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Hello Tracy -

I am not on day 1, I am on day 4. Can I still join your cycle group? :)

I missed you, with all the postive news on the other tread we seemed to slip through the cracks. I was thinking about you, hoping all is well.

How are you feeling? I am ok! I had a baseline us today to check for cysts. Fortunatly I am cleared to get back on the roller coaster ride tomorrow. I will be starting my Repronex again, this time 2 viles a day instead of 1.

Take care,
Liz

Right, fell right thru the crack with all the BFP over there! Had to get off the 2ww thread as a way to regroup and really remember I am starting over, again! I had been reading your threads (little books) on another thread but did not want to interrupt! I had been keeping up with you there!

Glad you got the okay, no cysts! That's super! Full speed ahead! Since I do have the cysts, I will continue to chart, temp and I'm going to do the OPK's this month. I don't recall them working in the past, but figured since I won't be on clomid, I had to take some control into my own hands! As if I have control...HA HA! I wish! Anyway, this will be month one or probably two that we will be on our own. We will be going on vacation (much needed) as my next cycle is beginning, so we will have to wait to get back in with the RE when we get back. I'm okay with it. Do I have a choice?? LOL! Anyway, I also have another prescription for Clomid I can take for the next cycle, but then if I do, when I go back to the RE and he does my baseline and the cysts are there, again, I will be mad at myself! I am really thinking that I may go the injectible route, pending the outcome of DH's SPA. We'll see. I will be needing your support and expertise then! If if comes back negatively, then I don't know. We haven't talked about that yet, because it was never an issue before. All SA's that we had done in the past were fine, which pointed the finger, so to speak, at me. Too much to think about. It's a waiting game at this point, nothing to even discuss until after we get back from NC.

But I am feeling fine, the usually cramping and stuff. Some weird (TMI) things, but I am attributing that to the clomid, especially since I had never before been on 150mg. I am glad you are here for me, you really have a way with words and I enjoy your posts! Thanks for joining me! Hopefully our turn will come soon as well, it has to, right? Sometimes I feel like a child, and I don't like waiting my turn anymore! I want my turn now! Well, I'm going to go get DS settled down and ready for bed! Thank goodness I have him! Really!

Thanks again,
Tracy

Good Morning Tracy,

Good to hear from you! Yes, I seem to have a bit of trouble when it comes to my posts. It seems no matter how hard I try they end up being little books. :) Oh well I guess you can say I love to talk. Please feel free to jump in anytime, it is always great to hear from you.

I know you are feeling a bit frustrated with the cysts. I went through that back in June, it stinks to say the least. If you don't mind me giving you some advice... I would not take the Clomid this month, I know you want to (I would too), but honestly the worst thing for the cysts right now would be the Clomid. I don't know if you remember my story of beginning Clomid without a baseline u/s. If you did I am sorry for repeating, if not hopfully it may help you. Anyway, I begain the Clomid on day 5, on day 9 I went in for my us only to find out that I had already olvuated. After speaking to the re he told me that he believed I had cysts. I am not sure exactly how all that works, for me it was a wasted cycle. I spent the money on the Clomid, which I took for 5 days only to find out I ovulated to early and had no chance of preg.

I know it seems like an eternity to wait for the next appt., it is worthwile I am sure. Your body needs time to heal from the cysts especially since you have no idea how long you have had them. Did the doc give you any idea as to how large they are? My re told me that usually when you get cysts from Clomid or other fertility meds you only have to wait 1 cycle out and then you should be given the gree light.

When are you leaving for vacation? That is great. I was never in Charleston, my husband was there for work and told me how much I would love it. Someday.

The waiting game stinks. I can 100% relate. After my mc in Dec all I did was wait for 4 months. Test after test I felt like a lab rat! Finally in May I was given the go ahead to begin Clomid. Then the nightmare in June and had to wait out that cycle, then I moved on to July and really thought it could be the one and nope it sure wasen't. This whole process is nothing much more then waiting and keeping the faith.

