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sblanton2 - October 15th, 2005 9:35 PM

Hey all,
Ok reality has finally set in, you all know my first cycle will be in Jan. 2006 well the woman in the finance office called Friday and said I could pay in full that day. WOW! I know I am getting a price break by going through the military but it is a lot of money. I am a very frugel person by nature and it about killed me to hand out that much money. My husband and I discussed it and we have decided if it does not work in the first 3 cycles we will not keep trying,from a purely financial point of view. I keep thinking I am paying all this money for the CHANCE to have a child. I guess this is the side I do not like about all of this. Please someone tell me it will be worth all the money we are spending if it just works.....I know this, I think I just need to hear it. Has anyone else put a limit on how much you will spend or are we looking at this wrong?

Thanks for listening.....

Sylvia

Fortyfour - October 15th, 2005 10:07 PM

Hi Sylvia, I amagine we all have to put a limit on this, but that limit could always change. If you dont get pg in 3 times (that would be unusual) then you could always look at foster parenting or adoption if you want to spend more money.

I know its alot of money to pay for a chance. I felt the same way. My one girlfiend said it would be worth it in the end. After 2 miscarraiges I wonder if that will happen. If that is all i get from it than it wont seem worth it.

We decided to use the embryos we have frozen and see what happens. I will only have one more m/c though and then it will have to be surrogate, adoption or fostering.

If you do get your bundle of joy it will be worth every penny spent and every tear shed. Good luck my friend I wish you the best.


shansy - October 15th, 2005 10:12 PM

Sylvia-

Yes, to add to the unbelievable stress of this whole process, money then also becomes a stressful issue for some of us. >:( My DH and I do not have thousands of dollars saved as we did not anticipate anything like this happening to us. We have paid for two failed IUI's and are now going to begin our 3rd in Nov. It does feel like those first two, we just threw our money out the window. :(
However, if there is even a small chance of our desired outcome happening, then I feel like it is worth it. This does not mean we are going to put ourselves in the poor house trying- we have decided to try IUI's as much as we financially can, then if that doesn't work- we have to come up with a plan to do IVF as none of it is covered for us.

Everyone's financial situation is different, so you just have to do what is best for you.

It is a big gamble each time my DH and I pay that money, not knowing if it is worth it- but if it is worth it, then I wouldn't think twice about spending it because I know I will be get "repaid" everyday that I get to spend with my child.

sblanton2 - October 15th, 2005 11:38 PM

44 and Shansey,
I know if my husband and I can experience the joy of pregnancy and parenthood together any amount spent would be worth it in the long run....It just is amazing what we all go through for the possibility.
My husband and I already sort of foster a child, we have my best friend's daughter who is 17. We have had her for a few years now, she had gotten out of control with her mother who is a single mom. Noel(my friend) owned her own business so was working 14 hours a day so Teresa was on her own too much at 14. We took her in and she has been doing great since she has been in a 2 "parent" household. We also have my four from a previous marriage, so I have experienced it. My husband is just SO good and it is the only thing he has ever wanted(to have a child of his own). It tears him up that we have mf infertility.
Fourtyfour, as I have often told you you are an inspiration to me you never hesitate to share your pain as well as your joy and you will never realize just how much it helps us all to know we are not alone. I truly pray for you and all the women on this site that God will hear our prayers and grant us our wish in one way or another. I know it will happen soon for you. Thank you all for your responses it does help.

Best to us all,
Sylvia

silli_kitti - October 16th, 2005 7:18 AM

Sylvia, finances can be a huge factor, and can cause a lot of added stress to your relationship. Right now, I can't say I can relate because I'm not doing IVF, but will be considering it in the future and the financial hardship scares me to death, especially since there is no guarantee. But right now, I am willing to do what I can and spend as much as I have to. DH and I both work, and every day that passes, we add to our savings. Someday we will have plenty of money, and what a shame it would be to look back and think, it was only money, we should have tried.

I also have a lot of resentent towards fertiles for being so lucky to conceive without having to spend a penny! There was some woman on the news the other day that just gave birth to her 16th or 17th child. Its so unfair!!



44-
You truly are a strong woman. I have had 1 m/c and am so scared, I don't think I could live through another one. I admire you for your courage and resolve. I'm inspired that you are moving forward, giving it everything you have. You deserve success and I wish you all the best.

sblanton2 - October 16th, 2005 8:40 AM

silli_Kitti,
Winn and I have been saving for sometime, specifically for IVF. We found out about 2 years ago that if we wanted a child that would be the route we would have to take. I tell myself that since he is military and we will not pay for the ob care or the birth it makes up for it. It kills me b/c I would never have thought i would be in this situation. I have always felt badly for the people who had trouble concieving a child and counted myself extremely lucky to have never had a problem. I was young, thought I was in love and had my girls much too young. I never knew I could love someone as much as I love my husband and I just want to give him that gift, a child that is a part of us both. I tell myself at least he and I are going through this together and it is brand new for BOTH of us. But you are right it will be worth it in the end. I guess after just having paid the reality has set in....I will recieve my baseline appt date in a week or so. I guess I am just feeling overwhelmed by it all. Thank you all for listening, I know many of you feel the same things and that really makes all of this more tolerable.

