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WantsBaby2 - November 28th, 2005 11:11 AM

Hi Ladies,
I write this through a blur of tears. I have just come from my RE's office and the news was NOT good. I am officially giving up feritlity treatments this morning. After a week of megadose injections with NO suppression, I have managed to produce one little follicle. My FSH has skyrocketed to 20 in the last couple of months...so I shouldn't be surprised. It has went up 7 points in 2 months. My RE is willing to work with patients 15 and under...which I was when I had the Clomid challenge test in September.

I feel like my heart is going to completely shatter. I thank you ladies for your wonderful support. I would be in a lot worse shape if I wasn't able to share all the downs of infertility. I NEVER realized going into this that it would be all for nothing. I truly believed that I would end all of this with my own little baby.

I only hope that I have been as much of a support to you as you have been to me. I think after some time we are going to look into adoption. My husband doesn't want to do donor egg....he feels I will be left out. I am not sure how I feel about that one, so adoption looks as if it might be the choice for us. Since this site has done away with the apoption boards, I have no place to share on this forum.

I just want to know why me? I am 37 for pete's sake. I think God truly does hate me. I want to know why some things come so easily for some and not for others! Life just sucks! I am soooo tired of all this crap.

My husband is taking the rest of the day off and is on his way home to be with me and I have a bottle of champagne chilling to celebrete our end of the infertility treatments and madness.

I wish ALL of you tons of babydust and all your dreams come true. I am soooo sorry I can't join all of you. I WILL get through all of this someday....and maybe someday I will stop crying......

Laura


justme - November 28th, 2005 1:29 PM

I am crying with you girl. I am soooo very sorry it has come to this for you. It is so unfair and confusing why it comes so easy for so many people. You will be missed on these boards as you were always such a strong supportive person here. You have given a lot to us all.

I wish you luck in your future journey to parenthood. I hope you do continue with adoption or whatever option you and dh decide on. Don't give up on your dreams. God has a plan for you and maybe the perfect little love is waiting in the world for you, or about to be born with you in mind.

Enjoy your champagne and know that there are many of thoughts and prayers with you today and in the coming months as you heal from all this infertility drama.

Best of luck.
Justme

Meg - November 28th, 2005 2:28 PM

Wantsbaby2,

I don't even know what to say... I am so very, very, sorry for the news that you received this morning. You have always been there for everyone and have been such a wonderful support for all going through the infertlity journey.

I am not giving up hope that one day you will be a Mom, whether it be through adoption or through IF treatments (if you decide to go down that road again) I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers that someday you will get the baby that you so deserve as well as that you make it through this very difficult time. Even though I only know you through this site you seem like a wonderful person, and I personally want to thank you for all of the support and kindness that you have extended to me. You will be greatly missed.

Laura, take care of yourself and take all the time you need for yourself. I will say extra prayers for you and your dh.

Love and lots of Hugs,

Meg


meridithhasfaith - November 28th, 2005 3:12 PM

Wantsbaby2

I emailed you before I found your post here. I am so sorry this happened. So shocked by this. I really thought this was the one for you. I don't understand anything anymore.

I'm glad your husband will be with you this afternoon. Hopefully we can still email and maybe after this intense pain has subsided, you can think more about what road to take. I'll be talking with you soon.

Meridith

Fortyfour - November 28th, 2005 10:37 PM

Wantsbaby2- I understand what you are going through. I felt that same way the day the doc called and said my FSH was so high and with no follicles visable in my ovaries I would have less than a 1% chance of every having my own baby. I was not even 40 yet. She told me "not to waste my money". It is very painful to go through but you will get through this. It sucks. We will miss you. When you start on your next journey towards parenthood please let us know what you are doing. I will miss you and will think of you often.

Have a drink for me. I am so sorry that you are going through this and wish there was something I could say.


I hate infertility.

Darcie

jolynn - November 29th, 2005 1:01 AM

im sorry to hear that i do feel for you im going through a ruff time as well with all this i live in indiana about 45 min from downtown chicago if u ever need a friend to talk to feel free to email me and i will give u my number sometimes to hear someone on the phone can help alot 2 life can never be easy with all this my heart goes out 2 all the stuggles we all have be strong and im here for u and any of u ladies who wanna talk im a regular reader of the boards but i bottle everything up inside of me my m/c changed me in ways i cant even describe my due date would of been dec 26 and i know its gonna be a hard x mas for me heres my email if u need a shoulder and a friend sjden@comcast.net take care

baby4us - November 29th, 2005 8:22 AM

Oh Laura your post has completely floored me... I feel so heavy in my heart for you.. and am so, so sorry that you have to go through this.. it just is not fair... and you just want to scream at the injustice because you are such a truly good person and deserve so much better.

I echo what the other ladies have said.. I hope.. down the road you will become a mother whether through adoption or if you do try IF again. Please keep us informed.. I'd love to hear how you are doing... if you need to chat privately... my e-mail address is on my profile..I'd be more than happy to lend an ear or two!

I will miss you terribly....

