years and in a part of town where the smog was the worse. One year I remember we had 15 Code Red days in a row – I kept thinking it really can not be good to breathe this air every day. On top of that this was back when they were having all sorts of problems with the Fruit Fly so they would spray the whole city from planes once a week. They would make announcements that this was perfectly safe for people BUT you had to cover your car up because what they sprayed would eat the paint right off your car. How could that be safe to breath? Oh well.
I was curious – you said your RE nurse said to call if no AF in 30 days – is there any thing they can do to speed things along? I also (except with clomid) tend towards long cycles. It can be very frustrating – If AF has to come why can’t it be on time? Is that so much to ask of her? It seems either I am waiting to start next cycle and no sign of her, or I am in 2WW and since there is no sign I think maybe I am pregnant and thus do stupid things like taking daily HPT (and those buggers are not cheap) but of course all are negative and finally she shows up often as late as yours so if you have heard any ideas on how to make more regular would appreciate any tips.
Hope you are keeping your biking trips with in reason. Where exactly was your accident. I have been trying to work with Congressman Wolf’s office and some other Fairfax County offices on how unsafe Chain Bridge Road is down near Chain Bridge. This is the only way to connect to the canal bike path and the Capitol Crescent Trail from this part of VA and it is basically taking your life in your hands to get down that hill without being hit by a car. Do you know the part I am talking about? I really wish they had a sidewalk there. Have your headache’s subsided? I went to the Train concert at Wolf Trap on Monday night and a woman tripped and fell on me and we hit head to head. I have a huge bump on my head and the headache lasted for 24 hours. Not as bad as your accident but my headache did make me think of you.
OK I just realized this is way too long so I am going to stop and go walk my dog – hope all of you have a good night.
Wait I do have one more question – vitamins. My old OB (years ago when we briefly were TTTC right after we got married) put me on prescription pre-natals. My current OB-GYN did not she said the over the counters were fine. I am driving myself crazy trying to figure one which one is the best. In the past 18 months I thing I have tried about 4 different brands. Are any of you doing over the counter or are you doing prescription? If over the counter what brands do you all like? I really liked the Whole Foods one for what they had in it but you had to take three and they were huge, made me gag all the time and tasted like seaweed YUCK. Now that being a baby about drugs and meds is really no longer an option I am thinking of going back to that but thought I would ask if anybody had others they like. Slatka I was reading on the other thread that you had done a lot of vitamin research so I was wondering if you had turned up anything useful you could share?
Thanks again


Slatka - July 26

Hi Lila --

Well, everyone needs a vacation now and then, especially us! I'm glad Charleston was great. When I was about 17, I went on a teenage Spring Break rampage with my best friend in her dad's Cutless Sierra (gunmetal gray, about 70 feet long) through Savannah, GA -- I know it's not the same city at all, but some cities in the South, Savannah, Charleston, Richmond, all have the same flavor to me, conjure up similar images of hot afternoons, lace parasols, planations. Very Scarlett O'Hara.

I appreciate the compliment re: writing. I've taught it for so long -- perhaps too long -- and that sometimes takes the joy out of it. Dissecting a thing sometimes kills the magic of that thing -- but sometimes it enhances it. You know, like when you overanalyze a movie or a text -- sometimes you see meanings you never would've thought of superficially; sometimes you pick it apart and kill it dead. I am taking a break from teaching at the moment; perhaps it is the time to re-discover my own writing, instead of students'! You don't know how nice it is to read without a pen in one's hand! I LOVE not having to grade every book I read! Ah, the life of an academic....Seriously, there is a story in all this, in all of us. I may not be the one to write it, but, in any event, we have to believe we are creating something of real meaning here. This forum, our relationships together have created something new and real. The volumes we have written! The deep concerns and feelings we've chosen to be brave enough to expose...

I'm hooked into Shady Grove at Rockville, because it had an opening earliest and was relatively convenient; when I made the appt., I wasn't sure about the Annapolis move (still aren't sure as we're still waiting), so I went with that one. I see them Aug. 25, so we'll see about shifting around after that.