I will always be here! If you ever have any questions I may be able to answer please feel free to ask, I am willing to share any experience I may have with you.

I must run - Talk to you soon
Take care
Liz

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRACY

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MAY YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY

Thanks so much Liz! I am going to have a great day!

I do enjoy your books, I really do! I was not going to do the clomid this month, but next, maybe. I don't know, maybe not. I don't want to have the cyst problem again, but it's the whole control thing. I just feel like I have to be doing something! Maybe the temping and charting and OPK's will be enough....and maybe I won't even want to be bothered when I am on vacation. That would be nice, but I'm addicted to it already. I have recently quit smoking, yet again, so I guess I have to have something to obsess over and charting my temps is it right now! Plus coming here and reading and writing!

We leave for vacation on the 18th of August. We rent a house on the beach every summer with my dad's side of the family. This year there will be 12 of us, last year was 10, the year before was 18. But it's a good time, great to just relax and hang on the beach every day. My grandfather lives in NC, so it's a nice middle ground for the family to meet and visit with him as well! So, I am looking forward to it! Too bad my next AF will be due around that time, so I will probably be taking her with me! UGH!

Thanks again for the birthday wishes, I hope you have a great day as well! I will talk to you later!

Tracy

Hi Tracy,

I hope you are having a very happy birthday! Enjoying yourself some!

Wow that is pretty awesome with your vacation. I bet you have a lot of fun. I love my family dearly, but I am not sure I could handle "all" of them at once for a week. Maybe af will take a vacation too without you! That would be really nice of her.

I will be on a little vacation for the weekend of Aug. 18 as well. My dh and I have been doing a camping trip for his work for 4 years now. We go to a lake called Lake Raystown in PA. It is quite a good time, always look forward to it. This year is a bit harder on me since we are not getting our boat out (we are breaking ground on our house Aug. 21), so I am not sure how a weekend at the lake without a boat will be. Other people do have boats, but then again if God willing I could be pg and then would't be able to go on the boats. Oh, well we shall see. I can already tell I am trying to plan my timing again. ugh, why is it so hard not to do that.

I received your private message the last night. I had sent one to you the other night because I wasen't sure where to put it on here. I was concerned about how you were doing.

When do you go back to the re? Did he give you any idea as to what he was thinking about which direction he was thinking of going with you treatments?

I am not having such a good day today. Seems everything is making me cry, why I have no idea af is almost gone and I am still an emotional wreck. Maybe it is my hormones again, they are really becoming a pain in my butt. After a rough day, I came home to see the envelope with my Repronex for this cycle. I almost fell over when I saw the price. It went up $130.00 from just a month ago. I called and they told me that as of July 1 it went up to $59.60 a vile from $44.90 a vile. Holy cow, that is quite a jump. So needless to say now I am depressed about the medicine price! If its not one thing its another. I am so very frustrated.

By the way, where do you live? I don't think I ever asked you that. I live in Pa, just outside of Reading. We live in the woods, very peaceful.

I must run, have a good rest of your birthday. Talk to you soon.
Liz

I almost forgot. Congrats on the quitting smoking. I quite a couple of years ago and I can honestly say nothing makes me wan to smoke more then this journey. Be strong. You can do it.

Now where to begin...I'm going to have to go back and peek to make sure I answer all your questions, but first let's talk about you.

Sorry to hear you are having a "rough" day. I think we ALL can relate to that. I certainly can. You have alot on your plate right now, and you also have alot that you want done right now. The new house, a baby, medication expenses,etc. Its not a good feeling to have no control, which I guess is why we obsess over the things we can control, like charting and BD timing, etc. Hopefully a vacation will do us both some good, and maybe we can even go off happier and eating for two! God willing for us both! I would like to have a reason to not go out on the boat also!

