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WantsBaby2 - September 15th, 2005 10:21 AM

I just have to share this story with you ladies. I went shopping at Kohls the other day for some pants and shoes for work. I saw this beautiful blouse hanging on the rack and immediately went over to it.

It was a maternity blouse hung in the wrong section! Of course I am sure the look on my face was priceless when I realized what I was looking at. For a moment I thought about buying it for good luck. After all.....it was so pretty! And the right size too! Then I thought....what the heck am I doing? I think it might be bad luck to buy something like that before I am pregnant.....even worse...when I might never be pregnant.

Have you ladies ever thought about buying something pregnant when you are not? Or am I just losing it? I long to shop in the pregnancy section, but I NEVER go anywhere near there! :-\

Wantsbaby2

sblanton2 - September 15th, 2005 11:10 AM

Hey Wantsbaby2,
I didn't buy anything from the maternity section but I bought some itt bitty baby socks and a onsie. Just to kind of remind me why I am putting myself through all this. I have toyed with the idea of buying the crib bedding, I justify this by saying that only one store has the set I want. But I have managed to restrain myself from that. I told my husband if this doesn't work I can always donate whatever I have bought to our church nursery.
You are not crazy, just baby focused. LOL As we all are. I wish you well on your journey and hope the next time is the time for both of us.

Best wishes,
Sylvia

silli_kitti - September 15th, 2005 11:13 AM

Maybe it was a sign from above!!

I have to hand it to you - I'm so darn fragile anymore, that is precisely the kind of thing that makes me go from a 'normal' mood to uncontrolled blubbering in less than 10 seconds.

I only ever looked at baby things, even bought a few. Then I had a meltdown a few months ago and trashed them.

I'm not superstitious, but after almost a year of nothing but failure, there came a time that seeing those things brought on a rush of all the feelings of grief, despair, sadness, frustration, etc. etc.

Now, I steer clear of everything baby and pregnant.

But I do look forward to the day I HAVE to shop for those things!

Debie - September 16th, 2005 6:24 AM

I bought beautiful white linen when Wetherleys had a sale in June. I also bought me three martenity shirts before the Aug m/c coz they looked absolutely stunning. I'm keeping these until I can use them.


pj - September 16th, 2005 6:44 AM

well ladies, it sounds like i'm the big, fat, crazy one! we actually bought a crib.

i thought about how expensive it would be to set up a nursery all at once after all these treatments, and i was feeling particularly sad one day. dh asked what would make me feel better and i said i wanted a crib. he actually went shopping with me and we bought one that day. (good thing too because they don't make that style anymore.)

at the time, it felt like the most hopeful, positive thing i could do. now, it just seems, well, crazy. the crib is put together in what will be the nursery. it's just sitting there with all my old stuffed animals in it waiting for a baby to displace them.

i've started crocheting now, and i make baby blankets instead. still trying to be hopeful, but also knowing that if it doesn't work out for us i have plenty of friends who are pregnant right now. of course, the first blanket i finished is lying in the crib right now. i wonder what i'll do when i finish this second one!?

nikki30 - September 16th, 2005 2:49 PM

Oh I dream of the day when I can buy maternity clothes and all the nursery things!! I have not yet bought anything baby because I try everything to avoid that section in the stores!! Maybe I should buy something little to remind me of why I am doing all of this! I have some stuffed animals that were mine in the "nursery"
but other than that it is empty. I sometimes go in there and dream of what it will look like being filled with all of the beautiful things a baby will need. I start lupron on Oct 4th for my ZIFT/ICSI-so maybe it will be sooner than I think!! I pray for all of us infertiles daily,so know that there is someone out there lifting us all up to God,and he is listening! Just think of how much all of us will appreciate our children once they do come!!!!

Fortyfour - September 16th, 2005 7:47 PM

I have baby clothes, blankets, crib sheets and one outfit for myself. It felt really good buying them.. When i think of donating them a voice tells me not to so I think that is a good sign. We are not crazy, only hopeful.