Once we are settled (um. wherever that may be), I am going to venture out of teaching. Into what, I have no idea. I have skills, but no skills, if that makes sense. On paper, I have a BA in Lit., an MA in Literature, post-graduate work in Teaching of Writing, 7 years in the university....and I worked at a yogurt store when I was 16! I mean, all I've ever done is write, read, analyze, write some more, and teach. What the hell do I do with that, if I choose not to teach? It's an exciting time, and, as you say, a time of questioning -- but the questioning can be a positive, it can be a moment of change for me. I just have to be brave and creative. Oh, yeah, easy.

Vitamins: I take B6 (around 150mg) and Vitamin C (around 750mg through tablet and food) and a prenatal from Fresh Fields/WHole Foods, like you do. The B6 and C are for a possible Luteal Phase Defect and the prenatal is called SImply One. It's one pill a day and it is easy on my stomach; it has all the good stuff: folic acid, etc. I will ask my mom re: green tea, but I believe I read it is beneficial. Ask Liz about this; I think she drinks it. I, too, am cutting down on the diet coke to a few "treats" a week; I just make sure I use the Splenda kind.

Well, I'm off to sleep -- the humidity tires me out. I meant to write back to Aimee and Liz tonight, but I'm just tired! I'm so lame. I will be leaving for Toronto from Thurs. afternoon until Monday morning, so I will check in tomorrow, but will be away for the weekend. You went South; I go North -- let's hope there is less humidity there!

Good to hear from you, Lila. Take care --



Slatka - July 27

Hi Aimee --

I'm glad Dr. Sagoskin is a good one! The appt. nurse just read out who was available at that Center and I just went with him. I'm just looking for someone who is knowledgeable and who will listen to me.

It sounds like you're in a little bit of a clash with your RE...they SHOULD be monitoring all that kind of stuff, your endometrial lining thickness, your progesterone levels. If they have been and that checks out ok, you should be fine. BUT of course you want to be sure and pursue your concerns -- ask her about LPD and if there is a possibility you have it. I did read a study of women who run (specifically, run, not just exercise), who were in their mid-thirties, and the incidence of Luteal Phase Defect. It was relatively (in comparison to the sedentary group) high, BUT was improved when the exercise was lessened. It has to do with the stress on the body, caloric intake v. expenditure and hormones; so it's correctible. Since you had ammenorrhea, this may be a signal about how your body is responding to exercise. But this is all a "perhaps" -- might be worth talking to your RE about as a potential concern. SInce you are bypassing the whole intercourse route, that may cancel out some of the difficulty women with LPD have in actually conceiving, but its the later stages we need to be concerned about as well.

It would be tough to switch REs mid-stream, I know. Maybe it's time for a heart-to-heart with her or, actually, a change to another doc within the practice. Or stick with her through this next procedure, monitoring her carefully and being a "pushy broad" about what you want and are concerned about (my aunt is a famous pushy broad -- we used to call her the Cruise Director because she is so assertively in charge of all family activities!).

The ov. predictor kits I have used seem to work for me. They test for the increased presence of luteinizing hormone in the urine. YOu'll see the test strip darken when it is first detected (for me, around CD15 or 16); this tells you you will ovulate in 24-48 hours (depending on the test; some tests say 24-36 hours). For me, the test strip then remains dark for the next two days or so, then goes away. This tells me I've gone through the ovulation cycle. I've never had it be dark for a week. I just guess the exact date of ov. as, roughly, the second day (hence, the middle day of the 3 days). It's not exact to the hour, really, but it gives a good target area for intercourse. And for you, it could give you an idea of when you are ovulating in general, versus when you get your period. In other words, are you ovulating Day 20 and getting your period Day 34 (which would be a normal Luteal Phase, 14 days)? Or are you ovulating Day 23 or 24 and getting your period Day 34, which is a short phase? I'm not sure how being on BCP would affect this....

Thanks for your email; I'm putting it in my address book. I will probably shoot you an email when I return from Toronto Monday or so. I'd like to hear about your ideas about the man of your dreams! But, if you want, we can do that over email! I will be on here to say 'bye" and check in around lunchtime today, then I'm off to the Metro! We're flying out of BWI and I have to do several twists and turns to get there -- lots of fun in 95 degree weather!

Anyway, I will chat with you soon -- stay cool. I'll miss talking with you over the weekend. DOn't run to hard in the heat and take care of yourself. Remember, that is the program in preparation for Sept.!




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