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anything4baby - August 13th, 2007 1:40 PM

I'm new to this board, and was seeking out some type of support, and am a little unsure where to start. First, God bless you all in your own efforts and the best of luck to each of you. I strongly feel anyone who wants a baby so badly as to seek support and comfort should be given such a blessing, especially when so many others (sorry for the generalization) just don't know what an amazing gift they've been given.

My wife and I have only been trying for 2 1/2 years, so I apologize to those of you who have been trying longer. These 2 1/2 years have felt like an eternity, since my wife and I met while working as volunteers for youth organizations. We both knew we wanted children above almost all else. Now, after 3 miscarriages (the longest being 10 weeks), clomid (which thinned her lining too much), and just finishing a 3 month trial of injectibles and IUI's, I am somewhat crushed. We've noticed that we handle it differently and at different times...she's up, I'm down, I'm up...well, you get the picture. She's such a trooper, as she's started going to a lady that does Reiki, and she's started doing Tai Chi, and she feels "better". I just wonder about this hopeless feeling... I've wanted to be a father as far back as I can remember, and it's such a defining thing. The question keeps coming up, if I'm not that, what am I? I have so much trouble deeling with the resentment and bitterness...I used to love hearing about my coworkers kids, and now, I almost want to run the other way.

I keep wondering what's next...as all of our tests come back excellent...her follicles, progesterone, sperm count, motility...no answers though.

Thank you all for the forum for which I can vent these feelings, and again, God Bless and good luck to all of you.

Red - August 13th, 2007 1:50 PM

Anything4baby~ Welcome to the forum! I can tell you that being a part of one of these forums will definitely help you. You don't need to apologize for anything as we are all in different places in our journey to be parents. Everyone on this site can understand the emotional roller coaster you and your wife are on. The things that have kept me positive are first and foremost, prayer! I believe that God has a plan for me and hears my prayers. He will not foresake me and I have to ask for his assistance during my down times. Dr. Charles Stanley always says that "the shortest distance between your problem and the solution is the distance between your knees and the floor" and I truly believe that. The other things have been my husband, family, and these forums. There are amazing people out there who have been on this same journey and can fully understand what you're going through. Rely on them to help you through this. I've turned to these forums for uplifting and it has definitely helped. You and your wife will find it very beneficial. Know that I, too, have had failed cycles, a "chemical" pregnancy, and other setbacks, but now have a positive answer on my journey. You and your wife will also! May God bless you and bring you and your wife peace during this difficult time.


Ange - August 13th, 2007 2:52 PM

anything4baby~ Welcome I am a veteran of 15 years. I know how you feel about the up and downs between you and your wife. You both need to grief at different times. AT 10 ten years IF I greived the unborn child that I never had. It was very hard but after I did I felt lifted in some way. I found out last year I wasn't dx properly. I never knew I had hypthyroidism and a uterine septum. (both of these either stop you from getting pregnant or can cause miscarraige Two things I was tested for 15 years ago. The dr then told me I was fine. My advise to you is do alot of research find out what causes reoccurent m/c. Bring that information with you to your dr.
Reiki is amazing I did that for about a year it helped me alot also dh went he loved it as much as me. Maybe you should try it too.

I am praying for you and your wife. I am normally on the Veteran lounge board if you ever need to talk we are great group.

Ange

Red - August 13th, 2007 3:12 PM

Anything4baby - Just an addition to what Ange just posted. It is extremely important to be able to discuss things with your dr./RE. We had a couple different cycles either not produce good results or I lost the embryo early. We weren't able to discuss it with our dr. so we switched. Our new dr. adjusted our "recipe" as they call it and changed my meds. He also made sure that he put me on steroids, lovenox, and baby aspirin around my transfer. This was not even discussed with our previous dr. She's right that you need to just gather information and be informed. Ask all the questions you need and expect answers. You are paying for these services and should feel comfortable asking questions.


anything4baby - August 13th, 2007 3:57 PM

Thank you all for the kind words and advice. This has definitely been a learning process for both of us. We will meet with our doctor this week to discuss our possible options. After my wife's first doctor accidentally punctured her uterus during her first D&C, which caused the need for a laporoscopy, we switched to this fertility clinic in Baton Rouge. They are really nice and answer every question, but sometimes, we are just a little lost for which questions. My wife's on baby aspirin and prenatal vitamins since about one year ago, and I've taken as many "semen-enhancing" vitamins I can find, even though the doctor said it wasn't necessary.

Ange, I agree with you about Reiki, and I have gone with her. I don't know how much I believe in it exactly, but the time spent peacefully caring for yourself can't be underestimated!!

Red, what was lovenox, is that a progesterone suppliment? She has been taking a prog. suppository after the IUI's.

Red - August 14th, 2007 7:13 AM

Anything4baby~Lovenox is a blood thinner that my dr. told me I needed (as do a ton of other women who have m/c). I've heard it has helped a lot of women go to full term after having numerous m/c. I pray your meeting with your dr. goes well. Good luck and keep us updated!

anything4baby - August 14th, 2007 10:48 AM

We will definitely keep that in mind. We have several things that puzzle us right now, and that may be a problem. Have you all come across anyone that could get pregnant "naturally" (but have m/c), but could not get preg with any artificial means? The 3 times we have gotten preg, my wife has been on NO meds at all. We've tried a total of 5 IUI's with clomid (twice) and injectibles (3x), and nothing. It almost seems as if my wife's body doesn't like the meds.

Thank you all again. I hope that I can be of the same help to someone one day. I realize my perspective as a husband is incredibly different, but I appreciate your care and concern.

sarah27 - August 15th, 2007 5:40 PM

Anything4baby,

I have another suggestion to trying to stay positive. I read Unsung Lullabies by Janet Jaffe and David Diamond. I found it really helped with me getting closure after 3 1/2 years. I agree with Ange on letting go of the children that you thought you would have. It is hard but that book helped me do it. Also, every month that period comes my hubby and I go out and do something fun together. No matter if he has to cancel things. It makes me feel happy that he is there for the first day and that I can get through it.

Its great getting a male perspective. Have faith and hope, its really the only thing that works.

take care
Sarah

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