Baby dust to all of us,
Sylvia

TICKINGCLOCK - October 16th, 2005 11:54 PM

Slyvia:

I recently decided to quit working at a stressful job (but it was one that paid well.) because i thought it was preventing me from getting preg. I took a job making less than 1/2 of what i was making before. I figured starting a family was our #1 goal at this time. now i wonder if I made the right decision because I really dont know how much expense this is going to get into for us. I know we are going to have to set somekind of limit (we cant loose our house and cars ect..) It scares me to think about it. but it also scares me to never be able to give my husband his own child. like you I was married real young and have a 19 year old daughter from a prev marriage. My husband now would be a awesome father and there is nothing in this world i want more then us to have our own child together.
I never thought this journey would be so difficult mentally and financially. a women at starbucks today was bragging to another women about her baby and how she was preg again (she said we werent even trying it was a surprise) i wanted to turn around and say well not all of us our that lucky lady!
best of luck to you.. we gotta keep trying!!! someday we will get our wish too!!!
gina

Karen123 - October 17th, 2005 12:25 PM

Sylvia, I agree with what everyone has said. Financially, IVF took away our "toys", our entire savings and we'll be in debt for some time to come. Right before I would have egg retrieval, a doctor advised us not to continue. He said at best we had a 10% chance of success. I only had 3 follicles at the right size. I cried my eyes out then told my husband that we HAD to go on. I said that I could just as easily be in that lucky 10% as the unlucky 90%. It was a tough decision but I knew that I couldn't live my life always asking "what if?" Turns out I was extremely lucky and did get pregnant. But honestly, I continued just so I'd have no regrets. Money is not easy to replace but it IS replaceable. Good luck!!!!!! Karen

sblanton2 - October 17th, 2005 12:58 PM

Thank you Karen & Ticking Clock,
In a few weeks once the shock has worn off I will be fine....you cannot put a value on human life. It is precious and I long for the day I can look down at a child that is part of me and my husband. My Husband has been soooo good with my girls and didn't bat an eye when I told him I thought my best friend's daughter should come to live with us too. He is amazing.
We have known for about 2 years that we were going to have to do IVF w/ICSI, so we have been putting money away, it is just so scary knowing the odds . I am extremely happy for you Karen and will try to keep you in mind....
Ticking clock, I think you made the right decision. You do not need a lot of stress while you are doing IVF it is stressful enough. Keep the faith girl......

Best of luck to us all,
Sylvia

Fortyfour - October 18th, 2005 8:42 PM

Sylvia - I now understand your special situation in having had your girls and now wanting to give your hubby his and your own. Sorry if I was slow on the uptake. That puts a whole different angle on it for sure. I know my hubby wants his own more than adopting or fostering so I am trying to play that by ear. If his heart wont be in either I will have to reconsider since the kids deserve all the love they can get.

Thanks you guys for your kinds words. I dont feel that strong half the time but just keeping putting one foot in front of the other. Its either that or lie in bed with the covers over my head and husband and all the cats and dogs wont let me get away with that.


Baby dust to all.


sblanton2 - October 18th, 2005 8:55 PM

44,
I probably did not articulate that well. Yes, my husband has always wanted tons of kids, that has been his hearts desire since he was young. When I was single I dated a lot of men who did not exactly care for the fact that I had four daughters from ex. My Husband is the only one who actually LOVED my children, not just tolerate them ya know? He waited until he found the right person(me) and was financially stable to even attempt becoming a father biologically. He would tell you he became a Dad the minute he met my girls. I want to do it right with the right man. I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love my husband and to be able to give him his own child means the world to me. He was devastated when we learned we had mf infertility.....our relief came in March of this year when he had his testicular biopsy and found healthy mature sperm....it has been a long hard painful road. But we both believe God brought us together for a reason. We will give invitro our best shot and if it does not work he is grateful for the opportunity to be a part of my daughters life...he has been a father to them.
Thank you all sooo much for all the kindness, it truly helps.

Babydust to us all,
Sylvia

Fortyfour - October 18th, 2005 9:01 PM

He sounds like a jewel. I am so happy for you. ( i bet you are a jewel also). Baby dust.


sblanton2 - October 18th, 2005 9:07 PM

44,
Thank you, he is a jewel. I was blessed the day that man walked into my life almost 5 years ago. Everyday I strive to be just a little better than I was the day before even if it is just in a small way.
You are amazing, I read almost everything you post and your story has touched me I am pulling for you.

Sylvia

WantsBaby2 - October 19th, 2005 10:54 AM

Good luck Sylvia!
It is amazing when the true "Mr. Right" walks into our lives. Sheesh, when I think of all the jerks I dated to find mine! I am glad you found yours! My grandma always said, "You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince." :-* Boy was she right! :-\

I hope you and your dh get your hearts desire. We will be doing ICSI too if I ever get to the retrieval stage. Keep us posted!

Wantsbaby2

sblanton2 - October 19th, 2005 12:39 PM

Wantsbaby 2,
I agree with your Grandma.... :-* I am a little afraid of the ICSI thing b/c I do not personally know anyone that has done it that way. The good thing is fertilization rates are higher but I hear that the needle may mess up the egg and make its development stall. Have you heard this? Have you done the ICSI before or will this be your first time? I hope we all get our hearts desire soon.....

Best of luck,
Sylvia

justme - October 19th, 2005 2:16 PM

Sylvia,
We had to do ICSI because of low morphology and I am pregnant. So..... it does work!!! We also did assisted hatching since we did the ICSI and the RE said the ICSI can make the outer layer extra tough and harder to attach to the endometrium. Best of luck to you!!!

Justme

sblanton2 - October 20th, 2005 10:10 AM

Justme,
I am not even sure about my dh's morphology. We have to do ICSI b/c he has a blockage in his vas defrens...they said he might as well of had a vasectomy. No sperm in ejaculate whatsoever. They have said b/c of his age and the fact that he has never fathered a child it has probably been there awhile, so antibodies will be present. They did a testicular biopsy and said he was producing healthy mature sperm...so that is a good sign, but never told us anything in detail.
The assisted hatching I have actually ask about that, my RE said we would wait and see if he thought it was necessary. I may ask for it to be done based on what you have said. Thank you for all your advice, and good luck with the baby(babies?).

Sylvia

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