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silli_kitti - August 8th, 2005 8:06 AM

That was the headline of the birth announcement my cousin sent me this am.

Made me want to jump off a bridge.

This is the couple that I was actually consoling 10 months ago, because he has very bad sperm counts and they were referred to a fertility specialist because they were told they will need ART. They were heartbroken, and I was like "its OK, these people are professionals! They can get a 53 year old woman pregnant!" I even said "Be patient, conception and birth truly is a miracle. Look - there's nothing wrong with us, we've been trying and haven't had any luck either!"

Don't I feel stupid. She got pregnant on their first try. FIRST TRY. With very bad sperm. No RE needed. She found out about her BFP the same day as her RE appointment, which she cancelled of course.

In the early months, we joked about how we'd be pregnant together. She'd say "well, I'll be ahead of you, so you can have my old clothes as I grow!" Ha. Ha.

I honestly thought that at some point during her 9 months, I'd have a BFP. Not to be. And all I've been hearing the whole 9 months is "Any news from you guys yet?"

Now, here is her bundle of joy. She's blissfully happy and I'm looking for a new RE cuz my current one can't seem to get the job done. It makes me want to throw up. I called to congratulate her, and after all the bragging, she says to me "So, any news from you guys yet?!"

Oh, its gonna be a bad day..........

meridithhasfaith - August 8th, 2005 9:44 AM

Silli_kitti

This is a bad time for you. Now that you've congratulated her, you can steer clear from her for a while? Infertility blows.

Meridith

Fortyfour - August 8th, 2005 1:49 PM

Silli kitti - They might as well stick a knife in our heart or pins in our eyes when this happens. Unfortunately she does not understand the pain she is causing. I with Meridth - can you avoid her?

I had to put up with a lady in my bunco group who would ask every month "are you still trying?" I wanted to scream. " Yeah, at 11,000 dollars a pop we trying every **** month!!!"


WantsBaby2 - August 8th, 2005 5:19 PM

Silli Kitti,
I agree with the other ladies. I would just flat out avoid her. She has to know that she is being really insensitive and that this was going to upset you. Damn those fertiles!

It puts you in a difficult position. You know it's a happy time and you want to be happy for her. But at the same time... you want to cry your heart out. I know the feeling all too well. It's so unfair.

I would make it a point to avoid going out with them. You need to take care and nurture yourself. Sorry you are having such a bad day.

silli_kitti - August 9th, 2005 11:01 AM

Thanks ladies. It's always good to hear from people who understand.

Unfortunately, avoidance is difficult. Both of us only have brothers, and we were each other's sister, very close for all our lives. I am truly happy for her, but heartbroken at the same time.

It's not entirely her fault she's so insensitive, she doesn't know that we're in ART (I just feel really stupid about what I said to her about it back when we didn't appear to need it and she did - its almost humiliating to have to admit it). But I do think she should understand that, after trying for a year, it might be time to avoid the topic with me unless I bring it up.

Anyways, DH and I discussed it, and we think it might be time to let her know that we're in ART and not having any success. 'The truth shall set you free' - isn't that what they say? I fear the constant updating they're undoubtedly going to be asking for (I really don't like discussing all ups and downs of it), but at least they might be more sensitive to my sadness about the whole thing.

I already missed her two baby showers (on purpose), which I'm sure looked bad. But the christening is going to be hard to get out of - its a family obligation thing. I sure hope she doesn't ask me to be godmother. She has 2 married brothers so I think it's unlikely, but a possibility nevertheless.

Well I have about a week and a half left before I found out if this last cycle was successful. I'm really hoping because I had a HSG, and they say pregnancy rates are higher the cycle after that.

Keeping my fingers crossed!
Thanks for letting me vent!

Fortyfour - August 9th, 2005 7:44 PM

Silli kitti - Well the only thing I have to say is that you can tell not to ask, that you will let her know when something happens. When I was younger a girlfreind had tried for 3 years to get pg and we made that agreement. It took alot of pressure off of me wondering if I should be asking or not. Take care and baby dust to you.


Heidi31 - August 29th, 2005 9:43 AM

I drive to my friggen bank everyday just to see, hanging everywhere, the birth announcements of all the customers. >:( I know I should be rejoicing for thier precious gift but JEEZ-LOUISE how many more times do I have to be reminded that I am Failing???????????? :'(

Seems like everywhere I go there's someone waddling through a parking lot or a store and my hubby doesn't help sometimes when he points someone out that I didn't notice and says how cute her belly is or how sweet it is to be pregnant. (I feel like he doesn't care sometimes because hey what the hell, he has two kids from a previous relationship) errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ::) How can anyone be soooo insensitve!

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