Sad and don't know what to do next
16 Replies
clg - January 3

I just had a miscarriage on New Years Eve and haven't been able to stop crying. I went back to work today and I feel like someone died. I'm sure the pain will go away, but I just don't know what to do next. We've been trying for almost 3 years, have had 3 IUI's and 4 IVF's and 2 miscarriages. I am going to a very highly respected doctor who I trust and like, but I am wondering if it is time to go to another clinic or if we should stick with the same doctor. Was wondering if anyone is or has been in my situation and what and how they decided what to do.

 

sara1221 - January 4

I am so sorry for your loss. I have had 3 miscarriages and they don't get easier. It is good that you have a doctor that you like and trust. I do not and have switched doctors many times due to their offices practices regarding self pay patients. Has your doctor done any blood tests since your miscarriages? I would think that would be the next step for you to make sure you do not have any irregularities in your blood/hormones. Just remember you are in charge of your health care and just because someone is a doctor, does not mean they are always right. If you want something, stand your ground and demand it. We are paying for the treatments and we have a say in our care/future. Hope this helps.

Sara

 

clg - January 4

Yes, this one isn't any easier than the first for me either. I was wondering what type of blood tests you've had? I had heard about an immunological workup and asked my dr about it, but he didn't feel that was the problem. I ended up getting some of the preliminary blood work for that, but not the full workup. Are there any other blood tests you know of?

 

bdantonio - January 4

clg: I have been doing fertility off and on for 5 years. I have gotten bfp 7 times and lost 5. I have one child who is 3 and im 33 weeks. M/c never gets easy. How far have you made it? What drugs do they put you on once you are pg? I have had the immunological tests, I have had blood clotting disorder tests, and thyrroid tests everything is normal. I have unexplained infertility and unexplained m/c's. I have been to 2 different dr. My first one i felt just got me pg and never tried to find out why i had problems. My last re did everything. I even had exploratroy hysteroscopy and laperoscopy. She was determined to find a reason however never did. I recenently had one of the best on the east coast but she found no reason. However if you feel that your dr is not doing all and everything he can switch do some research find another. I personally am a research bug i dont take any of the meds they give me or anything before i know every study and everything that can be known about the drug. My RE ue to tell me i knew more about the drug then her. If you want to share a little about your story and meds maybe i can give you a little more advise. Or if you just want to vent im here for that too, I know the feeling. If you want to talk but not on the forum you can e-mail me [email protected]

 

lyly14 - January 8

Clg- I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You feel like someone died because someone did, your baby. It is perfectly natural to feel the way you do, so don't be hard on yourself. You just need to allow yourself time to grieve. My last m/c was at 11 weeks, the baby's heart just stopped beating. It was so hard to deal with after numerous sonos with good heart rates, so I understand your pain. All I did was cry and it took a long time to get to where I am today. It will be 2 yrs in March and I still get sad sometimes, but it does get better. I am high risk for m/c and I knew that before this last pg. I had tested positive for antiphospholipid antibodies, anticaridiolipin antibodies and beta2 glycoproteins some time after I had my dd 9 yrs ago and had complications. During the first trimester of my last pg my ob sent me to a perinatologist who ordered a full hematological work-up. They can check you for factor deficiencies, protein deficiencies, lupus anticoagulant, anti- thrombins, and genetic mutations like MTHFR which all put you at risk for m/c. I hope this helps. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask.
Lyly

 

Wesleysmom - January 9

Hello. I thought I would post here because it was confirmed yesterday that our little embryo stopped growing around 6 weeks-after we saw the heartbeat. Although I have not had repeated m/cs, my pregnancy with my son was a twin pregnancy and we lost one of the embryos early on-I think around 8 weeks.

I had a hunch that things weren't working out this time because I lost all of my pregnancy symptoms-nausea, hunger (sometimes at the same time!) being tired...

Dh & I cried several times. But now I'm ready to move on. I've opted for a d&c on Friday because I don't think I can bear enduring the m/c emotionally. I think I would have to cry all over again. I'm ready to start again with the frozen embies we have. Also, there going to do the genetics testing after the d&c just to make sure. My infertility is because of blocked tubes, so we don't anticipate any problems, but I guess you never know.

I'm pretty decided about having the d&c, but I still welcome any thoughts on opting out of it.

Clg, are you feeling better? I hope so. Lyly, how far along are you?

Take care everyone.

 

Arabsrcool - January 9

Wesleysmom,

I am so sorry to hear about your embie. After everything you went through to get pg and then this. I'm glad your feeling able to move ahead with frozen embie's, keep positive thoughts!

I would say go ahead with the d&c. I had one after my miscarriage after having to pull teeth from my regular doc to get a referral. Reg. doc wanted "nature to take care of it". Ended up getting referral and ob/gyn doc indicated that I wouldn't have passed everything naturally and would have probably ended up with an infection. It was also easier emotionally because it was over and I didn't have the constant reminder of bleeding (which can last a long time from what I understand)

Take care.