WantsBaby2 - September 18th, 2005 8:52 AM

Well Ladies,
It's a good thing I didn't buy that beautiful blouse. I got a BFN on Friday. My HPT revealed another false positive due to that darn HCG booster I had 9 days before. DH and I had been down that road before...so when we saw the positive, we jumped in the car and headed for the RE's office for b/w.

The call came on my cell phone as I walked into work. The nurse said she was sorry she didn't have better news. Blah blah blah. That plus sign in the morning gives you a tiny bit of hope though. It's cruel.

So the plan is estrogen supplementation for two months and IVF attempt again in November. I am beginning to feel like I have been through a war. Infertililty sucks!

Wantsbaby2


SMS1129 - September 18th, 2005 3:23 PM

WantsBaby2,

I am so sorry to hear that. I don't know what is worse, getting a BFN or getting a BFP and then miscarrying. Both totally suck!!

I wish you the best of luck in November!! I'll be watching for the good news!!

Take care of yourself!

Sue

Meg - September 18th, 2005 9:44 PM

WantsBaby2,

I am so sorry about the BFN. I have been checking the site constantly to see what your results were. I wish that I could do something for you to make you have a positive. I know how much you have been through. Infertility is such a sucky journey. Before our successful p/g, it was a 3 yr. road of hell and disappointment. I am hoping that the IVF in November will be your time.

I wish more than anything that you get your positive and are finally able to shop and wear maternity clothes. I was like you, I never shopped near matenity, baby dept., or ever set foot in a babies-r-us. I didn't go to showers, christenings, etc. I think I was extememe, but I knew what my triggers were and if people didn't respect that forget them. I didn't ever begin to shop for maternity until I had passed the 3 month marker and didn't buy any baby clothes or things until I was 6 mo. p/g. I am a little better this time around but not much. I am still cautious.

I will be saying lots of extra prayers for you b/c I nothing more than for you to have a baby too. Please take care and keep on keeping the faith. I know how difficult that can be...

Lots of Hugs and Loads of Baby Dust,
Meg

oneandonlymel - September 19th, 2005 5:55 AM

wantsbaby2- I am sorry about your disappointment, I was so hoping it would be this month for you! Just keep thinking positive and know that all what you are going through will bring you a bundle of joy, I know it is easier said than done and I will be thinking about you and praying things will happen the next cycle!

pj - September 19th, 2005 6:53 AM

wantsbaby2
so sorry about the bfn.
and you're right, infertility is like a war. unfortunately, it is usually a war with our own bodies. how do you defeat an enemy like that?
hopefully the re will be a wise leader and you will have victory soon.
these battle scars aren't so visible as some others, but they still hurt. and they're still real. and we can still have post-traumatic stress disorder.
good luck in november and we'll pray for you as you're waiting.
it is so hard!!
-pj

WantsBaby2 - September 19th, 2005 8:41 AM

Thank you so much ladies. Your thoughts mean so much to me. I would be at the funny farm if it weren't for this site full of strong, brave, wise and wonderful women!

I am feeling a little better the past couple of days. I have just kept myself busy with my dh and good friends. Went walking with a girlfriend yesterday and we walked our brains out. Boy am I out of shape! I am a little sore this morning. It helped to clear my head though.

I am wishing all of us BFPs by the end of this year....and for my sisters that are already pregnant...... beautiful healthy babies to kiss and hold tight.

Wantsbaby2

guest44 - September 19th, 2005 12:34 PM

Wantsbaby2, I wanted to respond to you yesterday but the sight would not let me sign in and reply. I am so sorry for your BFN. It is sooooo frustrating. It is such a feeling of helplessness. I wish I could say something to make you feel better but I know that there is nothing to say but I am sorry. Good luck with your cycle in November. Buckets of baby dust to you.


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