WantsBaby2 - November 29th, 2005 11:12 AM

Oh thank you so much ladies. Your replies and support mean so much at this time. I feel so heartbroken. I have cried a river of tears in the last 24 hours and I don't feel any better today.

DH tells me we will get through this somehow...it just doesn't feel like we will anytime soon. He was sobbing and crying yesterday and it was so hard to see him like that. He was always quite the optomist about this baby thing.

I thank God that I found this site full of warm and wonderful women. I can't imagine not keeping an eye on your journies.....so I will still be lurking from time to time. I have grown to love all of you and wish you many good things.

DH and I are going to get through the Holidays and take time to heal. I'm sure the answers will come to us eventually. Yes, we are thinking adoption.....but we are not going to rule out anything at this time. We will consult with our RE next year about the possibility of donor egg. DH said it can't hurt to see what all our options are. (maybe he is warming to the idea) I WILL definitely keep all of you posted. Take care and Babydust to all of you.

Laura

Debie - November 29th, 2005 11:31 AM

Laura, I just read your mail and my heart sank. I'm so very sorry it has come to this, life is indeed unfair. I'll miss your wisedom, and your being there to make things much better than they seem. I beleive someday soon you'll be happier than now. Again, I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

Lots of love.

Debie

TICKINGCLOCK - November 29th, 2005 12:31 PM

WHANTSABABY2

I read your post on my lunch hour at work. Bad move on my part I was in tears at my desk.... My heart goes out to you truely it does.. I wish I could find the right words to make you feel better. You have been so supportive to everyone on this site I am really going to miss you. I understand you reach a point where enough is enough. You are a amazing women and your husband sounds like a wonderful man I wish you both the best.. God doesnt hate you, I feel the same at times he just has other plans for some of us...
Keep us posted on the adoption process I would like to better understand it all myself.
Gina

WantsBaby2 - November 30th, 2005 8:56 AM

Thanks Deb and Gina,
You support means the world to me at this time. I am feeling a bit better today. Going into work last night helped a lot...even though I didn't think it was going to. Getting back into the routine of life somehow seems to make you feel better. Take care.

Karen123 - December 2nd, 2005 9:27 AM

wantsbaby2, I just read this post all the way through and just want to add how sorry I am. I'm sorry for what you've been through and are going through. Life is so unfair, as was said above. I truly wish you the best in somehow finding the path that brings you happiness. If you do choose adoption, I just want to say that the child you save will sure be a lucky one. I really wanted to go that route. It just felt right to help a child and get so much in return. All my best to you. Karen

WantsBaby2 - December 3rd, 2005 5:30 PM

Thanks Karen,
Good luck to you and your babies. I am truly happy for you! Thanks for all the support you have given me...it means so much. Take care of yourself. I will be watching for news about your babies!

Laura

Christie - December 4th, 2005 10:02 AM

Laura,

My heart goes out to you.

Turst me it is not easy for All of us. I have finanlly decided to go to donor eggs and now my endometrium will not grow for ?????? reason. I truly do not understand.

hugs to you.

WantsBaby2 - December 4th, 2005 1:34 PM

Hi Christie,
How did you come to your decision about donor eggs? Did it take you a long time to decide? I just am so confused and my emotions so jumbled about what steps I should take to plan for a family.

I am sorry you are having so many problems. It's why I don't feel like doing any more of the fertility stuff with donor eggs. The whole ART process has been nothing but a big nightmare for me. Nothing ever seems to go right. I am so afraid of more disappointment. For some of us it's like hitting a brick wall around every corner. Do they think they can help in your situation? Ugh! What steps are they taking to make things happen for you? Keep us posted.

Laura

Christie - December 5th, 2005 11:02 AM

Hi Laura,

Soryr to wait so long for my response. I saw my doc today and we are going forward even though my endo is only at 7mm.

I had soooooo much grief over my decision and I m scared to death of how my children will look and be and ...everything. I also could not face the fact that I will never know what my blood child will look like or be like. BUT, the truth is, it is my guy's sperm, so I know it is his, I am carring the child so at least I can have that bond and experience. It IS my child and apart of me because of this, so, therefore, it is apart of both of us. If we adopt (which we talked about) it would be neither his or mine in any physical way, but it would be OURS. If you adopt you really do not know what you are getting and it cost more money. If you do donor egge you know as much about what you get as if it were your own eggs, being the child could inherit qualities form the family senoir relativies, vague, but true. Meaning, If you both have blue eyes, where did the brown eyes come from?

I know this is difficult and I do not say this in a mean way, but your husband should allow you the chance to carry your own child and allow it to be definately his and most definately a big part of you. There is no mistake that He is the father and you are the mother.

I am scared everyday. I am scared of getting pregnant and also of not getting pregnant and not having our family together.

here in the Czech Republic is is minimum a third of the cost for IVF and also for donner eggs than America.

I creid and got angry, but I want a family, my family above all.

God bless and good luck with your decisions.

Christie - December 5th, 2005 12:54 PM

Laura,

I responded to you but I do not see my response here. Did you get it?

Message:


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