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fiso - June 19th, 2006 3:50 PM

Hi. I found this list on some prego website about TTC and I thought we could each add some comments on this list! Another to vent.
1. "It will happen quicker if you relax and stop worrying."

2. "You DO know it takes sex to make a baby, right?"

3. "If you want kids, take mine! Then they can drive you crazy."

4. "I'll lend you my husband -- he just looked at me and I got pregnant."

5. "Aren't you pregnant yet?"

6. "You must be doing it wrong."

7. "You're trying too hard."

8. "Maybe it wasn't meant to be."

9. "You can always adopt."

10. "Did I tell you I'm pregnant?"

Tons of baby dust to all
Fiso

Risa - June 20th, 2006 8:52 AM

Haven't we all heard these comments before.....oh, and don't forget the comment the I get often
"When are you two planning to have kids?"

It amazes me how personal people can get!!

tracylee - June 20th, 2006 9:11 AM

And another one..."as soon as you adopt, you'll get pregnant!"

Tracy

fiso - June 22nd, 2006 8:02 AM

One more:
"it's all in your mind. Relax and it will happen." Yeah right, don't forget I'm 40 , how many years can I "relax" !!!

"Do you really have to go through the treatments? "
No, I can wait till the cows come home!

The one that cost me a "friendship". I had a 'friend " in Colorado, who is very straightforward, sometimes, too much. I know how she is but once in a while it still gets me. I hadn't spoken to her in a while, so I called her. She knew we were doing the treatments. The very first thing she said: "Aren't you pregnant yet?". Boy, it rubbed me the wrong way. Thank God, I was pregnant when she said that, but I can imagine iif I hadn't been.
Such lack of caring from someone you thought was your friend shakes you up. I haven't spoken to her since (she got pregnant a couple years ago, no problem).

And what about the bank employee at the drivethrough, who wishes you a happy mother's day? Sha has no clue if I'm prego or not. I didn't like this one. Mind your own business!!!

I feel better now that I vented!

Fiso

liz - June 22nd, 2006 7:54 PM

People can be so insensitive to those trying to conceive. Fiso, glad to see you could get that off your chest. Sometimes it really helps to just let it out! :)

I always love the comment from other women "we didn't have all these high tech procedures back when I was young and we still got pregnant." That drives me nuts, like we want to go through all this!!

weazie - June 26th, 2006 12:00 PM

Here's a good one. I recently went to a baby shower that my friend was putting on for her sister in law. I know the sister in law but am really not friends with her. I had a D&C back in January and this girl knows about it and that we are trying again. It was hard enough going to the baby shower as I am sensitive about having a miscarriage and difficult time of getting
pregnant again.
Anyways during the shower the pregnant mommy to be made a few comments to me about conceiving that were hard to take, but the last one she said i had to fight back the tears.
I was sitting in a chair and she lightly kicks my foot to get my attention. I look at her she's standing rubbing her pregnant belly she says to me "I bet you can't wait"

I know I am overly sensitive but that was totally stupid/mean/insensitive to say to me after what I had been through.

liz - June 26th, 2006 2:17 PM

Oh Weazie that is awlful. Some people can be so insensitve. They don't seem to understand what is like to have to go though what you do. It's not always easy for everyone (as we can see here on this site), it is frustrating when people just can't seem to be compasionate to others feelings.

SHELLY - June 27th, 2006 12:32 PM

Weazie,

Grrrrrr......That crazy lady!!!!
People are truly freaks !!!!
What do these people think. That these comments
make us feel better? PLEASE..... I say if they dont
know what they should say they need to just put a sock in it.

All LADIES TTC,

My hurtful story.........

It was this past Thanksgiving, my whole family
was together and I had just learn that one of
my best friends, who just happens to be a 1st cousin
was pg with her 2nd child. My sister had told me about
this earlier when it was still hush hush well right
before time to ask the blessing my sister tells my
family that I (shelly) have an announcement to make.
I had NO IDEA what she was talking about. Everyone
is looking at me now. She whispers tell them about
Melissa ( my friend n cousin), its okay now. WELL...
so of coarse everyone is thinking I'm about to announce
that I am PG when I am forced to announce that my
cousin is PG. My heart was laying at my feet. Yippy
Yippy.... I finally got to announce a PG .. just not my own. I mean REALLY what was my sis thinking??? >:(
Could she have really thought that would be
fun for me????

Even people that you would think would know better
they just DONT!

WHEW !!!!!!!!!!! Thanks TTC ladies for being there
for me ;D

Shelly

LeslieAnn - June 27th, 2006 2:43 PM

Those are terrible stories. :o( I'm sorry, you guys. People just need to stop and think before they speak. My ex "best friend" said some things to me which led me to stop speaking to her. Before she even said any of this stuff DH and I noticed that she was acting really nutty. When I told her DH had proposed to me she said "Fine, I guess you can get married first, but I'm having kids first." But I kind of shrugged it off like she was joking.

We started ttc about 3 months after we got married. This girl kept asking me constantly if we were trying, and eventually I caved in and told her that we were. She then tried to convince me that I had to wait until she got married so we could experience pregnancy together. After realizing she seriously wanted me to do that, I explained that I felt it would be very hard for two women to plan to get pregnant at the same time, and that I had no idea how long it would take to get pregnant, so I might not even have kids until she was married. She pretty much let it drop after that. However, her boyfriend proposed two weeks later and she got married just a few months later. Since then her husband has been deployed to Iraq but she has insisted that he try to get her pregnant, and that she can't wait until he comes back to have kids because she thinks she has cancer and will die soon. She then told me that since I hadn't conceived, maybe I could practice being a mom on her children after she has them. I don't know what is wrong in her head but it's obvious she has some serious issues. I haven't spoken to her since.