DH is great about all of this, however, does not wear his emotions on his sleeve. Sometimes I think he doesn't really care, I know he does, but I sometimes feel like I am in this alone. It's depressing, but then I have to remind myself that if he didn't care he wouldn't be going with me to the appoinments, getting the SPA done, etc. He has that done on 8/16 and the RE wanted to meet with us 5 days after that. We will be in NC, so I guess we will schedule an appt. when we get back. Did your DH have that done? Just curious is all. Mine had 3 or 4 SA done, years ago now, but this is the first I even heard of a SPA and know what it is now! I feel ignorant and wish I had known alot more of what I know now a few years back. Not that it would or wouldn't change things, who knows. I just wish I was more informed, then.

Anyway the RE wants to go straight to IVF. Not really what we wanted to hear, but what could he say after 8 years of TTC and at least 10 cycles of clomid, including 4 failed IUI's. I was hoping he would present more "affordable" options out there, but he really didn't. He said perhaps injectables, but if he were us, he would skip over that step. So if her were us would he gamble his savings on one cycle of IVF??? I don't know, ALOT depends on the SPA results, because what if IVF is our only option. We haven't had that talk yet. Insurance won't cover it so it will be all on us. We have the money in savings, but if it failed, we certainly wouldn't be able to do it again. Maybe FET, but not another fresh cycle. It's a HUGE gamble, there are no guarantees. And I think about that too.

I have my DS, and maybe that's all I will ever have. I can live with that, I may have to. I'm not saying I quit or I am giving up, certainly far fromit, but I can't say at this point whether I can consider IVF either. Maybe injectables...but then you have to consider the cost of that (which you are WELL aware of) and a few cycles of that adds up! I am conflicted now, to say the least! AF is here and I am trying to be realistic.

Anyhow, I live in Tennessee. We moved here in October, from Florida, which is where I lived the past 8 years. I was born in raised in Coneecticut though, so we were almost neighbors at one time! I get back up there every other year. My DH is from CT as well.

Hopefully you have a better day tomorrow! It's an emotional ride, but we'll ride together! Sleep tight!

Tracy

Good morning Tracy,

Thanks for the support. I am trying really hard to have a better day then yesterday. I do have one positve I don't work on Friday's so atleast I am at home.

I am not sure what an SPA is. I did google it is read it has to do with the sperms ability to penetrate the egg. They said he is a good test to determine which way to go with treatment IUI, IVF, ICSI. Sounds like a great test. My dh just had a SA done at the end of May. Everything came back perfect, so once again the problem is not him it falls back to me. I am not sure why they did not suggest the SPA, maybe because I have achieved pg 2 times with him, unfortunatly they ended in mc.

IVF is a huge step. I find myself lying in bed at night thinking about it also. I guess my faith is just a little down right now, I am not feeling that positive about anything. The money is huge, but then again money is definatly not everything, it helps, but it in my mind could never replace the empty feeling I have in my heart for child of my own.

I was suprised to hear you re didn't suggest injections before going straight to IVF. Do you think that has something to do with the amount of time you have been trying to conceive? That would make sense to me. What about all the testing, have you been through that before over the years. I am sorry I don't mean to be nosey I am just very curious. I guess I am alittle addicted to trying to figure out this whole infertility thing.

I am so happy for you that you have your son. I am sure that helps a great deal, he is a blessing to your and your dh. How old is he? Dh is I actually had a serious talk about adoption last Sunday. I told him I was willing to do anything medically possible to achieve a preg., but if and when it happens I am not sure I can do it again if I had to. He likes the idea of adoption, since you are giving a child a chance for a wonderful life. I think that in a couple of years, hopefully we will have our own child by then we will be looking into adoption. I have always wanted a big family and never thought in a million years that once I was finally married and ready it would be so damn hard. Especially when I got pg 4 weeks off the pill the last time. ugh it is so frustrating. Sometimes I feel like I am stuck in a nightmare that I just can't seem to wake up from.