 

clg - January 9

I am doing OK. I was going to have a D&C this week, but then I started bleeding, so I am going to see how things look on Monday. I think I would have rather gone the D&C route at this point. It's hard physically and emotionally.

We are also going to go ahead with our frozen embryos, but I am going to get some more blood work done to make sure other factors aren't getting in the way.

 

Wesleysmom - January 9

Thanks, Arabs. What a nightmare. I'm so glad that my insurance is so good & covers whatever I need (& sometimes just want) to do. My RE (my favorite in the practive at the infertility clinic) is going to do the d&c. She is very sweet & sympathetic when she has to tell you bad news. She said if it were her, should would definitely have the d&c. The nurse, too. So how long did you bleed after the d&c? Days? Weeks? Like I said, I'm just ready for this to be over.

Clg, You seem like you are doing much better than before. I really hope you get through this soon & you're able to heal. How many frozen embryos to you have? See, we might be doing this thing again around the same time!!

 

bdantonio - January 9

I bleed for about 4 days after my d&c.

 

smart - January 9

Hello wesleysmum and clg,
firstly i am so sorry for what you are going through and send you both heart felt hugs.
I had a missed m/c and opted for a medical management (where by you take a tablet to expel feotus from womb). On reflection my DH wishes i had opted for the D and C but i still feel the medical management was the right choice. However it was physically and emotionally draining. The contractions were very painful and had to go to hospital in the end as was weak as feotus passed, through then stayed in hospital over night (i was 8wks5days but baby precious heart had stopped at 6weeks).
It is a difficult decision to make but has to be a personal one for each individual. I have friends who have had a D and C who say that was the right decision for them.
Takecare, sending you both healing thoughts
wenXXX.

 

Arabsrcool - January 9

wesleysmom,

I bled for a couple days, then felt pretty normal (pretty much like AF bleeding). Just used normal pads (which my dh had to buy because I didn't realized I didn't have any in the cabinet.) dh and I went to dinner with friends the night after I had it done, just to keep my mind occupied. I just remember walking gingerly because things were a little tender when you walk. Take it easy after d/c and things will be back to normal pretty quick physically. Mentally however, it may take awhile and remember, its ok to cry and grieve, even after everyone else seems to be back to business as usual. Good luck, I will keep you in my prayers.

 

bdantonio - January 10

i had one d&c and 4 natural m/c where i refused medical intervention. I think getting oer a d&c physically is easier.

 

clg - January 10

Wesleysmom,

How are you feeling. I am feeling a bit better each day. We have 5 frozen blastocysts that we will be thawing at my next cycle. I'm not sure when that will be, as I am still bleeding from the m/c and then my doctor said it could take 4-6 weeks to get my next period. (Maybe mid Feb/early march. Do you know when you will be going through your next attempt? How long does it take to get results from the genetic testing?

 

Wesleysmom - January 10

Clg, It's good to hear from you & I'm glad you are starting to feel better. I did a fresh IVF cycle in September & had a very low positive that faded 4 days later. We had six 5-day embryos to freeze after the fresh cycle, and we transferred 2 on 11/30 and now here I am. How many are you going to transfer? My d&c is tomorrow, so I guess depending on how long it takes for AF to start again, I may also be starting again in that time frame. Maybe will be on the 2ww together! I don't know how long it takes to get the results from genetic testing, but I will ask tomorrow.

 

lyly14 - January 18

Wesleysmom- I was 11 weeks when I miscarried the last time. I had a d&c which my ob insisted. I was so devestated from the news I didn't have time to think, so I just had it done. I am sure most of the time it is the best way to go, but for me it was a nightmare. They didn't get it all and I ended up miscarrying naturally on my own less than a week later. It was horrifying to have to go through it twice. I would have to say if that didn't happen I would have preffered the d & c over natural. It is tough either way. Right now we have not been able to get pg since that m/c in march of 2006. We are doing our first IVF with ICSI right now. I am on day 4 of my stims with my estimated ER on 1/25/08.

To all of those who have gone through miscarriages (single or multiple) my heart goes out to you. Its never easy to lose a little one but you will get through it.

 

Wesleysmom - January 18

Hello everyone! I hope you've been doing well over the last few days.

Clg, how are you feeling? I hope you are starting to feel much better & thinking about the next step. I am most of the time, but of course the sad moments always come. I was just reading over the last few mosts before the website was down... I asked after the d&c last week about the time for genetic testing of the embryo. It takes about 3 weeks. Have you heard anything yet?

Lyly, best of luck with the IVF. Keep us posted, although you may want to move over to the 2ww page!!

Any updates with everyone else?

By the way, my d&c was one week ago today. I stopped bleeding by the end of the day & felt 100% fine on Saturday. I was thinking, Wow this is going to be a walk in the park (physically, anyway...). Well then Sunday, I started bleeding & cramping although the bleeding was only moderate & the cramping mild. Finally today the bleeding is slacking off. Yuck...

Take care.

 

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