SHELLY - June 27th, 2006 3:04 PM

LeslieAnn

That is a crazy story. Good call to stay away from
that friend for awhile. NEGATIVE energy from that
one. I tell you this process really helps us all grow
some tuff skin. I think that is why I enjoy this forum
so much. Everyone knows how you feel before you
even tell them the 1st thing about yourself. We are
all in this together :)

Shelly

LeslieAnn - June 27th, 2006 3:37 PM

Shelly,

That's a good point. Although it would be nice to have gotten pregnant on the first try, I I am kind of thankful that it has taken me this long. I have learned a lot about what a miracle motherhood really is and I've connected with some other amazing women. Before I started ttc and using these boards, I kind of had the impression that all women were catty and rude to each other and out to tear each other down, because unfortunately, that's how a lot of my friends act. But despite the struggles everyone on these boards have gone through, everyone remains positive and encouraging. That's awesome! That's the kind of woman I want to be, whether I ever get pregnant or not. Well anyways, enough rambling! Here's to the hope that we will finally get our bfp's, and the stupid comments will stop!

liz - June 27th, 2006 5:03 PM

Hello ladies.
LeslieAnn, wow your friend was really insensitive to your feelings. Sometimes it is so hard to understand why people say the things they do. I guess they just don't stop and think about how it woud feel if they were in your situation and someone said those things to them. It is such a shame, everyone should always try to put themselves in the others shoes. I agree with Shelly you are very smart in taking a break from that friend, you definatly don't need any negative energy right now.
Shelly, your story too is awlful. I can only imagine how you must have felt. I am so sorry you had to experience that one. Just out of curiosity did you question your sis on why she felt that was appropriate?
Here is a very recent experience I had. Last weekend our close friends had a birthday party for their son. It is always kinda hard for me since there are soooooooooooo many kids there, but dh and I go anyway. I hold my head high and try not to let all the little ones get me down. This one women has twins, after all the kids were running around acting like kids she looked at me and dh and said "are you sure you want to have kids after seeing this?" I could have cried right then and there instead I just said "more then ever!!!!" I know she didn't mean it and probably dosen't understand all we are going through, however she does know of my mc in Dec. I think she should have known better then to open her mouth!
Ok, I feel better, that one is off my chest. Thank you
Liz

LeslieAnn - June 27th, 2006 5:22 PM

Hey Liz,

I'm sorry to hear about that. I think a lot of times people don't say those things to be mean but it still hurts, and it's hard for others to realize it sometimes. My older sister had a really hard time getting pregnant and she was very emotional about it, and my mom would say the worst things to her. Just stuff like I want another grandchild, or asking when she would have kids. I know my mom wasn't trying to be mean, but I don't think she saw how much it upset my sister. My sister had to go through very expensive treatments to get pregnant, and she finally had a beautiful little girl, who she absolutely loves, and she is an awesome mom, so I'm super happy for her.

Anyways, what I actually came on here for was to share a website I found today. It is a Christian website, so if you aren't Christian don't be offended, I just thought it had some inspiring information and writings for women struggling to get pregnant. It's www.bethany.org under "Infertility Ministry."


liz - June 27th, 2006 6:03 PM

LeslieAnn,
I just checked out the site you posted. Although I only looked around for a couple of min. it looks awesome. Thank you so much for sharing with us.

You are very correct in that I don't believe most people are trying to hurt us with their comments, they just don't think it will bother us as much as it does. Going through what many of us do we are super sensitive to every comment made. I think I find myself reading into things that are said more then I should. The one thing I know is that I have learned so much though my journey and believe it has made me a better person. All part of a bigger plan by someone bigger then me!
Take care,
Liz

Kiki06 - August 3rd, 2006 11:23 AM

I'm new to this board but love it.

After trying for 2 years, I just started sharing with others my struggles. AND of course, I have gotten the just relax, just pray and this from a fertile Myrtle who gets pregnant without trying - just go away on a vacation and it'll happen.

Fertile Myrtle also had the nerve to tell me to just adopt and that if it were her, she would not waster any time on this infertility process but go straight to adoption!
The nerve! I mean giving up on trying is a deep, thoughtful process not an oh well, can't have a baby, big deal.

It feels so good to get this off my chest. You ladies are the best!

fiso - August 4th, 2006 9:50 AM

kiki06, your "Myrtle" has no clue, doesn't she!!!! Nobody can be in your shoes and tell you what to do. They don't realize what a decision it is to give up and to also put your mind into adoption. I would say maybe your doc is a better person to give advice, but his /her advice are based on science, not heartfelt feelings.
Stick with us, we all share the same journey (is that the name of this site ?!!! ;) How appropriate!

Take care
Fiso

LeslieAnn - August 4th, 2006 11:08 AM

Kiki06~ I agree with Fiso, it sounds like that lady has no common sense. It is a HUGE decision to decide to adopt, and it's not the right decision for everyone, so it's not something that you can just decide quickly. Plus, if you really want to conceive, you should not just skip infertility treatments and go straight to adoption, because there are so many things dr's can do to help you conceive now, IMHO. Comments like that can be so frustrating, but I know how you feel. Hang in there :)

Leslie

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