I have never been to Tennessee. Would love to some time, dh and I like to travel and talk about all the places we would like to go. We are country music fans and Nashville is definatly on our list of places to visit. CT is very nice, I have never really visited too much there, but I have driven through. CT and FL have a huge weather distance. I bet that was a tough one to get used to. :)

Well I better go before my book gets too long.
Talk to you soon
Liz

I am so jealous you are not working today! Wish I wasn't, which is why I will keep this brief... I think the length of time we've been TTC definately influenced the RE and the fact that only one preg was ever achieved. Never though it would take this long. Wanted kids before I was 30, at least two. Now I say one by 35...

The SPA is exactly what you have read about. It will be interesting to see the results.

More later...TTFN!

Tracy

Tracy,

Yes, having Fridays off is great, but then it is not so great when you could really use the money. My dh has been working extra long days for the ot. We need it.

I always wanted to be married and have kids by the time I was 30. 30 came and went and then I said ok, 32. Well I was married at 31 and pg at 31, unfortunatly m/c. So here I am turned 32 in May and am hoping to be a Mom by 33. One can hope right?

Dh is taking me out to dinner tonight (I haven't seen him all week he's been so busy), so I must go pretty myself up for him. :)

Talk to you soon
Liz

Liz - I owe you a HUGE post! I tried to stay away from the computer over the weekend, as to not obsess! I did a few things here and there, but did not post anything. I had a bad night Friday, threw a "pity party" feeling sorry for myself, "why me!" Anyhow, I shed some tears and then just decided to take a break from talking about "it" over the weekend. So, I will fill you in on something I've got in the works later! I have to get to work! TTFN!

Tracy

Hi Tracy -

Sounds like you and I should have been together for a big pity party! I had mine on Thursday night. I cried and cried, felt sorry for myself for a bit and finally Friday night I think I picked myself up, dusted myself off and am ready to stop feeling sorry for myself and think about something else. I think we are all intitled to a day or more (if necessary) of self pity! It allows us to be human.

I am very anxious to hear what you are brewing up. When you get a chance drop me a message.

Talk to you soon, take care
Liz

Will post a "book" later tonight. DH is supposed to work late, so I will have time to chat then! Hope you results come back good, I know you are anxious! Hang in there!

Tracy

Okay, so I don't have time to write a book tonight, but I will try to fill you in. Friday night was a bad night for me, just a boo-hoo'ing and feeling sorry for myself. I'm okay now, but was frustrated and had to let it out. DH was supportive and let me cry and blabber on and on about how unfair it is. You know the routine. Anyway it just hit hard because of my birthday and all, just caught up to me and knocked over my brave front. So, we go over to the MIL's house Saturday night and she hands me and envelope from a friend of hers. It was an article about using NaPro Technology and the Creighton Model. So, I read it, skeptically and then did some research when I got home. It's mostly charting and being observant of your body's changes, but I believe they fully examine the chart to find out what the problem is. Whaich is what I would love to know! So, I have been chatting with an RN, who works this program in Georgia, the closest place to me that offers this program and we're looking into it. It is supposed to be a year long program with frequent follow-ups. She may even be willing to teach me (the introductory session)over the phone, how to chart each month. I am still waiting for her to get back to me on the last list of questions that I sent her. Anyway, I may give it a try....it may be stuff I already know and may already be doing with my charting, but we'll see. So that's what I've got up my sleeve. Once I find out more info, I will share with you. So, I am optimistic, once again, for now! Good night, sleep tight....I'm beat....started exercising tonight, ugh!

Tracy

Good morning Tracy -

Congrats on the starting to exercise. I wish I could get myself motivated to start again. I was doing really great until about a month and half ago and then it all went down hill! :(

I have never heard of NaPro Technology and Creighton Model, howeve it looks very interesting. I think I may have to do some reasearch as well. Did you mil's friend or know someone who had experience with using it? The way I look at it is anything is worth a shot. How are the costs?

Sorry, this is so brief. I really must get some work done.
I will write more later.

Take care,
Liz