Hi Aimee --
I know what you mean about the trip to Corolla: it sounds like you have two reasons for not going this time, physical and emotional. You're right, some of the physical reasons are a bit confusing for me (stimming?), but I get the gist of it. They use the BCpills to keep you on a regular cycle, I take it? So they can better control the timing?
The emotional reason for not going I get only too well. Though my brother has no kids yet (and I can't imagine that really happening anyway!), I know, I feel some of my family watching and wondering if I am pregnant, when I will get pregnant (because, you know, I'm "old" -- a lot of my cousins have children and, though they are older than me, they had their children in their twenties). Or there's the pity factor from my m/c. I just don't want to talk about it, don't want it to be an issue. I have a family wedding to go to this weekend that I do not want to attend; I love the bride, it's not that. It's that I would've been 6 months along with my pregnancy at this wedding; I remember calculating that out when I was pregnant in February. It's just a reminder, I guess.
And -- see how much I can relate?! -- we're going up to Toronto next weekend (July 27/30) where I will hang out with a friend who was married a few months before me and who has a one and a half year old little boy. I think, that could've been me. Then, why wasn't it? I love her, but just don't want to see her, really; I have a feeling she wants to get pregnant again soon. Arggg.
You're a bit of a mix, too, but they sort of go together, nationally! I'm Scotch-Irish (my name, Meredith, means "gift from the sea" or "protector of the sea" in Gaelic, I believe) (we actually moved from Scotland TO Ireland during the potato famine -- really smart!), Swedish, Polish and Hungarian. All of them love a good drink and are prone to brooding, occasional melancholy, love revolutions and can be fierce. A pretty neat mosaic of culture, all in all.
So how did you choose your donor? I know this is personal....Will you let him meet your child some day? What did you look for?
I wondered about the weight issue with conception, as well as activity level. My periods are pretty regular, not totally like clockwork, but usually 30-31 days. Since ttc post-m/c I've cut down my exercise a bit, as my OB recommended I not be too strenuous. I'm 113 at 5'5" and have been told that I could use a few pounds, though I am not drastically underweight. Your period history sounds tough -- you had long stretches without your cycle -- I'm glad everything worked out ok and your body was able to recover a regular pattern. You must be in excellent health!
Yeah, I know what you mean about the therapist; I get that feeling, too. I know what to do, how to change my behavior or thinking, all about healthy distractions, I know how, for example, my relationship with my dad affected my choices as a young woman, I know how my stress and anxiety may be inhibiting conception, etc., etc. I would be surprised, in fact, if a therapist had anything new to tell you.
BUT it might be helpful in a cathartic way. Only your dad knows what you are going through in ttc, right? ANd we do on this forum. When I write to you like now, I'm sitting in my apt., looking out the window, watching some guy hit golf balls in the common area and thinking that I am talking to you. It is close, but we are not sitting across the table from each other, having a coffee (or in my case, a diet coke) and really seeing each other -- does that make sense? Sometimes, you need to be with someone in person, in this case, a trained therapist or a women's support group or a church group, face to face.
Now, all that said, it would be a tough step for me to take. I am not a great group person, mostly because I find I'm not always good at taking turns and sharing (that impatience thing again!). Maybe it's because I'm a teacher that I feel I have to be in charge, and then I find myself helping everyone else and organizing everyone else that I, myself, don't get what I may need. Or maybe I'm just too independent and not as communal as I would like to be.
You need to take care of your mind, however you want to do it. I have to tell you, I wish you were in the next apartment and could just step over to chat (you could even bring the Shelties -- I have a lint roller!!). But our conversation on here is excellent and I really appreciate it as well.
Time to water the plants -- it gets so hot in here by the windows I think they are tempted to jump out, just to end the torture!
Talk to you soon --